Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Snow White's Adventures - R.I.P.

Snow White's Adventures at the WDW is no longer.  They gave it the boots to make room for the new Fantasyland expansion.  The old Snow White's Adventures space will be turned into a princess meet and greet and in the new Fantasyland, there will be a roller coaster ride as a substitute for the old Snow White's Adventures called The Seven Dwarfs (I find it weird that it's Dwarfs and not Dwarves, but this is what spell check is telling me) Mine Train.  I realize that no one consulted me because they don't give a crap about my opinion, but I'm against this bold move. 

Snow White's Adventures was a classic Disney ride and now it's gone.  What did Snow White do to deserve this treatment?  Sure the ride was dumb and a little too scary for the young children that it was geared towards, but that doesn't mean it should get sent to the graveyard. 

In a tribute to a great ride, I will still review this one even though it's totally irrelevant.  First, Snow White's Adventures is scary.  Little children beware.  They do have warnings about this at the ride entrance and in the park maps.  There aren't things jumping out at you or anything of that nature, but there are a lot of dark portions of the ride with creepy music and the Evil Queen dressed in her hag disguise.  I think a 6-year-old should be fine, but kids younger than four might have some nightmares if you force(d) this one upon them. 

Riders are transported through the story of Snow White in a little wooden car.  Things start out smoothly with Snow singing about birds and lollipops and other crap like that.  Little does she know that the Evil Queen hates her face and wants to see her die.  The Huntsman warns Snow to run away and she does so into a forest of creepy, talking trees.  After the forest misery, she meets the seven dwarfs and shacks up with them so she can continue singing about rainbows and fluffy bunnies.  However, when the queen/hag comes knocking at her cottage door with a shiny red apple, Snow acts a fool and eats food from ugly strangers.  What a dumbass.  Snow goes to sleep until her prince comes and kisses her and we have happily ever after.  Clearly Snow's story is a great representation of life and love.

The end.  How could they get rid of this?  3/5 or 6/10 stars.  It wasn't fun, but it wasn't awful enough to be kicked from Fantasyland.  This might be worse than Horizons being booted from Epcot.

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