Thursday, December 30, 2010

Mickey's PhilharMagic

I have a confession for you...I don't think anything will ever be as great as the Disney movies of my childhood. These include The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, and The Lion King. I loved these movies hardcore. Then came Pocahontas and let's just leave it at that.

A few years back they opened Mickey's PhilHarmagic and it's the best of all of my favorite Disney movies. And, 3D is involved. As we all know, when something is in 3D, it's better. This is why the movie theatres can charge me twice as much to see a movie in 3D.

So, back to the ride. You go into a theatre, get your seat and put on your 3D glasses. It's one of the better 3D shows I've ever seen and it's so gosh darn cute. The premise is that Donald has stolen Mickey's sorcerer hat and now things have gone amok. Donald is taken on a trip to all of these different worlds and there is singing and dancing and craziness. The best part is when he visits Ariel in her little treasure trove and she shows him all of her jewels (minds out of the gutter please, I'm talking about real gemstones). She sort of throws them out into the crowd and because you've got your 3D glasses on, you've got rubies and emeralds and sapphires and even DIAMONDS floating around your head. It's the stuff dreams are made of.

This little movie adventure is 50 times of cuteness. Kids will love it, teens will love it, parents will love it, grandpas will love it. Even dogs would love it, but dogs aren't allowed in the parks! 5/5 stars!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Let's Waste Some Time

Sometimes, I enjoy wasting a little time. There is nothing better for sucking a day away than the internets. Here are some of my very favorites places to lose myself...
  • sweethomestyle.tumblr.com - nothing is better than looking at beautiful homes and feeling badly about your own home
  • thisiswhyyou'refat.com - looking at this gives me a stomachache, but in a good way
  • failbook.com or failblog.org - you have no idea how badly I want a facebook friend to post something dumb so that I can submit it
  • marthastewart.com - its no secret that I love Martha and this website helps me nurture that love
  • passiveaggressivenotes.com - I wish I had the balls to write these notes because if I had the balls, I would have written a lot of these.
  • theknot.com - I like looking up people I knew way back when and hoping they have some obnoxious story about how they met that I can laugh and laugh at.

In addition to this, there are several blogs that I follow and make snarky and sarcastic comments about. I won't post them here because I believe it's bad blog karma. Plus, I don't want them to close on me. About a year ago, I found this fantastically sad and desperate little blog. Immediately after discovering it, I wrote a snarky comment in my blog about one of her blog articles. Shortly thereafter she stopped posting on her blog and then she shut it down entirely. SHE TOOK THE ENTIRE BLOG OFFLINE! I couldn't even read the back articles that I had grown to love so much. They were awesome. One was all about how her boyfriend wouldn't propose to her and how terrible it made her feel and that her boyfriend was all "maybe if you'd stop obsessing about the wedding, I'd feel more comfortable marrying you." Ouch. Now it's gone. My point is that I won't make public which blogs I ridicule, but I will tell you privately. Email me bitches.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

To Do or To Be A Lazy Bum

I have internal strife. First of all...where did December go? I feel like this month just started and now it's close to ending. Second...December, what is wrong with you? Did I give you too much attitude last year? Because this year you have crapped on pretty much all of my plans. You've ruined weekends and fun dinners and I am not happy about it.

Now, onto my strife. I think I am very lazy. I don't mean to be lazy, but some days lately, I have felt like a big fat lazy bum. I could blame the weather, but I don't think it's that. Mostly it's that I have a lot of projects that I want to get done. The projects meld with all of the everyday tasks that I need to get done (much to my dismay, toilets don't clean themselves) and all of a sudden I have a to-do list that is as long as I am tall (keep the jokes to yourselves) and I don't know wear to start, so instead of acting, I sleep. Hey, making to-dos is hard work.

In all seriousness, this month has been busy at home, busy at work and it's left me tired. Not exhausted, but tired enough. So, this is my life strife...I'm never getting things done because my to-do list keeps regenerating itself. When there's no end in sight, I tend to isolate and hibernate. And right now, I've been napping on the couch every night at around 8:30. Then I wake up in the morning and feel extraordinarily lazy.

I need a jump start!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

We Should Be Professionals

Last weekend, my mom and I were hard at work baking away. This is the fruit of our labor. We made chocolate mint cookies, peanut butter cup cookies, frosted sugar cookies and ginersnaps.

The peanut butter cups are a favorite of mine. I've had about two dozen since Saturday.

After years of trying to perfectly frost sugar cookies, I've decided to spare myself a lot of time and stress (and also so that my mother doesn't have to hear my sailor mouth) and just do a zigzag pattern all over the cookies.

Tanenbaum

This is my red, green and white tree. All of the ornaments are in those colors and there's an inadvertent candy theme as well. For some reason this tree doesn't photograph that well. I think it's that the multi-colored lights aren't as bright.

This is Mike's blue ball themed tree.

A dog in a Santa hat. Notice the treat in the upper right corner. This is the key to getting the dog to post in the hat.

Monday, December 13, 2010

MN, I Give You An F

An F for effing ridiculous. And St. Paul gets a quadruple F with a side of total douchebaggery. This weekend we had a blizzard. It was a real doozy. It ended on Saturday around 8:00 p.m. One would think that the roads would be somewhat okay on Monday morning for work. Right?

BIG WRONG. Minnesota has failed us (or maybe it's just St. Paul has failed me). I have about a 10 minute drive to work. Unfortunately for me, most of that drive is through downtown St. Paul one way or another. This morning I was totally bamboozled.

Getting into downtown was a long adventure. The roads weren't fully plowed. No salt or sand had been put down and there was glare ice in many places. The snow mounds were so high you couldn't see around them. Many sidewalks weren't plowed causing people to be walking in traffic. You couldn't see any lane markers and in some cases you couldn't see road signs. All of this added to the fact that downtown St. Paul traffic is already crippled by light rail construction and you had an awful morning commute.

I understand that there was a blizzard and it's difficult to plow and move snow around. But, we live in Minnesota. Blizzards happen. Shouldn't the city and state have some kind of contingency plan to get the streets plowed so they are safe to drive?

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Random Acts of Douchebaggery

I will first make a plea to you all, my internet friends. Many people tell me that RAD is their favorite part of the blog and they wish that I would post more frequent RAD's. I would love to do this. However, while I often encounter people doing dumb things, I can't always get a picture. And RAD's posted to my blog require a picture. Anyhow, I often save up RAD's so I can surely post one a month. My request is this: if you peeps see a RAD and can get a visual, send it to me! I will post it. This can truly become bigger than the asexual revolution.

Now onto a RAD that I have been saving for awhile.

I was on my fabulous vacation this summer in our nation's great capital enjoying the sights of the Jefferson Memorial when I saw this atrocity. A grown ass woman laying on a bench inside the memorial with her and her children's stanky feet just lounging all over the walls of a historic monument.

