Monday, June 27, 2011

Horribly Awesome Travel Story

A few years ago, my mom and I were setting off on a winter vacation to Maui, HI. The flight plan consisted of two stops, one in Los Angeles and one in Honolulu, both times we would have to get off the plane, however, we didn't ever switch planes.

When we arrived in Honolulu, we had been travelling all day, were exhausted and completely sick of being on a plane. Honolulu was the final destination for a majority of people on the flight. Luckily, the layover was only supposed to be 1 hour. My mom and I decided that instead of walking around the terminal, we were going to park our asses in the seats right outside the gate. We just wanted to get to Maui.

There were only 20 people who would be getting back on the plane to Maui. They were all sort of milling about in the gate area. After awhile of waiting, they announced that there was a mechanical problem and the plane would be taking off later than scheduled.

My mom went up to the gate agent and asked if there was an estimated time for take off. The guy said "At least two hours." So, we left the gate area, went to the closest restroom and then went to an outdoor walkway to breathe in the fresh Hawaiian air. Standing in the walkway, we could see our plane. It looked so majestic and regal. As we were standing there we noticed people walking around on the plane. "DID THEY LET PEOPLE BACK ON THE PLANE?" My mom exclaimed.

The two of us ran around the corner to the gate. It was empty. Totally and utterly deserted. "Where the hell is everyone!!!" We both declared. It was impossible that they had boarded the plane. We had been gone for less than 30 minutes and we were no further than 20 feet away from the gate at all times. Plus, they told us that it would be two hours before the plane took off.

A gate agent came out of the gateway. "Is that plane taking off?" my mom asked the woman. "Yes." She casually replied. "WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON THAT PLANE." My mom stated. "Oh are you the Smith's?" (ed. note, my name is changed because I don't trust internet creeps). Then the woman started lecturing us that they were paging us for the last 20 minutes and because they didn't hear from us, they took our luggage off of the plane.

No amount of pleading would work with this woman. She kept telling us it was too late and we would have to try to get a flight the next morning. Finally we saw the asshole who told us it would be 2 hours before the plane took off coming out of the gateway...and he looked guilty. Then he started pleading with the woman. After they talked amongst themselves for five minutes, the woman told him he could do what he wanted, but she wasn't involved. This is when the story gets awesome. The guy tells us he can get us on the plane, but we have to run.

So, there we are running down the gateway towards the airplane. After arriving at the end of the gateway we realize that the gateway is no longer attached to the airplane. What was this guy expecting us to do? Jump onto the airplane.

As we are standing at the end of the gateway, the guy mans the controls and starts moving the gateway towards the little doorway of the airplane. Once it gets there, he begins to knock on the window. Yes, that's right, he was knocking on the window. We see the flight attendant's face look out confusedly and that's when the gate agent starts shouting "OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN THE DOOR"

If we weren't embarrassed before, we were very embarrassed now. It got worse when the attendant opens the door and asks what's going on and the gate agent tells him "These ladies almost missed the plane." I can't speak for my mom, but I wanted to die.

We got on the plane and all 20 people were staring at us like "WTF, you idiots." We shrank into the first available seats and my mom said that we should probably just be silent for the 50 minute flight into Maui.

Isn't that a horribly awesome story?! I actually felt a little bit like a rockstar stopping the flight from leaving the gate and then having them allow me onto the plane after they had already read all of the safety instructions. Plus, I was wearing this jacket:

You cannot do anything incognito in this jacket. The flight attendant actually said to me as we were walking onto the plane "Oh, it's you, I was wondering where you and that jacket went." 50 minutes later we had landed in Maui and spent the entire drive to our hotel laughing our asses off about what had just happened.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Me On: Training A Puppy

A few months ago, Michael and I got a puppy. I knew a little bit about training a puppy and still felt under prepared for the task we took on. I'm hoping these tips will help anyone out there thinking about purchasing an adorable little rascal like the one above.

  • Research the breed. You might want to do this before, especially if you have specific things you want or things you don't want. I don't think you have to, though. I do think researching the breed after you get the little pup is important so that you can have a better understanding of what their strengths and weaknesses are and also what kind of care they need.

