Monday, August 8, 2011


Confession time. I have never been confronted by a Jehovah's Witness. Which I feel really lucky about. Although, at my first job out of college I worked with someone who was an actual Jehovah's Witness. She was really fun except you were told to never talk to her about birthdays. She also never participated in the Christmas activities even though we called them holiday parties. She did, however, always accept the Christmas bonus check.

I feel like my time to be confronted by a Jehovah's Witness is coming close. A few months ago I was accosted by some LDSers (that's Mormon's for those of you not in the loop) while walking Ramsey. It was raining and these three girls on bikes rode up to me and surrounded me and asked me questions about my faith and what I knew about the Church of Latter Day Saints. They kept handing me pamphlets and they were not giving up. I finally had to say I'm a Catholic and that's not changing and then push my way through their bicycle blockade.

Right now I'm reading the book Under the Banner of Heaven and I wish that I had the knowledge of the LDS church back then. Because when they asked me the question: "What do you know about the Church of Latter Day Saints?" I could have opened up a litany about all of the things that I knew. I'll be prepared next time.

Then last week, I went home at lunchtime to let Kirby out and found this flyer stuck in the door. I love how the flyer is all fire and brimstone that us dumb, non Jehovah's humans are going to ruin this earth and then says "You are warmly invited to come and listen to the answer."

Gee, thanks! I'm glad that you won't tar and feather me at the door. You'll just damn me to hell for not joining your church. Which is an awesome way to welcome somebody. When these people next come to my door and I'm there, I'm going to allow Kirby to have his way. A 65-pound puppy who can jump up on a large male adult and look them square in the eye while humping their leg is the best way to say "Get the eff off of my property" without actually saying it. Don't you agree?

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