Oh no, don't get up. By all means, relax, take your shoes off and put your feet up. Put them up on the walls of history. Don't be shy. And please invite your children to do the same. Perhaps when you are done, you can show them how to take a crap in the bushes at Arlington Cemetery.

I also like how they are facing the wall, as if they walked all that way to the memorial to not look at the statute. Douches...all of them.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The Help

I will be straight with you. I was not super excited to read this book. It's another one of those far too hyped up books where everyone and their brother loves it. Which tends to mean that I will hate it. Plus, look at that cover..........How boring does that cover make the book look?

But I was looking for something that I could really get into and this fell into my lap. Folks, I was hooked. The author tells the story through three different viewpoints and it always breaks off from one viewpoint just when you want it to continue the most. I think this is the author's cheap trick. And it totally works.

The plot is this, we are living in the deep south when people still had maids and were horribly racist. One rich white girl wants to write a book about the maids' experiences. But, this would be taboo and would get everyone involved in a whole lotta trouble. So, she does it in secret. When the book comes out, the people of the town know the secret, but do they really want to admit that they treat their staff this way?

It's one big moral dilemma after another. It's pretty good and a very quick read.

4/5 or 8/10 stars.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

A New Month Is Upon Us

December is basically my favorite month. But, also sort of my least favorite because of how quickly it all flies by. I am one of those people who love Christmas. And in December you get to celebrate the season for an entire month. It's awesome. Here are all of the things I look forward to this month:
  • Christmas lights. Love them. I would go out driving every night if it was possible. It's not, but I still go out at least once a week.
  • Christmas trees. There's nothing quite like decorating a tree. I like to pull out each ornament and remember where I got it. My mom still has ornaments that I made when I was 4 or 5. Every ornament that I put on the tree has a memory for me and I love a good trip down memory lane.
  • Christmas music. I'm not as into it as a lot of people I know (Anne, I'm talking about you), but I still like it a whole lot. Pandora's Swingin' Christmas station was on all day at work and I know I'll go home tonight humming O Holy Night.
  • Christmas cards. I'm very old fashioned this way. Really I love receiving mail, and sending out Christmas cards ensures that you will get some in return.
  • Christmas movies. My biggest complaint is that the networks put them on too soon. I saw the other night that The Grinch was on. Can't they show that a bit closer to Christmas. I think they do it so that people will buy the movies. Consumerism.
  • Christmas baking. This year I'm looking forward to another successful cookie baking day with my mother. The two of us make hundreds of cookies together. Then we eat them with little to no help from family and friends. We're gluttons.

But like all things that are meticulously planned out, they go by way too fast and leave the planners with a certain amount of the blues. That's one thing I don't like about Christmas.

Happy December everyone!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Dinosaur!

I do not get scared by much. Things that go bump in the night no longer bother me. But this ride literally leaves me crapping my pants and having to towel off the seat as I'm disembarking. It is effing scary.

The premise is that we are going back in time to get a plant eating dinosaur. But, turns out that we are really close to some meteor impact and so there's a lot of danger. You are in a car that is stalling and there aren't a lot of lights and then the lights get a bit brighter and you realize that you are right next to a t-rex who is roaring in your face and looking like he's going to eat you.

I realize that it's not really that scary and I also realize that it's fake and that the dinosaurs aren't actually real and therefore aren't going to eat me. But, in the moment, I just freak out. Most of the ride, I have my eyes closed tightly so that I can't see the dinosaurs, but it's still really loud and you can't exactly ignore a dinosaur's growl.

The other weird thing is that the line for this ride always used to be really long. The last few times I've been on it, there's been almost no line. What's the deal? My mom thinks dinosaurs are so not hot right now, so kids don't want to go on it. I'm wondering if maybe I'm not the only one who has soiled themselves on the ride.

Despite how scary it is, it's actually a fun time. I give it a 4 out of 5 or 8 out of 10 stars.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Not on Target

Dear Target Corporation,

I am disappointed in you lately. First of all, what is with your Christmas stuff this year. There are almost no nick-knacks that I can buy to clutter my home with. WTF? It's all ornaments and lights this year. Every year that I can think of Target has had some awesome nick-knacks. Target Corp., where are they? I miss them, please bring them back to me.

Also, your sock selection totally sucks. I need my Merona knee high socks in a variety of colors and patterns. Past winters I have gotten lots of colors and patterns. This year, there is almost none. And I don't count Xhiliration as socks. I can't buy those socks for work because I don't work as a hooker. I need knee high socks to go under my knee high boots for work. They keep me warm and fashionable. Please deliver those to me ASAP.

You don't carry OceanSpray CranRaspberry Lite juice. I love that juice. Please don't make me go to Lund's to get it.

In addition, your Up & Up brand tissues are cheaper, but the box colors and patterns are so atrociously ugly that I cannot buy them. No one's bathroom is bright blue or purple or mustard colored. Take a hint from Kleenex and neutralize your boxes so that I'm not embarrassed to have them in my bathroom.

Thank You,

Your #1 Fan, Molly

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Disney at Christmastime

Lifelist #102 was to see the Christmas decorations at Disneyworld. I was just there and let me tell you, the place is decked out for the holidays. It's really very impressive. But, can I just say...slightly underwhelming. I think this picture illustrates the reason why. It's because there are no decorations on Cinderella's castle. At nighttime, the castle looks like this:

It's covered in a million white lights that look like icicles dangling down. So, it's a night stunner, but not a day one. The other big disappointment was there was no grand tree at the Magic Kingdom. All of the other parks had this huge tree in the entrance, but not one for the main WDW park? Apparently there is usually one, but they hadn't put it up yet. Those complaints aside, Christmas at the WDW is really fun. The decorations are lavish and gorgeous, there is an awesome Christmas Party that you can attend at the Magic Kingdom where you have a special parade and fireworks display and there is the grandaddy of all light displays at MGM. Look at this:

I don't think this picture does it any justice. It's 7.5 million lights. They are covering a block of the park. The display includes this 70 foot tree:

It also includes this:

That's right, Baby Jesus represents at WDW. I was actually shocked to see this. I think because Disney is a private entity, they can have it, but I'm surprised someone hasn't complained. Don't get me wrong, I'm fine with it, but this is something that peeps love to complain about.

All in all, I got my fill of gorgeous decorations and am happy to check #102 off my life list. I'll leave you with my favorite tree from the parks.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Random Acts of Douchebaggery

I haven't done a RAD in awhile, and they seem to be every one's favorite installment. So, without further ado, I'm RADding people with strollers at Disneyworld. Here's why:Notice this woman walking around happily with her stroller. Do you notice something missing? SHE LOST HER KID! The horrors! There is no child in the stroller and also there isn't a child anywhere near her that belongs to her. Those kids on the left aren't hers and even if they were, they are too old for strollers (not like that would stop them from crawling their lazy asses in one).

