Monday, November 21, 2011

Random Acts of Douchebaggery

Sheriff Kirby is not happy. He's upset with retailers creating the craze that is Black Friday and then exploiting it to all the dum-dum humans. But this year is different. This year makes Sheriff Kirby IRATE! Stores opening at midnight and the human folk falling for it. WTF you big old douchebags.

Several years ago, my mother asked me to wait in line outside the Best Buy store on Black Friday so that we could get a good deal on a new computer. My exact words were "Hellz No Biznitch." It was cold and the store opened at 7:00 A.M. We would have to get there at 5:00 A.M. and I was not wasting a day off of school to get up early. No deal is that good.

I was totally right. NO DEAL IS THAT GOOD. Stop telling me about how you got a $300 printer for $50. I don't care. You look like a total ass clown camping outside the store in your tent. A printer is not worth losing your dignity.

This year, however, retailers are crossing a line. Stores are opening up at midnight, which ruins many people's turkey days. So, you're telling me that to get the best deals I have to leave my family early to go wait in line outside a local Kmart to get the ultimate blue light special. Way to ruin a holiday retailers. What will they do next year, start the deals at 8:00 P.M. on Thanksgiving. In 10 years the deals will start on midnight of Halloween!

The retail industry has gone too far and both Kirby and myself are RADding them. Boycott your local black Friday deals and let's take back Thanksgiving together!

On a side note, when I was a youngster my grandpa was telling me about how he had to go to Kmart and wanted to know if I would go with him. I said "Grandpa, you CANNOT go to Kmart! Someone might see you in there."


Anonymous said...

Oh my god - as I was reading this, I saw a commercial for Kmart advertising they were open on Thanksgiving Day and all the deals! Your prediction of Halloween may not be too far off :)

Anonymous said...

In my defense, it was a really good deal at Best Buy. Plus Ralph wouldn't go with me, so you were my next best option.

Love ya,

Molly said...

Annie - How crazy is that? Who would go shopping on Thanksgiving? That's the day you play Christmas music and watch White Christmas, right?

Mom - You must not have read the part about good deals not being good enough to trade in your dignity.

Anonymous said...

I love the blog. I must say, I am not a fan of the midnight opening either for the sake of keeping Holidays sacred and about family; however, there are some crazy shoppers out there who love the deals, make this a family event and wanted it at midnight!

I am also COMPLETELY against anything Christmas prior to Thanksgiving. You should hear me when I go into a store that has decorations and Christmas stuff out prior to Thanksgiving. Not cool. And 102.9, no Xmas Music yet PLEASE! As always, great post!


Anonymous said...

I think you forgot the one year that Ralph and I went, while you slept, and we scored several items that you got for Christmas presents that year. Plus, I got a new computer that I believe you also used to use. So you should be thanking me for being a store trooper and getting out with the crowds. It was actually fun!

Love ya,