Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Things I Don't Understand, 2010 Edition

Last year, here were the things I didn't understand: Crocs, Hannah Montana, Lindsay Lohan's job, Trader Joe's and Jodi Picoult books. I still don't understand these things, although Lindsay Lohan has become more clear (as in, no one will hire her, but she continues to spend money as if she's making money because she's a crackhead either that or she actually is making money and I'm the crackhead). But, out with the old and in with the new. I have a new list of things that boggle my mind.
1. Uggs - I actually sort of get these. They are warm and comfy and cozy, but they are also ugly looking and expensive and they break down easily. I consider these a security blanket for your feet. I've seen people wearing their beat down Uggs to the grocery store...in June... Do your feet really need to be warm in June? Plus if any other shoe got so beat down that it looked like your dog had attacked them, peed on them and then left them in the street for a semi truck to run them over, you should have some self-respect and throw the effers out. But not Uggs. Oh no, Uggs you hold onto until all of the life has been sucked from their toasty shearling soles. Uggs puzzle me.

2. Kristen Stewart - she is a terrible actress. TERRIBLE! Did anyone see the scene in Twilight where she's in the hospital bed and Edward tells her he's leaving? Plus, I've seen her in other movies and she kind of does the same thing over and over again. It's like she just plays herself in every movie she's in, which isn't acting, it's just reciting lines. In 5 years she'll probably win an Oscar for reciting lines as herself playing an ugly, fat chick.

3. Elevator Etiquette - it's like elevators make people forget how to be polite. When I'm in an elevator and it stops on the floor I need to get out on and there's someone there waiting to get on the elevator, they storm it like the Bastille on 7/14. I always want to shout "I GET OUT BEFORE YOU GET ON!" Anything other than that is rude. Honestly. It's the rule.

4. Health Insurance - Here's what I know about health insurance. It's awesome even when it sucks so hard, it is complicated and confusing and no one ever likes to explain it (although it seems like everyone else in the world understands it even when I don't have a clue) and there is a debate about it. I read the newspaper articles and still don't really understand the debate. I think, when boiled down to idiot, it's because people want more coverage, but other people don't want to give more coverage. Or something. Anyhow, at open enrollment time at my work, I looked at all of the charts, read all of the information and came to the conclusion that I am dumb and therefore, extremely lucky to be insured. Just the other day I told my mom I was making a dentist appointment and she asked me if I had coverage. My response: "Hellz if I know."

5. Ed Hardy - People, please. If you are still spending money on these clothes, you should burn in hell for all of eternity. The dude from the octuplet show reveres his Ed Hardy tees, that should tell you something.

A year from now, I'm hoping at least 2 of these mysteries are cleared up for me, as well as at least one from the previous year. I'm hoping it's the Jodi Piccoult books. Because that shit ain't right.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Loving Frank

I'm so behind in my book reviewing!! Here's another one, I'll try to remember to add a picture later.

Loving Frank was a book recommendation by my boss. I never would have picked it up had she not said anything, but I'm so glad that she did. This book is so good and so interesting. Has anyone ever heard of this story before. Frank Lloyd Wright had an affair in the early 1900's, the scandal caused his career to fall apart, he went to Europe for awhile, was deep in debt, came back and built this amazing house in Wisconsin and then tragedy and sadness ensues. The ending of this story is probably the worst thing I have ever read AND...it's all a true story. I can't believe that I had never heard it before.

But, let's back up. This book struck a chord with me early on and initially I thought I was going to hate it. Mamah Borthwick, the protagonist and Frank Lloyd Wright's married mistress, leaves her husband and two small children, to go to Europe with Frank Lloyd Wright and be all lovey-dovey with him. It was so selfish and Mamah seemed so cavalier about doing it. I spent the first 100 pages of the book hating her. But, as the book continued and the layers unpeeled, you realize that she is not okay with her decision. She's devastated and heartbroken and trying to find her place in the world. She was caught between duty and obligation to her children and to herself. I definitely did not agree with her decisions, but I also understood them and sympathized with her.