Anyhow, the woman is just pushing a stroller around totally empty. Which is really annoying. Because the streets of Disney get packed to the gills making it difficult to walk around. It's sort of survival of the fittest and typically the people rolling a stroller are the fittest because they can jam that beast into your legs, roll it over your feet, or throw it in the way of closing bus, monorail or automatic building doors.

So, if your kid doesn't need to be in a stroller all the time or a majority of the time, then leave that shit at home. Don't roll it around empty like a complete douche. Nor should you roll it around filled with packages like it's your personal grocery cart. If it's too heavy to carry, don't bring it or buy it.

Friday, November 19, 2010

I'm Back Y'all

I have been delinquent, but it's because I've been out of town. I don't like announcing that I'm out of town on the internets because I'm afraid peeps will pillage my house and steal my shit. But now that I'm back I can tell you that I was gone.

I was in the WDW. Gathering more blog information. One thing I have to touch on now, is strollers. I realize their practical purpose, but they are so annoying. Parents use them as weapons at the WDW and you best be getting out of their way. Also, why are 7 year olds in a stroller? Do they not have any self respect? Do their friends at school know? Because that would be really embarrassing.

Sorry I can't write more today, but I've got a job to do and it prevents me from blogging. I promise that I will be writing many more gems this weekend and next week!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

The Story of the Red Socks

This is an old story, but I had a little chuckle remembering it and thought I would share. My friend Grace recently emailed me about group projects. I was a marketing major in college, so this email stirred up a lot of deeply hidden shit.

Junior year, I took Marketing 301. This class, like many other marketing classes, was kind of a joke. The grade was based on three tests and one group project. All of the tests were derivatives of previous tests that the professor had given in his prior years of teaching. All of his prior tests were posted online. So, you do the math. Yes, that's right, basically you could just look at the old tests and figure out what the questions would be. Almost everyone got an A.

The snaggletooth here was the group project. You had to do an analysis of a company, and the grade was based on a group paper, group presentation and then how the other people in the group evaluated your participation. I got into this awful group of people. They only wanted to meet on Sunday nights. I was unavailable on Sunday nights and even after explaining this to the people, they were like, well, we are still meeting on Sunday nights. Awesome. There goes my group evaluation score.

All in all, I did my share of the work. I did a lot of work on the paper, did a lot of writing and editing. A few other people were more involved in the presentation.

The day before the group presentation, my group got together to do a run through and make sure we had everything in order. This idiot girl in the group said she had an "awesome idea". She wanted to go to Target (we were doing the presentation on Target) and buy us all red socks. Then we would present with just the red socks on...no shoes...WTF?! I literally said to her "HELL NO." I just didn't see the point. Wouldn't it make more sense for us to just wear red shirts or something. Why would anyone be looking at our feet during the presentation? And if they were, we would look like shoeless ass clowns. Other people were like, yeah, I don't know about it. I thought the matter was dropped.

The day of the presentation, the idiot girl brings a bag full of red socks and everyone laughs and starts putting them on. It's literally minutes before our presentation. I am nervous and thinking about what I am going to say. I'm not spending this precious time putting on red socks. Plus, I was wearing a skirt suit with knee high boots (the professional kind, not the come eff me kind). I wasn't going to take off the boots and then take off my socks under the boots and put different socks on. That was ridiculous. Plus, I'm sure that I was nervous about the last time I shaved. I just know me and I'm always nervous about this. I have pale white skin and dark brown hair, so even a small growth is noticeable and makes me uncomfortable.

I threw a fit. Yes, I was 20 years old and threw a fit. I refused to put the socks on, telling my group I thought it was the dumbest idea ever and I just couldn't focus on that right now. So, they all wore the socks and I didn't.

At the end of the day, 95% of the class got an A and I got a B+. When I asked the professor how I could have gotten a B+ when I got an A on all 3 tests and on the group paper and presentation, he said that I got a low evaluation score from the rest of my group. All because of a pair of effing red socks.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Random Acts of Douchebaggery

No, your eyes are not playing tricks on you. These are purses that are fashioned after CROCS! Disgusting. Avert your eyes!

I think the holes are the greatest part about the purses. I get the holes in the CROCS. If you are wearing them as actual boating shoes (no, they actually weren't created for gardeners, Disney World tourists or even doctors) then you want the holes so that the water runs out of them. Do you really want that for your purse? I mean don't you want the items in your purse protected from the elements?

I truly believe these are the most heinous creations in the world and the person responsible for these purses is a douche in the truest sense.

Monday, November 8, 2010

The Girl Who Played With Fire

I feel like there's nothing of value that I can say about these books. This one was about a thousand times better than the first one. And the first one was good. However, there's not a lot of literary content involved and sometimes I think the surprises are far too obvious. The books are very intriguing and even though they are hundreds of pages, you can finish them relatively quickly. So, you feel like you've accomplished a helluva lot.

In TGWPWF, we are back with Lisbeth Salander and she is in the Caribbean...or some tropical place. And she's still lugging around that macbook. I do think Apple should give some money to Stieg Larsson's estate because these books have made me crave macbooks. It seems like you can do so much awesome hacking with them.

Then Lisbet comes back to Sweden (I think a hurricane was involved) and gets an awesome apartment which she can afford becaus she's stolen money. She also gets IKEA furniture. Bad move Salander. I joke, I love IKEA. Anyhow, so she's in this awesome apartment and gets herself into a heap of trouble. I mean, convicted of murders you didn't commit trouble.

Then shit gets unreal. Like seriously unreal. She escapes from multiple hits on her life and then goes on high speed chases and then is killed by her father and half brother and buried. Except she wasn't killed, and even though she's buried alive, she doesn't die. Like I said, shit gets unreal.

Another book full of twists and turns and it was captivating enough to make me want to finish it in a couple of days. So, that's something.

4/5 stars or maybe 8/10 if we're on a ten point scale.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Baz, This is a Horrible Idea

One of my favorite books of all time is The Great Gatsby. I love that book. Love it, love it, love it. I could read it over and over again.

I have always been freaked out hearing about possible The Great Gatsby movies. Sometimes Hollywood ruins books. One time I heard that MTV was thinking of doing a Gatsby movie with Paris Hilton and Lance Bass. I cried. I mean, that would be awful.

Just yesterday I saw something on a gossip website about Leonardo DiCaprio out with Baz Luhrmann and people are saying that Leo is cast in Baz's new production of The Great Gatsby. My heart was filled with glee. I adore Leonardo DiCpario, every movie he has made I have loved (with the exception of The Beach). I also love Baz Luhrmann. Two of my all-time favorite movies, William Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet and Moulin Rouge are his. He's got this gift of color and lyricism that I find so rare and beautiful.

