Wednesday, November 26, 2014

RAD - Olympic Speed Skating Uniform Makers

It's back!  Random Acts of Douchebaggery has a whole lot of new content coming your way.  This is an oldie, but one that's been stewing in my brain for awhile.

As you all know, I aggressively love the Olympics.  This past February, for the Sochi Olympics, I watched the coverage every night.  I was there with Bob Costas when he had the pink that was so bad they booted him from the air.  I was there when the heat wave melted all of the snow outside so the snowboarders were all falling and getting injured.  And I was there when the USA's speed skating team sucked it up big time.

They were terrible.  And speed skating is not that fun to watch unless your team is winning.

I have a theory for why they sucked.  Maybe the costumes had something to do with it?  Who did this to them?  WHO?  I want names and addresses because this is terrible.  I'm sure that there is some scientific reason for the gray circular patch of fabric right in the crotchal region, but science be damned that shit is not right.

So I'm RADding the uniform makers, but also every person who looked at a USA team member in this uniform and said "Alright, let's get out there!"  

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Favorite Things - Stella & Dot

Now that I am a Stella & Dot Stylist, I wanted to share a few of my favorite items just in time for the holidays.  There are some great sales on the website right now, as well as the Dot Dollars promotion.  Spend $50 now through December 15 and you will receive $25 Dot Dollars to spend on a purchase made from December 30 - January 7.  As I look at it, buy a gift now and something for yourself after Christmas.  A win-win!  Check out my site at

Here are some of my favorite items.

I love this little bracelet for a Christmas gift.  It has a great price point at $19 and comes with the cutest packaging.  It has it's own little envelope with a beautiful foiled gold pattern on it.  This would be great in a stocking.  It would be great for a family member who needs a little extra luck.  It would be a cute gift for a hostess or for your child's school teacher.  At such a great price you can buy more than one!

One of the first Stella & Dot items that I bought was a scarf.  Then I bought another.  Then another.  During the winter I almost never take the scarf off.  Their scarves are a great quality and are huge.  They are a full-sized scarf that you can style in multiple different ways or wear as a shawl.  The scarves come in multiple colors and patterns.  All are priced at $59, but right now a few are on sale at great prices!  You will not be disappointed with this purchase.  In fact, you will probably thank me for the suggestion.

I'm a bag lady.  Or as my husband would say, a bag hoarder.  I love a good bag.  The Getaway bag is amaze balls.  Look at it!  It fits an entire baby, and that's before it's extended.  Yes, that is right…this bag can be extended!  There is a zipper towards the bottom that zips out an extended part of the bag.  Bring it on a weekend trip in the smaller form, and then extend it to accommodate all of your vacation purchases.

The Devon Layering Necklace would be great as a gift or for yourself.  The necklace is OMGSOLONG.  You can layer it in multiple ways so you just wear it how you like it on that particular day.  It is so versatile, gets you many compliments, and is only $49.  It comes in both silver and gold.

The Petra Braided Bracelet is one of my splurge items.  This picture does not do it justice.  The bracelet is large, so it makes a statement.  That statement is "Hello, I am gorgeous and sparkly and just plain fabulous."  Mixed in with the chain links are multiple rhinestones, so the bracelet catches the light and really sparkles.  It would add a dramatic finish to a holiday outfit.

There are just some of my favorites.  It was hard to pick because I love it all!  Check out my website for more lovely items,  Let me know any questions that you have and happy shopping.  Act fast for Black Friday deals and Dot Dollars.

Monday, November 24, 2014

Babies Like Cheap Things

Brigid loves looking at and playing in the water.  She squeals with delight when you pour water over her hand.  I noticed awhile back that her daycare had this water-filled lily pad.  The kids always seemed drawn towards it, and I wondered if I could make something similar at home.

I found an idea for water sensory bottles and decided to try it out.  All I needed was an empty plastic bottle ($1.25), water (free), and something to stick into the water.  I had these crafting pom pom balls and thought they would be perfect.  I think I got the pom poms for under $2 at the craft store.

I cleaned out the bottle thoroughly since I knew the baby would be putting it in her mouth a lot.  Then I filled it up 3/4 of the way with water.  Don't fill it all the way, otherwise you won't get that sloshing effect that babies love to watch.  You could also put some food coloring in the water to give it a different color.

After filling it with water, I took a few handfuls of the pom poms and stuffed them into the top.  To my surprise, the pom poms actually float in the water as if they are suspended.  I would highly recommend using the pom poms as I'm not sure you would get the same effect with sequins or something like that.

To cap it off (PUNNY!) I put some hot glue on the cap so that it wouldn't come off the bottle.