When Mamah and Frank finally come back to the states, they are trying to build a life together. They are shamed by many people and they have difficulties in their relationship. Just when things start to go right, they all go terribly wrong.

As I said, I knew nothing about this story, so what happens at the end is completely shocking. I hate spoiling endings, so I won't do it here. But let's just say that someone meets a tragic end and your heart absolutely breaks.

Loving Frank is an incredible story and is pretty well written. I thought at times the story dragged on a bit and could have been edited down, but that's just me being picky.

4/5 or 8/10 stars!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009


Look how pretty! This year I decided to do theme wrapping. The theme being red, green and white. I outdid myself! And look how lovely they are under the tree...

Sunday, December 20, 2009

The Maltese Falcon

The Maltese Falcon is the original crime detective novel. I finally got around to reading it after hearing reference to it repeatedly. The Maltese Falcon is one of those things in entertainment that shows or movies like to make reference or pay homage to (aka copy) in order to make themselves sound smart. It usually doesn't work, but it always intrigued me as to what the novel is actually about.

So, it was good, but not fantastic. Basically I can't give you a rundown of the book for two reasons. 1. It was confusing, lots of twists and turns, people aren't who they seem to be and the book reads at a fast pace, so paraphrasing it would be difficult. And 2. I read it about 3 months ago and can't remember shit about the plot. That should tell you something.

But, I did like the book and the writing was impeccable. Props to Dashiell Hammet.

4/5 or 7/10 stars.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Random Acts of Douchebaggery

This was a note an anonymous neighbor left on my door for everyone else to see. The best part is that I never have the radio on. I guess not never, but almost never. And when it's on it's not on loud. I think she got the wrong apartment. What a bitch.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Jay Bird Walk

I know the correct term is jaywalking, but in my head, whenever I think of "jaywalking", I actually think the words "jaybirdwalking". Weird, right.

Whatever the term is, it's illegal. Which is also weird.

What I have noticed, however, is that the probability of seeing someone jaybirdwalking goes up about 80% in Minnesota once the weather gets cold. So, even though jaybirdwalking becomes exponentially more dangerous with high snowbanks and slippery roads, Minnesotans choose the worst of days to throw on their crusty Uggs and forge into the middle of the roads with oncoming traffic approaching from both sides.

Now, I know it's cold. And I know walking outside in the cold is a bitch in the truest sense of the word. But, Minnesotans (particularly those in the vicinity of West Seventh), I implore you to walk the extra 5 steps to the crosswalk and wait patiently for the lights. Don't jump the snowbank and don't start running like a mad fool once you see a tiny break in the traffic. These words will save your life.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Expedition Everest

Caution, this ride can make you sick. Fo' realz. It actually used to be worse. My mom and I were at the Animal Kingdom a few years back when they were "testing" the ride. We went on it and it gave me the best headrush. But there were people who staggered off of it and went straight for the trashcan. I'm not even joking. We saw at least 2 people do this.

Here's the deal, the coaster goes both forward and backward. Not only that, but it's pitch black and there's a point where you actually can't tell whether you are going forward or backward. It's wicked fun. There's also a yeti. He pops up from time to time wreaking havoc on young folks minds.

Funny story about this ride. The last time we were at the WDW, there was a British family in line behind us. The line was long and the family had this little 7 year old girl. She was terrified and kept crying that she didn't want to go on the ride. Her dad was being rather cold (typical Brit) and told her that she had to go on the ride because she's a big girl and can't be scared of things. She was begging him to not make her go on it and the father replied: "Ella, we all have to do things that scare us. Daddy does this by looking in the mirror everyday." Surprisingly, this seemed to soothe the girl. The ride, however, did not. The girl was wailing when she got off.

Scarred for life. That's what this ride will do to you.

5/5 or 9/10 stars.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

A Happy December

This image comes straight from my homemaking idol Ms. Martha Stewart. One day I will make this wreath for Christmas.
On that note...Happy December! I hope that everyone is busy mulling cider, eating cookies, roasting chesters nuts, sipping cocoa and enjoying smoldering fires. Yay for the holidays!