Then this morning I log onto usmagazine.com and read that last night Leonardo DiCaprio, Baz Luhrmann and a bunch of other peeps were out to dinner with Blake Lively. Apparently she's being considered for the role of Daisy Buchanan. WTF?! Baz, Leo, have you not seen Gossip Girl? This bitch cannot act. Gossip Girl is dumb fun, but I can't even watch it because of her whiny, nasally voice. And she's so boring.

Don't get me wrong, Blake Lively is gorgeous, but you need more than gorgeousness to be a good actress. Plus, Daisy Buchanan is such a pivotal role in The Great Gatsby, you can't ruin Daisy with a bitch who cannot act. There are tons of young Hollywood actresses who would be killer Daisy's. YOU CANNOT PUT BLAKE LIVELY IN THIS MOVIE! I would go to the ends of the Earth to see another Baz Luhrmann movie with Leonardo DiCaprio...but I wouldn't go this far.

Anyone else have thoughts on this horrible idea?

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The Smithsonian is Awesome...and Weird

On my latest vacation to the nation's capital, I of course made a few stops at the Smithsonian Museums. They are so great. You could spend an entire vacation just doing that kind of stuff. But, there's also some weird things there. For instance:George Washington Cut Plug...or is it Gut Plug? Gut Plug would make it really weird. But what is it exactly? A toy or an actual apothecary item? I couldn't tell you because there was no sign. Something like this deserves a sign.

There was also:
The Exciting New Game of The Kennedys. I could think of many inappropriate jokes as to what happens in this game. But really, this is worse than my Sweet Valley High Game. I kind of imagine it like Life. You've Decided to Run for Office. You've Stumbled Into A Life of Drugs and Alcohol. You've Begun an Affair with a Musician.

Another thing I found was this: A can of Colt 45. I think this was in the Vietnam War section and there was a note next to it. I think the note said something like enjoy this in Nam. I don't know if this is really history worthy. If it was Miller Lite, it'd be another story.
Overall, the Smithsonian is all kinds of awesome. I'm wondering if these types of items are in there for a good laugh?

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Things I Don't Understand

I realized I had many things I wanted to write about. Instead of doing the smart thing and saving them all up for future articles. I'm doing the dumb things and putting them all in one and calling it Things I Don't Understand. Really, it's Things I Want to Bitch About. Here they are:
  • Skank-o-ween. I remember from college that Halloween is a time when girls can dress like total sluts. And I mean sluttier than they normally do. Which is fine, wear your short skirts, fishnets and low cut tops (I did, so I wont' judge). But, this year on Halloween the stakes were raised. I saw one girl wearing straight up lingerie. It wasn't even a costume, unless she went as a Victoria's Secret model. Another girl was wearing a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader costume. It was a size too small, which means that her ass was hanging out and the material was about a centimeter above her areola. I think next year she has to go naked. I get wanting to be a little bit out there on Halloween, but let's keep it a bit classy ladies.
  • The Minnesota Vikings. I'm not a football fan, but Mike is, so I've been watching a lot of football. I don't hate it, I actually like watching sports on tv. I have to tell you, though, the Vikings are so painful to watch. It's so boring. Honestly, as a non-football person I can tell you what the Vikings play will be 75% of the time. Favre hands the ball to AP and he runs right up the middle. This whole thing with Moss leads me to believe that perhaps someone is intentionally sabotaging the team. It would make a move out of MN a whole lot easier. Seriously, who signs Randy Moss, never passes the ball to him and then lets him go? I'm a football idiot and I still know somethings fishy about that. Getting Ziggy with it indeed.
  • Voting. Signing onto facebook this morning left me more annoyed than usual. Oh wait, what was that....do you want me to vote? Can someone else please update their status to either (a) tell me that they voted, (b) tell me that I should vote, (c) tell me how the DFL party totally rules or (d) a combination of the above. I get it, facebook peeps want me to vote. Your constant nagging about it is worse than the ad campaigns.

Okay, I think I'm done. Happy November everyone!

Friday, October 29, 2010

Hello Punkin

Meet Fred and Joseph. Joseph is the triangle eyed punkin and Fred is the scared soul punkin. When we opened Fred up to perform surgery, we found he had a tumor...Look at the tumor guts:



Sadness, but that is why Fred looks so scared. Because in his head, he's dealing with this...

That's the tumor. But our punkins are adorable. For Fred we used one of the stencils that came in the carving kit. Joseph was freelanced the old school way. I kind of prefer that, just a couple of triangles and a smile.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Winter Can Be Exciting

Living in Minnesota and not being a huge winter outdoor activity person can be annoying. I used to ski, but don't anymore. Mostly because it's a huge time and money suck. I'd go sledding, but don't really have the proper outdoors clothing. I love ice skating, but no one will ever go with me. Sigh. Plus, I've often found that in Minnesota when you want to do the outdoor activities, it's usually too freaking cold.

But, there are actually some really good indoor winter things that I am highly anticipating this winter. Here they are:

  • Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part One. Even though it's coming out more in fall than winter, I'm counting it as a winter activity because I probably won't see it for awhile. For one of the HP movies, Kara and I went on opening night and we were surrounded by geeks in costumes who talked throughout the entire movie. I prefer to wait on movies like this until the crowds have died down.
  • Hubble omnitheatre movie at the Science Museum. I've heard it's awesome and I love the omnitheatre!
  • Speaking of omnitheatre...Omnifest 2011.
  • And, speaking of the Science Museum, they will play host to the King Tut exhibit starting in February.
  • The Minnesota History Museum has a George Washington exhibit also opening in February. If it's anything like the Ben Franklin exhibit, it's sure to be a winner.
  • Christmas time! I love everything Christmas. Wassail, tree decorating, writing out Christmas cards, traditional Christmas movies, cookie baking, present wrapping. I can't wait for all of that this year. I'm also hoping to catch either the Guthrie's Christmas Carol or one of the Nutcracker performances.
  • Another thing beginning in February is an exhibit at the MIA with some Venetian paintings. I think this one could be a hit or miss kind of a thing. I usually like the MIA's exhibits, but think they are a little bit expensive.

Ultimately, I prefer the warmer months of the year, but with all of these things to fill up my wintery days, I'm hoping that these next few months go by quickly!

Friday, October 22, 2010

Stir-Fry A Go-Go

Remember a long ass time ago I talked about making a lifelist? Well, I did do that and then never really talked about it again. So, I'm bringing it back. Mostly because now I've got results. Here is lifelist #44: Learn How to Make A Good Stir Fry.

When I was little, my mom had a wok and she would make stir fry quite a bit. I always missed it. It's one of those meals that seems so difficult to make and you need this big pan to do it, but at the same time it's so good for you that you want to be able to make it any time you want.

About a year ago, my friend Becca moved to Korea and she had a "I'm Moving to Korea" sale. I bought this awesome wok from her. Then it sat on my shelf for about six months. Then I realized that there was a pretty decent recipe in my Martha Stewart Classics cookbook for chicken stir fry.

