Monday, January 23, 2012

Encountering Engaged Clowns

This past weekend, Mike and I had to attend a one-day engagement encounter. While neither of us were looking forward to spending the entire day at the encounter (9:00 A.M. to 8:30 P.M. with a half-hour drive each way), both of us were looking forward to learning a little bit more about what our marriage would be like.

When we arrived, we were greeted by the main couple moderators. They were very friendly, but right away annoyed me. It was something about the jokes that they made and how loud they were laughing at their own jokes. When the first session started, it didn't get much better. They were talking way too much and over-sharing about their lives.

Then they started discussing how they had both been divorced before and this was their second marriage. Which I'm not going to fault them for, divorce happens. My first WTF moment with them was when they said that not only were they on their second marriage, but they had only been married for 4 months. Okay, how does being 4 months into your second marriage qualify you for teaching engaged couples about successful marriages?

However, that information would pale in comparison to what they would next share with us. It started with a discussion of spiritual divorce and the act of pulling away from your spouse. The couple moderators were going to share with us a difficult time in their relationship. The woman started the story with, "When I first met Krusty (name changed to protect myself), I knew he was a clown. I wasn't worried about it, though. What I was worried about was his ability to provide for himself and our family." She started going on in the story, when her husband (Krusty) interrupted her and said, "I should note here that when she says clown, she doesn't just mean that I'm a goofy guy, she means clowning is what I do."

This was the second WTF moment. They were professional clowns. Now, if being a clown is what you love, then be a clown. However, it's really hard to take people seriously when you are imagining them in a Bozo wig and clown makeup. Isn't the whole point of clowning? That people don't take you seriously. Which is fine when you are at a circus, but this is an engagement encounter. And there's really nothing that I take quite as seriously as my upcoming marriage. So, having these clowns poison the day was really pissing me off.

The third WTF moment was when Krusty was talking about that one summer when he wasn't getting as much business in his clowning and it made him depressed, so he played World of Warcraft all day long. This made his fiancee angry. And who could blame her, no one likes a sad clown.

Needless to say, there was absolutely nothing that these two goofballs could teach me about having a successful marriage. I'm pretty sure that Mike and I were more qualified to teach the class. The joy of the day was that when they got to the topic of sexuality, the clowns stayed silent. Only the old people moderators told us about their sex life. I'm pretty sure I would have had to leave if I heard about their clown sex.

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