  • Puppy proof an isolation area. We didn't do this right away. When we were gone, Kirby was in his kennel, but when we were home, Kirby was roaming free. Purchasing a baby gate and giving Kirby an isolation area saved us. You see, puppies, much like babies, act up when they are overly tired. When their behavior gets so bad that you can't stand it anymore, put them in the isolation, put up the baby gate, grab a stiff drink and ignore them.

  • Establish a schedule. The minute Kirby stepped foot in our house, he was on a schedule. I think this helps the puppies get some structure to their day so they know when to nap, when to poop, when to play, when to eat.

  • Sign up for a training class. I can honestly say that I don't know what I would have done without Kirby's training classes. And I kind of knew how to train him. The best part about the training classes are that they really tire the dog out, so you get this awesome hour of training and then you get a sleeping dog.

  • Work on training everyday. This might sound like overkill, but once we started the training classes, we did at least two 15-minute training sessions at home everyday. Anytime Kirby would start really acting up, we would go get a handful of his kibble and do some training. After doing this for a few weeks, we were able to do less training, but in the first few weeks of having him at home, the training worked to both teach the dog that he had to do what we told him and also gave us some peace of mind that the dog could actually be trained.

  • Make your own dog toys. Dog toys are expensive and a lot of dogs can chew through them quickly. A friend had gotten a puppy a few weeks before we got Kirby and she told me about several different DIY dog toys. It was a real money saver and Kirby liked the homemade toys better than the store bought ones. For us, the best was the empty plastic water bottle. Although we had to put the bottle in a sock because Kirby is terrified of plastic. That's not a joke. He is terrified of plastic items.

  • Take time away from the dog. I have a hard time with this one. But, I remind myself that dogs don't need constant attention and toilets won't clean themselves. I have a lot of guilt that I work during the day and Kirby has to be alone that whole time. I often tried to overcompensate by never putting him in isolation when we were home. That only left me tired and frustrated. It's always healthy to take some time away from the dog. They honestly won't remember it. They are noodle heads.

Kirby has been so much fun and so frustrating at the same time. The other night I had gotten really mad at him for nipping me too hard when we were playing. I put him in isolation. When I let him and went back to sit on the couch, Kirby jumped up next to me and laid down with his head in my lap and fell asleep cuddled against me. He's sweet like that and it melts away all of his annoying little habits.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Fashion Files: Offensive Footwear

I think I've made it pretty clear on this blog how I feel about Crocs. In case you are a new reader, I'll break it down. I think Crocs are the creation of Satan. You know how people talk about world dictators and they always say "You think that dictator is bad, you should meet his son." World dictators always have crazier sons...ALWAYS.

Anyhow, so if Satan made the Croc, then his crazier son made the above shoe. And yes, people, that is a shoe that someone was wearing out in public. I know you can't see the person's face, but you can tell that he's an assclown by his shoes. Because who would wear those.
Does he have an intense and sadistic desire to humiliate his feet?

I can't imagine that they are comfortable either. I would think that having all of that stuff in between your toes would create major chafing. Or worse, toe sweat.

Blech, those shoes make me sick. I have to excuse myself to vomit.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Space Mountain

I think Space Mountain is truly the quintessential Disney ride. Anytime you are on the monorail, watch what happens to people when the see the Space Mountain building. Excitement mixed with fear. The true fear is that the line will be an hour long.

Space Mountain had a face lift recently and the changes were definitely positive. They added some interactive things in the queue so that the wait, if it's long, will at least be entertaining. I think they did something as well so that they can get more cars on the track because there was never a wait when we were there this last November. I mean, not even a five minute wait. So, they definitely did something.

Anyhow, Space Mountain has this bizarre way of giving me the giggles. I get on the thing and the moment we "take-off" I am laughing and can't stop until we safely return to Earth. It's just funny to me how you can't even see your hand in front of your face.

The ride itself is a little bit herky-jerky. You are in the pitch dark and going around corners at lightning speeds. Since you can't see, you can't really anticipate any of the turns or drops, so they all come out of nowhere. Your neck usually can't catch up. But, it's fun. One minute you are propelling up then on a loop to the left, then going down a fast little decline. Are you laughing with me?

This is not my favorite roller coaster at Disneyworld, but it's nostalgic and fun.

4/5 or 7/10 stars.