The results were AWESOME. Capital A. Here's some pics.

It's got the perfect blend of crunch, spice and saltiness. And non-vegetable eaters will actually eat their vegetables (I actually know this from experience). I'm not going to give away the recipe because I feel like that's really wrong, but the basics are: oil in pan with garlic, red pepper flakes and ginger and I think maybe something else. Then peppers (sweet and hot) and onions. Then carrots. Then broccoli and baby corn. Then mushrooms. Then the meat. The recipe calls for chicken, but I've used chicken and shrimp and both work perfectly. Then bean sprouts. Then some soy sauce, rice wine vinegar and balsamic vinegar.

If you like it extra spicy add some Sri Racha sauce.

The results are truly amazing. Now I'm an expert stir fry maker. Thanks lifelist!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

I Have Questions

Does anyone else watch reality shows and have multiple questions running through their heads? I can't be the only one. Here are some of my questions:
  1. On Man v. Food, how is that guy not way fatter? Also, how is he still alive?
  2. On Survivor, what do the women do when it's their special time? And do they bring in waxers? Because honestly, I've watched that show in high def and there is no hair down there. And if you aren't waxing, there's always hair down there...ALWAYS.
  3. On The Amazing Race, when do they eat? You never really see them eating meals, but they must do it. So, does the show provide the food and if not, do they have to take time out of the race to purchase and eat food or is it built in that every team has to take 30 minutes for lunch?
  4. On any of the Real Housewives shows, how do they set up the events? Because they are all super contrived and sometimes it seems like the women don't even see each other outside of the show. For instance, did the producers tell Ramona to renew her vows with Mario, or did she go to the producers with that idea.
  5. Why does it seem like the Project Runway judges always love the ugliest, cheapest looking shit? I'm sorry, but this season has broken me of the Project Runway love. Michael Costello's Statute of Liberty dress was plain, boring and totally unoriginal. And everything else he's made this season is the same.
  6. I love how on America's Next Top Model, Tyra is one minute telling the models that they should embrace "themselves" and the next minute is telling them that "themselves" is going to get them kicked out of the show because it's not modelly enough. Which isn't really a question, more of a comment that Tyra is hysterically crazy.
  7. Does anyone else notice that the model judge on Top Chef never has an opinion of her own. She always waits for the other judges to say something and then she agrees. Always.

There are more questions, I'm sure. But, reality television always puzzles me. Mostly because no one really talks about what goes on behind the scenes. I think an awesome idea for a book is to do a total expose on reality television shows.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Angela's Ashes

This is a really good book. It is filled with the sadness, though. And is in teeny tiny print, so it takes you an awful long time to read not that many pages. And you are depressed whilst you are reading not that many pages. What I'm saying is, this book almost broke me.

A few years ago, I suggested the Twilight series to a friend. I said they were just dumb, light, fast reads. Well, I guess she hated them. Months later I said something to her about what books she was reading and she said. "Nothing lately, Twilight ruined books for me and I haven't wanted to read anything since." I kind of felt like a shit and have never recommended Twilight to anyone since.

Anyhow, as much as I loved the writing and can see why this book is so good, it was sort of too much to take. The book details Frank McCourt's early years where his parents moved their brood from NYC back to their home country of Ireland. They had no money, the father was a drunk and couldn't keep a job, the mom was an enabler who couldn't stop getting pregnant and the kids kept dying. I kept thinking that no more kids could die, but then another one would pass away. Luckily the parents kept replacing them.

A lot of people compared this book to The Glass Castle and while I understand the comparison, I can't get on board with that. The Glass Castle was okay, but this book is gorgeous and tragic and so finely written that you can taste and feel and smell the squalor that surrounds the author. The Glass Castle did not have that effect. It is like The Glass Castle in that you want to smack the mother upside the head and sucker punch the dad.

I gave the book 3/5 or 8/10 stars. I rated it a bit lower because of the depression it sent me into, but if you like grim, it won't be so bad.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Divorce Fireworks

A month or so ago I was at a wedding in Wisconsin. At the reception hall I went into the bathroom and was pleased as punch to find those bathroom stall advertisements posted all over. I was even more pleased to find the above advertisement.

Fireworks By S.A.M. will do year round fireworks shows for weddings, anniversaries, graduations and even divorces! What a great way to celebrate the dissolution of a marriage! Invite the kids as well. Hey Johnny, I hate your dad, let's party!

Side note...when I was a kid I thought the term was firecracks, which i think is actually a better word than fireworks. It's more expressive. I was a genius child.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Dairy Queen Slushie in My Car

I have a problem. A couple of years ago I got a DQ Mr. Misty in Grape. I don't even know why, but I know I was running to some kind of outdoor event. I drank about 3/4 of the Misty and then had to go. I left the remaining 1/4 of the Misty in the DQ Cup in my car's cup holder. That was the worst mistake.

Later that day, after only a few hours of the damn thing sitting in my car, I picked up the cup and the bottom fell out. The 1/4 of the Misty had eaten through the tough paper! That's how sugary and syrupy and concentrated those effers are. The Misty juice ate through paper in just a few hours! That's worse than Diet Coke!

So, now I have a real issue. There is standing Misty liquid in my cup holder (and it had overflowed to the next cup holder so really ruined both cup holders). How do you get that out? My solution was to spoon it out into another cup. That didn't work and made more of a mess. The only thing I could think of was to take a shit ton of paper towels and sop up the Misty. That worked, but left sticky Misty residue all over my cup holders.

Then I took steamy hot water and soap and scoured the cup holders within an inch of their life. The scalding water didn't make a dent in the stickiness. I tried scraping...that got some of it off, but still left a residue.

Here I am, two years later, and every time I put something in the cup holder it leaves with a sticky layer of Misty. That shit has staying power. Plus a random penny fell into the holder and is now glued down. And every once in awhile, my long luxurious locks fall from my head right into the holder and get stuck there. It's disgusting, but I'm out of options.

Lesson for you all...when drinking a Misty, never leave a wounded soldier (and by that I mean drink it all up or dump it out, but never leave it unattended...actually the wounded soldier analogy doesn't really work, but I'm too lazy to change it). But question...any ideas on how to get this stuff out of the cup holder for good?

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Random Acts of Douchebaggery

Is this picture clear enough for you. Let me explain it. Here I am, in a car, in downtown Minneapolis during rush hour. I'm trying to get somewhere. You see, I am a person who goes places, does things. And here's this douche on a bike also driving down the middle of a downtown Minneapolis road during rush hour.