Brigid absolutely loves this toy.  In fact, she prefers it to other toys.  She loves watching the pom poms float in the water and also loves when you shake the bottle so it all looks like it is caught in a windstorm.  The entire craft cost me under $3, but it's given Brigid hours of enjoyment.

I also love these bottles because they remind me of the popular 1990's drink, Orbitz.  Did anyone else get Orbitz.  I bought three bottles because I thought they looked so cool.  Then I tasted one.  It was nasty.  I almost puked.  The other two bottles remained on my bookcase looking cool for about 10 years.  Teenagers are so weird.

Friday, November 21, 2014

The Million Dollar Dog

Let me explain what you are seeing here.  This is a dog laying in a bed wearing a t-shirt and boxer shorts.  Here is the story of why our dog had to wear a t-shirt and boxer shorts.  Spoiler alert: he liked wearing clothes and he's allergic to everything (he's even allergic to the clothes that he's wearing).

At some point in our first year of owning Kirby we started noticing that he was chewing on his tail.  We tried to stop it, but we came home one day to find that he had chewed off a huge patch of hair on his tail.  Then we started noticing these sores all up and down his belly.  The first diagnosis was that he was bored or suffering from separation anxiety and that the chewing and excessive licking would stop eventually.

From that point on, the chewing and licking increased and the sores kept returning.  The pattern would start with us noticing an increase in licking and chewing, usually Kirby would run off to another part of the house so we wouldn't stop him.  Then he would get these dry patches or hot spots all over his skin.  Then those patches would start turning red and then black.  The sores would spread rapidly over his belly, groin, legs, thighs, and chest.  It was awful.  He was on medication all of the time.  He started learning that if he made a swallowing motion we would think he had swallowed his medication, and then he'd go spit it out in a corner somewhere.  We tried Neosporin on the sores, but he just ate most of it off of himself.  We sprayed him with hydrocortisone lotion and he hated it.  We tried fish oil pills and would hide it in his food.  If we hid the capsule he would simply eat around it, if we put the oil on the food he might not eat it.  Our last resort was to have Kirby wear clothes while he was in the house.  He actually loved it.

Finally this summer we were told that they were seeing a pattern to his itching and licking.  They thought it could be allergies and recommended we take him into a doggie dermatologist for an allergy test.  

We had his appointment set for this Tuesday.  Both Mike and I were anxious to find out what was wrong with the dog.  If it were allergies, then there was a treatment for him that is effective in 70% of dogs.  We had been warned that it could be expensive, but it would help him out in the long run.  

The doggie dermatologist gave Kirby a light sedation and then shaved a patch of his fur off and proceeded to prick him with about 70 different allergens.  After 30 minutes we had our results…Kirby is highly allergic to everything.  Okay, not everything but almost everything.  The vet said she had only ever seen a couple of dogs be as highly allergic as Kirby.  Here is the list of things Kirby is allergic to: dust (he's living in the wrong house for that), cotton (so his clothes were actually hurting him when we thought it was helping), all weeds, all grass (so all of that grass eating and rolling was killing him), and all trees (he also likes to eat leaves).  Basically it's hard for him to be indoors and outdoors.  As if he wasn't high maintenance enough!

We left the vet with this fun assortment of items:
This consists of two different sets of allergy shot serum, ear flush, ear drops, prednisone, multiple different types of needles, and a biohazard container for the needles.  All for a dog.  Oh, and remember how they told us it was going to be expensive?  Because Kirby is allergic to everything they had to double the allergy serum and so it will be double the expensiveness.  Oh Kirby.  Since Brigid has been born he has reminded us that he will always be more work than a baby.  But we love him anyways.

And after his big day, he got special cuddles from his favorite gal pal.  
As you can see, these two are working on their relationship.  Kirby looks thrilled, right?

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Monster's Laugh Floor

Disney loves people with senses of humor.  They like to do a lot of audience participation gags, and so love to call out random people in the audience and poke a little fun at them.  They love it when they get show boaters who can take the joke and have fun with it.  I am absolutely not one of those people.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the one Disneyworld attraction that I will never again go to.  In fact, I'd call this the most horrible of the Disneyworld attractions.

Fun fact about me: I am really great at public speaking.  I can rock any kind of prepared speech or presentation.  But I hate being called out in front of a large group of people.  It actually makes my blood run cold and my bones go rigid.  I can't move, think, or speak.  It's the most awful feeling in the world.  You can imagine how I felt about the socratic method of teaching that law schools use to question you during classes.

