Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Random Acts of Douchebaggery

Is this picture clear enough for you. Let me explain it. Here I am, in a car, in downtown Minneapolis during rush hour. I'm trying to get somewhere. You see, I am a person who goes places, does things. And here's this douche on a bike also driving down the middle of a downtown Minneapolis road during rush hour.

Let me just explain something for all the bikers of the world. Your bike does not go as fast as a car. Lance Armstrong can't even ride his bike as fast as a car. That's science. So, when you take your douchey little bike and clog up an entire lane of traffic, then all of the cars behind you have to drive at mind-numbingly slow speeds. Do you understand how obnoxious this is? You don't, I know, because you are a douche, but I'm just here to tell you. You are obnoxious. I mean look at this:He's turning IN FRONT OF ONCOMING TRAFFIC. It's like he thinks he owns the road.
And since I'm RADding the bikers of Minneapolis, I'm going to take a spin over to St. Paul. I will not leave those assclowns out. I live near Shepard Road. For those not from this area, Shepard Road is a side road that runs along the Mississippi River. It's sort of like a split highway, two lanes going in each direction with a tree-lined median down the middle. Shepard Road's speed limits vary, but it's usually around 45 miles per hour.
Shepard Road also has this awesome walking trail along the river. Last summer I spent almost every night walking the trail and it was divine. In April of this year, they tore the whole pathway up and it was unusable until just last month. The reason that this walkway was ripped up was so that they could widen the trail and include a lane for walkers and bikers. You see, the bikers don't like biking where other people are walking and they bitch about it nonstop. If you are on the walking trail and a biker is behind you, they will rudely yell at you to get out of their way. Why do they do this? Because they are douches who think they own the effing road and also because they don't like riding behind people who will slow them down. Irony, anyone? So, now they have their own lane to ride where they don't have to worry about walking peeps and they don't have to gum up the traffic on Shepard Road.
Why, then, have I been caught behind four different bikers on Shepard Road this past month. Is the brand new biking trail not good enough for them? Do they just enjoy being totally obnoxious and douchey? Or do they have a death wish to ride their bikes in the middle of a highway?
You be the judge. I've already judged and the outcome is not good.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Today, I saw a bad bicyclist. I was driving on Montreal towards 35E at about the location of the old Highland Pool. There is a woman on a bicycle with one of those kid cages (what are they called?) attached to her bike. She was riding the bike with her child down the MIDDLE OF MONTREAL. Traffic was moving all around her. What are people thinking?

Love ya,