Let me just explain something for all the bikers of the world. Your bike does not go as fast as a car. Lance Armstrong can't even ride his bike as fast as a car. That's science. So, when you take your douchey little bike and clog up an entire lane of traffic, then all of the cars behind you have to drive at mind-numbingly slow speeds. Do you understand how obnoxious this is? You don't, I know, because you are a douche, but I'm just here to tell you. You are obnoxious. I mean look at this:He's turning IN FRONT OF ONCOMING TRAFFIC. It's like he thinks he owns the road.
And since I'm RADding the bikers of Minneapolis, I'm going to take a spin over to St. Paul. I will not leave those assclowns out. I live near Shepard Road. For those not from this area, Shepard Road is a side road that runs along the Mississippi River. It's sort of like a split highway, two lanes going in each direction with a tree-lined median down the middle. Shepard Road's speed limits vary, but it's usually around 45 miles per hour.
Shepard Road also has this awesome walking trail along the river. Last summer I spent almost every night walking the trail and it was divine. In April of this year, they tore the whole pathway up and it was unusable until just last month. The reason that this walkway was ripped up was so that they could widen the trail and include a lane for walkers and bikers. You see, the bikers don't like biking where other people are walking and they bitch about it nonstop. If you are on the walking trail and a biker is behind you, they will rudely yell at you to get out of their way. Why do they do this? Because they are douches who think they own the effing road and also because they don't like riding behind people who will slow them down. Irony, anyone? So, now they have their own lane to ride where they don't have to worry about walking peeps and they don't have to gum up the traffic on Shepard Road.
Why, then, have I been caught behind four different bikers on Shepard Road this past month. Is the brand new biking trail not good enough for them? Do they just enjoy being totally obnoxious and douchey? Or do they have a death wish to ride their bikes in the middle of a highway?
You be the judge. I've already judged and the outcome is not good.


Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Quote of the Week

Judge: Did you attend the educational programs?
Defendant: I went to the thing where you piss in a cup.
Judge: Pissing in a cup is not an educational program.

Couldn't make this shit up if I tried.

Monday, October 4, 2010

It Was a Two Epi-Pen Kind of Weekend

I did not have a good weekend. In fact, it would be safe to say that I had a pretty awful weekend. Here's photographic evidence:

This, my peeps, is a heinous picture. But, please notice a couple of things. For once, notice my upper lip. That's not botox and I wasn't in a barroom brawl. Also notice my left eye...also swelling. Plus my face is not normally that flushed. All of this is due to hives.

How does one get hives like this, you might ask yourself? Well, the story is this, I was taking an antibiotic for 3 days. After the third day, I woke up and had a few bumps on my neck. I thought they were insect bites. It was weird, however, because there were at least four of them and they were so very itchy. As the morning progressed, I realized it was hives as my body was now completely broken out into these red, itchy little devils.

After a panicky call to my doctor's office, they told me they had no appointments available for me to come in and I should instead take Benadryl and call 911 if I can't breathe. Awesome! Here's where I am going to say something controversial. I don't think that Universal Health Care will work. I was having an allergic reaction. I had hives all over my body. All they could do at my clinic was say, call 911 if you can't breathe. Are you kidding me? I guess there is no such thing as preventive care anymore. To me, this is just a glimpse of the overcrowding that will occur with Universal Health Care.

Anyways, by 4:00 p.m. on Friday, my lip was completely swollen and off to the Urgent Care I went. They shot me up with an Epi-Pen and gave me a prescription steroid. That's right, I'm on the roids...and I have noticed some roid rage. But, after the Epi-Pen, I felt soooooo much better. I thought this was the end of my saga. Not the case.

On Saturday, I again woke up with the hives. I took my meds and the day was fine. A little scratchy and so out of it due to the Benadryl mixed with steroids mixed with my new antibiotic. Then the hives started spreading to my face. Luckily my lip was spared. I woke up at 2:00 a.m. on Sunday morning with the most unbelievable itching you could imagine. When I looked in the mirror, I was terrified! One eye was swollen again and the hives were all over my face. Off to the ER! This time I got an IV bag of fluids, epi-pen, pepcid and another small pill. They upped my steroid dose (more roid rage) and gave me a prescription for zantac. They also gave me a couple of these babies:

My very own personal Epi-Pen! Although, I'm feeling much, much better and the hives have receded tremendously, I'm still carrying this sucker around to save my life.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

I Welcome October With Open Arms

September has never been my favorite month. It's too much of an in-between, like May. With these in-between months I never know what to wear. This morning I was cold, so I wore to work: tall boots and thick socks, skirt, longsleeved tshirt and a long sleeved cardigan. I am so effing hot right now. And it's warm and sunny outside, so when I walked outside to get lunch, I started sweating and now I'm a hot and sweaty mess and can't really change anything about it. I'm giving a big middle finger to September right now. Are you summer or fall? Make up your damn mind.

But, not to fret because tomorrow is October and I love me some October. This October will be particularly sentimental.

My October goal will be to do Octobery things like pumpkin carving, apple orcharding, leaf viewing and picking and hot apple cider drinking.

Happy October's Eve to all!

Sunday, September 26, 2010

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

This was a book I sort of wanted to stay away from. I have this thing with books where when everyone else is reading them, I don't want to. What is that? Then my boss lent it to me, so I read it and I will admit, I was hooked. Although, I think this book could have been better. It took a long ass time to get into it. And then there were two endings. There was an ending to the story that was interesting and then there was an end to the story that sucked. Basically the author sidetracked at the beginning, got to the meat of the story and tied it all up, then went back to the beginning.

It was a super fast read and the story really engrossed you. I could not put this book down, I just had to find out what happened. So, that's something. However, I was a little bit annoyed at how our hero Mikael Blomkvist figured the murder mystery out. It was pretty far fetched not to mention the fact that the author really telegraphed the ending. From the beginning it was clear that the answer to it all was in the pictures.

If you haven't read the book, you are probably confused. Here's a recap without giving too much away. The hero is an author who has recently been shamed. A rich guy offers him solace in writing a family history in small town Sweden. In addition he asks him to help solve a mystery of his niece's death. So, the author hero goes digging and the murderer gets angry and starts coming after him. Then this young woman enters the picture and begins helping our author hero with his investigation. Is it love between the two or just raw sex? Who can tell? Then they figure it out! The mystery, not the casual sex, because really who can ever figure that out? Elementary! Now comes the serious danger. Don't worry, our heroes always live! Then we go back to the author hero's shame and delve deeper into the young woman...then cliffhanger! Because there's another book and this author knows that true money is in a series.

Here's the real thing. Has anyone else looked into the story of the author's death? It's actually super interesting and mysterious on it's own. He planned writing at least 7 books, I think, but the publisher only has the first three. Major bummer. The books only get better.

So, 3/5 or 7/10 stars. I just wasn't impressed with the beginning and was so annoyed that they ruined the real ending by ending with the beginning. You dig?

Sunday, September 19, 2010

CBS Boycott

I will not be watching tomorrow night's CBS lineup. About a month after starting to date Mike I found out about this possible CBS show. I thought, how cute! Until I learned it was about two obese people named Mike and Molly learning to love each other after meeting at overeaters anonymous.