When Monsters, Inc. Laugh Floor first opened in Tomorrowland, I was excited to try it out.  I loved the movie Monsters, Inc.  It's still one of my favorite Disney movies.  I remember going into the theatre the first time completely unaware of what was going to happen.  I thought it would be a fun little movie where the seats squirted water at you, like Mickey's Philharmonic in Fantasyland.  I was wrong.  Monsters, Inc. Laugh Floor is nothing like that.

Here's the setup, Monsters, Inc. needs to collect laughs to refill their power source.  So they are going to do this comedy show to get the crowd laughing.  Comedy is great, but this comedy was at the audience's expense.

What transpires in the 15 minutes that you are in the theatre is horrific.  There is a camera somewhere that randomly selects people in the audience and puts their picture up on a screen in front of HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE.  Then they make fun of you.  I'm not even joking.  Everyone in a room is laughing at a joke made at your expense.  It's absolutely terrible.  You never know if your ugly mug will be the next one projected onto a screen the size of a movie theatre screen.  The anxiety that swept through me during my one and only time at the Laugh Floor attraction probably took a year or two off of my life.

I walked out safe because I didn't make it onto the big screen, but I vowed to never again step foot in the Monsters, Inc. Laugh Floor.  This attraction is truly terrible.  Skip it.  Always skip it.  It's my dream to give the Laugh Floor its final and eternal shepherd hook.

Zero stars.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Last Dance

Last Friday was my last day at work.  I loved my job, but my boss retired and my employment was tied to hers so I had to leave.  I have never been good with change, so my plan was to just deny that it was happening and break down when I got home.  This would have been a great plan except on your last day of work everyone wants to remind you that it's your OMGLASTDAY.  So, I couldn't really deny. Luckily my makeup held up through the day.

I decided that I wanted to treat myself on my last day.  The biggest treat at work was going to lunch at The Saint Paul Grill.  "The Grill" is a fancy restaurant attached to the fanciest hotel in the city, The Saint Paul Hotel.  I'm a bit partial to SPH as our wedding reception was held there, but I have actually loved it for years.  I often went to lunch at their more casual restaurant, Mike and I have gone there to celebrate special occasions, the bar has great champagne cocktails, and they have a fabulous tea service.  If you have never done their high tea service you are really missing out!

I had made a plan, I was going to lunch by myself (avoiding anyone who wanted to talk about my last day) at the Grill.  I was going to have their glorious Landmark Salad and probably a side of french fries.  Don't judge!  A last day at work deserves french fries.  I was also going to have a glass of Diet Coke.  At the Grill you get your Diet Coke in an adorable little glass bottle.  It makes me feel like I'm in a commercial.  This plan was the only happy thing in my last day of work.

I got to the Grill just a smidge before noon to beat the Friday afternoon madness.  I asked the hostess if I could sit at a table in the bar.  "Is it just you?" she asked.  Yep, just me.  She told me to pick a table in the bar area then.  I went to one of the high-top tables.  A waiter quickly brought me a glass of water and asked if I needed a menu.  He quickly came back with a bread basket and a menu.  My lunch hour was off to the perfect start.

Then I waited.  You know how terrible it is to eat alone at a busy restaurant.  I mean it's super horrible. You feel like people are looking at you.  Even though no one actually is looking at you because no one cares about you, you still feel like you are the center of every one's world and they are all wondering why you are dining alone.  That is the self-centered but glorious truth of eating by yourself.

I persevered.  I didn't care if people were looking.  I just wanted my salad, fries, and Diet Coke.  But as I sat alone I started to think about my job ending and I got a few tears in my eyes.  The couple next to me definitely looked over as I tried to sniff them away.

Then I had that moment.  That awkward dining moment where you realize that everyone sitting around you was seated after you but has already received their entrees.  I don't handle this moment well.  I have hanger issues.

I realized that I had been sitting at the table by myself with only a bread basket to talk to for 35 minutes.  But I had eaten an embarrassing amount (read: all) of the bread.  I wasn't sure what the bread basket etiquette was.  I had to be back at work at 1:00 p.m. for a meeting, so didn't have time anymore to order.  Did I leave a few dollars for the bread?  Where the hell was my waiter?!  I couldn't hunt anyone down to give them my last three dollars for eating a half loaf of bread!  But if I just left I didn't want to look like a thief.

I ended up going up to the bar and waiting for a bartender to come out of the kitchen area.  When one finally did materialize I tried to had her $3 for the bread and she said "You don't have to pay for bread and bad service."  So I left a carby, bloated, teary mess.  I was also hangry.  Luckily Mike had gotten me donuts that morning, and I still had one left.

And that, my friends, is how I will always remember my last day of work.