Monday, March 31, 2008

A Slut Named Snow Just Ruined My April's Eve

Here's what I was wearing last year on April's Eve:

It was sleeveless (and low cut, but you can't tell from this picture). My point is that there's something cosmically wrong with 2008. It's been cantankerous at best and I am sick of it. After ringing in the new month of April I will be giving 2008 the biggest bitch slap I can muster. I think that everyone should join me. It will be the bitch slap felt 'round the world. *BAM*. I may not have a lot of upper arm strength, but I'm very scrappy.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Vegas Lounge, A Wrinkle In Time

You know it's bad when you go out to a bar on a Saturday night and the hottest dude in the place is wearing sweatpants and a tshirt with a predatory animal on it. That's right a tshirt with an animal showing fangs. HOT!

Stepping into the Vegas Lounge was like entering a time portal and being thrown into a Minneapolis dive bar in 1993. And there was karaoke. The highlight of the evening came when an old drunk lady of about 60 had the following conversation with Grace:

Old Lady: Hey, do you speak sign language?
Grace: No.
OL: My boss wants me to talk to deaf people.
G: Hmmm....
A little later, the lady hugs Grace and says:
OL: I knew from the second that I saw you that you were a good girl.
G: Thanks.
OL: I teach catechism classes.
G: Oh.
OL: You should model.
G: Thanks.
It's only a day away from my favorite holiday of the month! Happy Almost April bitches.

Monday, March 24, 2008


Where the eff did March go? Seriously. I woke up this morning and thought that April 1st must be about 3 weeks away until my 1,000 Places to See Before You Die Page-A-Day Calendar told me what's what. Today's photo was Mt. Rainier in case you were wondering (true story).

Anyhow, the history lesson for the day is that La Tour Eiffel (Eiffel Tower) was inaugurated on April's Eve in 1889. Thank you Gustave Eiffel your decorative use of over 7,000 tons of steel is truly an inspiration.

Monday, March 10, 2008

2008 Wish Come True

SNAP A LAP! It's like I have a genie in a bottle up in here. My 2008 Wish for Minneapolis was a hip new club to lower my inhibitions and general standards of decency. Holy Hannah my every dream came true.

Sort of...

Sushi Seven Ultralounge recently opened in downtown and it's so hip it's almost 5 minutes ago. I don't care though, I'm just glad someone read my blog and recognized the intense need for new blood in downtown.

In other partying news, I have almost officially turned my back on uptown. In the last two months I have been viciously kicked out of a liquor store, told I was ugly and been flipped off by a random stranger for no apparent reason. Basically I'm not crossing the border until that part of the city gets a serious attitude adjustment. That means I will not be spreading the NME joy to uptown for awhile.

Monday, March 3, 2008

February - Out Like A Bitch

I had to use an old photograph from the famous April's Eve 2007 to show the passing of March's Eve. I blame it on the cold, bitter weather and the fact that everyone hates February for the recent slowdown in NME celebrations globally. It's okay though, I hear warmer weather and the advent of spring melts even the iciest of hearts.