I can't tell you how many people have commented to me about this show. I've had enough. So, I'm begging you to not watch the show so I can return to my regularly scheduled life.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Quote of the Week

Me: Have fun at the allergy doctor.
Mom: I will. I love getting poked.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Random Acts of Douchebaggery

While recently in our nation's great capital, I had a rather unfortunate experience. When Mike and I first got into the city, we took the metro from the airport to the Dupont Circle Station. The station was close to our hotel and I figured once we got on the metro station we could easily check our handy Droid phones to give us directions on how to get from the station to the hotel. I didn't figure that metros are tunnels deep underground and there would be no Internet service. I can't plan for everything!

Long story short, once on the metro, we realized that we wouldn't be able to get directions until we were above sea level.

The metro stops and here we are with our carry-on bags and a large rolling suitcase trying to fight our way through the crowds to get to the escalators. It was not the best experience of my life.

Mike and I get on the escalator and there weren't too many people behind us. Most of them were in front of us only because they trampled us to get to the escalator first. It had been awhile since I had ridden the metro, so I'll admit, I sort of forgot the whole "standers on the right, walkers on the left" philosophy. Mike was in front of me standing on the right and I was trying to ask him whether he was able to get Internet service yet, so I was committing an apparently cardinal D.C. sin by standing in the walking lane.

Some bitch was walking up the escalator and was having none of this. She walked up behind me, put her face right in my ear and said something along the lines of you're not supposed to be standing there. I don't remember her exact words because I was so startled by her mere presence. She was literally right behind me and definitely within my personal bubble. Anyone who knows me knows that I do not like it when people are in my bubble. And this bitch was in my bubble. I could feel her breath on my face as she whispered in my ear. Consider me creeped the eff out.

So, I'm startled and not really processing what she's saying. I'm more worried she's a hobo out to snatch my purse. I kind of jump out of the way and then realize that she is calling me out for standing in the walk lane. Listen, I get it. You want to get out of the metro station at a faster speed than the escalator will take you. I totally understand. And here I am, a dumbass tourist holding you up by standing in the walk lane. However, there are far more appropriate ways to handle this situation. Like standing a few inches back and saying "Excuse Me". There is no need to be in my bubble.

Also, there's no need to be a bitch about the whole thing. Clearly we are tourists and clearly we don't know where we are going or what we are doing. If I was a bitch to every iowan or wisconsinan who drove to the TC to do their shopping in the big mall.....oh wait.....I am a bitch to those people.

I don't know if I should un-RAD this girl out of hypocrisy or continue the RAD? I'll continue it, bitch was in my bubble.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Summer Blockbuster Bust

Remember a few years back when there was a writers strike? It was awful because it shortened the Lost season, but awesome because it made you realize how you can still live without T.V. Did that ever get resolved? Because honestly, this summer the movies have been garbage and I'm wondering if there's still a writer's strike.

I love cinematic adventure. I also love popcorn that is not microwaved by me and has plenty of butter topping. I can get both of these things at the movie theatre. So, I go to the movies often and will see questionable movies just to get the popcorn. But this summer, there has been nothing.

I saw Inception and it was brilliant. That was about 2 months ago (maybe more, where did the summer go?) and there was literally nothing else that caught my attention. To make matters worse, there still isn't a whole lot I want to see. I'm going through theatre popcorn withdrawal. Anyone have a cure for this conundrum?

Friday, September 10, 2010

Me On: Vending Machines

Is anyone else as appalled as I am about the prices of vending machine goodies recently? Because I am hot and steaming mad about this issue.

At work there is only 1 place where you can get snacks from a vending machine. I work in a building with 18 floors and they only have one vending machine area. Horror!

What makes this situation even worse is that they have allowed a complete scheister to control the vending machines and he has jacked up the prices to such levels that I won't even consider buying a bag of Pretzel M&M's from him.

Here's the story. Back when I first started, bottles of soda were a very reasonable $1.00 and candy and chips were at .60 cents. Perfectly adequate. Then the vending machine troll upped the soda to $1.25 and the candy and chips to around .75 cents. Still, though, this was fine. He put up a sign that blamed it on the economy.

A few months went by and another sign went up...further blaming the economy. So, now soda is $1.50 and candy is .80 cents. I'm getting annoyed. His prices were pretty much in line with other vending machines, but it was like Dude, how has the economy gotten that much worse in the last 3 months that you have to raise the prices again. Also, he has no teeth, which makes me suspicious about all things with this vending machine guy.

I persisted in my bottled soda addiction, though. At $1.50 I wasn't going to stop drinking an at least daily soda. In addition, there was a period of time where the soda machine was broken causing it to drop two sodas with one purchase. So, I felt like his price increase was a wash for me since I was getting some free stuff.

After a few months of this new price increase, the toothless vending machine troll did the unthinkable and put up another sign. Yes...ANOTHER SIGN. Again blaming it on the economy. Soda was now $1.75 and candy and chips were $1.00. WTF?! I cannot believe that this vending machine guy is paying anywhere near $1.00 for a Snickers bar in bulk. I know for a fact that I can get them for about .30 cents a bar at Sam's Club.

This price increase, however, seems across the board in the vending machine world. But, honestly, $1.00 is really too much to pay for a candy bar. So, I've boycotted all things vending machine (except yesterday when I really needed a 3 Musketeer bar to help me write an order). No shady toothless troll is going to screw me that badly just so I can have a soda.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Rock 'N Roller Coaster

I will not be lying to you when I tell you that I have never been on a roller coaster more awesome than this one. Never. Not that I'm a roller coaster connoisseur, but I've been on my fair share. Rock 'N Roller Coaster wins every single time.

The part about this roller coaster that is so amazing is the very beginning. There you are strapped in to the car waiting for the clearance to go. When it's time, the car goes from 0 to about 60 in maybe 2 seconds.

The other thing that makes the roller coaster awesome is that you can't really see anything ahead of you, so you don't know about the dips and turns until you are just upon them. And there are a lot of twists and loops. Another bonus is that the whole time they are blaring rock and roll music at you. Granted, it's Aerosmith, which isn't terrible, but I would like it if it was mixed up a bit.

The true downside to this ride is the line. For some reason, this one seems to have a difficult line that Disney has never quite gotten right. I've waited in line for 45 minutes when the little sign at the entrance says "15 Minute Wait Time". And you can never eyeball the line either because it goes inside a building, so you really have no idea how many people are waiting. This ride would get a 5 if it weren't for this one annoyance.

It's a short little coaster ride that packs on major thrills. 4/5 stars!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

September, Don't Be In Such A Hurry

In theory, I love the fall. I like the change from a steady heat to a more subdued crispness. I like the idea of colors and moods changing. I feel happy when I think about cuddling up in the perfect over sized sweater with the windows open and a cool breeze coming in while sipping hot cider and watching a movie on my large and plush sectional sofa and an awesome scented candle burning in the background.

