Tuesday, November 24, 2009

An Open Letter to All Attorneys

...Or at least every attorney that I work with.

Dear Attorneys,

Please get your shit together so that I don't have to babysit you. Please put things into your calendars, please listen to your voicemail daily, please check your email daily, please be prepared for jury trials, please stop with your mothereffing bullshit excuses. It would be much appreciated, 'kay, thanks.


Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Me On...

I never post celebrity things, but this smacked me upside the head in a way that only something seriously shocking can do. I'm just going to bust it out: What the fuck is going on here?

This is Leighton Meester. Leighton Meester is gorgeous, except apparently last night someone hit her with an ugly stick. I think they paid special attention to the pants. And they didn't just hit her, they beat her down. Ugh....my eyes hurt.

The pants. I'm speechless.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Complete Annoyance Is...

Ordering a shit ton of stuff from sephora.com and 5 minutes after placing the order receiving an email stating: Don't forget to use this promotional code and save 20% off your entire sephora.com order.

Thanks bitch.

On a more positive note, I'm up to 22 books read for the year. Stop laughing, it's sort of a lofty achievement, especially considering that at least 5 of these books were 500+ pages.

Friday, November 13, 2009

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

The French title for this book (and movie) is Le Scaphandre et le Papillon, sounds sexy right? Anyhow, I feel like I first need to talk about the movie before I can talk about the book.

I rented this movie on netflix about a year and a half ago. I knew NOTHING about it, didn't even know it was a book. I just knew it was french and sad. At the time I watched the movie I was unemployed, it was 2:00 A.M. and I was already sad. I thought watching a sad movie isn't going to hurt. Except the movie isn't really sad as much as it's moving. It moved my little black heart to feel tears burn hot against my cheeks for about 3 hours after the movie finished. Seriously, it's that good.

So, the book...this was my first book for the readathon. It's short, but so full if you know what I mean. Here's the story. The narrator was the editor of French Elle and suffered a massive stroke one day. The stroke didn't kill him, just left him with this thing called locked-in syndrome, meaning he could see, think and hear, but couldn't move a muscle. He literally couldn't move a muscle in his body with the exception of one...his eye. The story tells what it's like to live like that. Just a vegetable, but with your mind fully functioning.

The truly gripping part of the story is that this guy, Jean Dominique-Bauby, wrote the book while living with the locked-in syndrome. HE BLINKED OUT THE BOOK. For realz. A lady came to the hospital and they came up with this blinking system and he blinked out what he wanted to say and she wrote it down.

If your mind just exploded, that's a totally natural response. Here I was watching this movie, unemployed and spending the majority of my day watching the food network and feeling sorry for myself. When I found out that there is a person in the world he wrote a book while completely paralyzed I realized that finding a job was something I could do.

5/5 or 9/10 stars.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Clearly its the First Time She's Heard of a Fax Machine

Here's a snippet of a conversation that I had yesterday morning:

Lady on Phone: Can you fax a copy of that NCO cancellation to the workhouse?
Me: Yes.
Lady on Phone: Great, when will you do that?
Me: I will likely do that this morning, before noon.
Lady on Phone: And how long will it take to get to the workhouse?
Me: Via fax...seriously...
Lady on Phone: Yes, will it take a few days to get to the workhouse if you send it by the fax? I don't know how it works.
Me: A fax is instantaneous.
Lady on Phone: Really, wow, that's awesome.
Me: Yes, modern technology is like that.

Honestly. This is my life.