Monday, November 7, 2011

Toe Fetishes

Last week for Halloween, a coworker came into work with this plate of cookies that she had made that all looked like different body parts. There were fingers, eyeballs and toes. She wanted everyone to take one of each. Above is a picture of the toe cookie.

The three cookies sat on my desk haunting me for the entire day. First I tried to eat the finger, but got really grossed out and couldn't bite into it. So, when no one was looking I threw it into my trash bin and then put a paper cup on top of it so that no one would know. Next, I tried the eyeball. I managed to take a small bite, but had to spit it out into a napkin. I kept thinking of actual eyeballs and I started gagging. That left the toe.

Oh Lord, that toe. Look at the thing. First of all, what is up with the green? The obvious explanation is that it is a witches toe, but I kept thinking of that one nail fungus commercial where the toe nail is lifted up and the cartoon fungus settles in. Then the black nail. Color me heebeejeebeed. After looking at the toe for a full day and a half, I finally pitched it. I just can't eat things that look like body parts (minds out of the gutter).

After getting rid of all of the body part cookies, I felt free! And I no longer got sick to my stomach sitting at my desk. Until the coworker came back and said that she had 10 toes left and that since I ate mine up so fast I should take another one. Shame set in and I grabbed a new toe off of her tray. Then she sat talking to me for 15 minutes probably wondering why the hell I wasn't biting into the cookie. As soon as she left I threw the toe into the garbage. Just holding it was giving me the shivers.

Do me a favor, please. If you ever make something that looks like a disgusting body part, do not offer it to me. And if you do, know that I will throw it directly into the trash. Directly. I won't consider your feelings. You've been warned.

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