The reality of fall is that none of those things will happen. I will more likely be itching like crazy in a wool sweater that is far too hot for fall, it will be gross and rainy meaning the windows can't be open, I never have hot cider available to me, I don't own a large and plush sectional sofa and I never notice a candles scent until I leave a room and then come back into it.

So, even though everyone else is becoming ecstatic for the changing seasons, I'm holding onto summer with everything I have. I want the weather to be hot and sticky, the days to be long. I want to be always in dresses and flip flops. I want to be able to go outside whenever I want and not think about whether I need a jacket. Give me one more month of summer September, I know you have it in you!

My NME goal this month is to enjoy every last moment because soon it will be winter once again.

Monday, August 30, 2010

She's Come Undone

This book was equal parts fabulously wonderful and something that I was reading to get through. Don't get me wrong, I loved it, but like with I Know This Much Is True, I think I was bothered by the length. I feel like maybe Wally could be helped by a little bit of editing. Because I want to know a lot about Dolores, and I want the history of her whole life so that I can understand her, but I don't need every minute detail. I want some things hidden away so that I can guess at them a little bit.

The writing, however, is marvelous and it's true what they say...How did a guy write a girl so well? Wally seems to get what this girl is going through at various stages of her life and through various traumas and it reads like a girl.

The book centers on young Dolores whose family is all broken up. Then she has lots of the traumatic stuff happen to her and she just starts eating. Her mom kind of allows her to just eat away her problems and she gets totally obese. Like morbidly obese. And she's not even in college. You can imagine the torment.

Then she goes to college and some weird stuff happens, but mostly it appears that she's getting a little bit crazy. For instance, she becomes obsessed with her roommates' ex-boyfriend and steals letters and naked pictures of him, which becomes important later because she slims way the eff down and moves to his hometown and then starts this relationship with him. So, that's a little bit strange and far too coincidental.


There was nothing about this book that I really didn't like and then again there was nothing that I was totally over the top about. I was glad when it was over and I could move on, but still glad that I read it.

4/5 or 7/10 stars.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Random Acts of Douchebaggery

This post is dedicated to Michael, happy birthday darling!

On our recent adventure to D.C. and Charleston, Mike and I had the pleasure of taking 5 plane trips. Let me just tell you that travelling by plane has sunk to an almost despicable experience. Mostly because of the constant barrage of RAD's going on all around you. I think I'll start with the most egregious.
On our way from D.C. to Charleston, we had to fly through the Atlanta airport to catch a connecting flight. Our flight touches down and there's that moment where they turn off the fasten seat belt sign and everyone lunges for the aisle. Y'all know what I'm talking about. For whatever reason, people just need to get to the aisle, even when you are in the back of the plane. It's like they think being in the aisle means they will get off the plane faster. I'll give you bitches a tip, it doesn't. The plane will disembark row by row.

When we landed in Atlanta the above woman decided that she had enough and not only was she going to lunge for the aisle, she was also going to bust through the crowded aisle to get to the front of the plane. I was standing in my row in the aisle seat (I didn't win the race to the actual aisle, mostly because I wasn't participating in the race) when all of a sudden I feel this enormous push by something large and fleshy. It was enough to actually knock me down to the seat. I look up and see what appears to be Ronald McDonald pushing her way up the aisle. I was shocked! So now, not only are people pushing their way to the aisle, they are actually pushing their way through the aisle. And she wasn't a slight little thing, so she actually had to push her way into spots where there wasn't any room.

Two rows in front of us, there was a lady in the aisle who was having none of this douchebaggery. The McDonald douche tapped her on the shoulder to try and get by and the lady stonewalled her. She just said "No." But this didn't stop her. She continued to try and push ahead and finally made it when the lady gave her a small opening so that she could get her bag from the overhead compartment.

Listen, I know what it's like to have connecting flights and be stressed that you won't make them. So, I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt and say she probably had a connecting flight. However, after I got off of the plane, (which was much later than the McDonald douche because she had budged her way at least 10 rows in front of me) I go into the bathroom and who is standing at the sink but the McDonald douche. Then when I left the bathroom she was just standing around. I couldn't believe it. She was in no hurry. She was simply pushing past people in the aisle so that she could get ahead. Classic act of douchebaggery.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Vacations are Awesome

While I was away I came up with a litany of amazing blog ideas. Everything from RAD's to Me On's to Book Reviews to just general random postings. Unfortunately, I cannot spend my days blogging away, so they are going to have to come out slowly but surely.

All in all, my vacation took me to Washington D.C. and Charleston, South Carolina and it was fabulous. Hot, sticky and fabulous. I saw a lot, ate a lot and generally frolicked in merriment all day long. Here is one such picture of me frolicking:
It's hard to tell from the picture, but I'm posing in front of a submarine. I love submarines. And seamen.

Now it's back to the grind and only 1 more week of August left. Sadness.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Me On: Eat, Pray, Love

This is not a book review. The main reason is because I've never read the book. Never have and never will. Eat, Pray, Love is not my thing. I won't mince words with you, my faithful blog readers, I think everything about Eat, Pray, Love is obnoxious.

I realize it's grossly unfair to characterize something as obnoxious when I haven't even read it. What can I say, I'm judging a book by it's cover. Actually, I'm not, because I kind of like the cover and I kind of like the title. It sings to me. But, I've talked to people who have read it and I've read articles on it and I can conclude that this book sounds like crap.

Now there's a movie based on the book, which also looks like crap. I mean, come on, a woman goes on this awesome journey to re-discover life through eating and praying and loving. Awesome. Sounds like it's better than Under the Tuscan Sun (ed. note, I'm being sarcastic).

My biggest problem with the book is that the author was able to take this awesome year-long vacation because of an advance that she was given by her publisher. That advance was for the writing of a book based on a woman's journey to re-discover life through eating and praying and loving. So, she pitched a book before she even had the experiences and then got a year-long vacation to Italy, India and Bali completely paid for. It sounds disingenuous, no? It would be one thing if she took the journey and then wanted to write about her experiences, but to go on a journey with the intention (and the obligation) to write a book makes it all seem contrived.

I've also read excerpts and it's way too flowery and over the top for me. I guess I don't understand how you can be eating pizza and all of a sudden realize some amazing and spiritual thing about life, love and destiny. Call me when you're eating Filet Mignon dipped in gold and then we'll talk. Pizza is delicious, but it's not spiritual. Not even Neapolitan pizza.

So, Elizabeth Gilbert, I don't buy into the hype. I will never think anything of this book other than that it's obnoxious and self-righteous. Not even Oprah can sell me on this one. And as I said, now there's a movie to ignore. But ignore it I will. Not even Julia Roberts can sell this swill to me.