I stole an old woman's iced tea the other day. And I don't feel guilty. Here is my story.
One cold and chilly fall morning a few weeks ago, I went to Dunn Brothers for my morning iced tea. It was still September and I wasn't willing to give up my summer time drink despite the chill to the air. I get in line and order one large black iced tea.
After ordering, I move to the "Piccup Line" and wait for my order. There are two old ladies hogging the counter, so I was standing behind them to the side. After a couple of minutes a barista comes up with one large black iced tea and puts it on the end of the counter closest to me.
Here's my thought process: 1. On a cold day in a coffee shop, I must be the only idiot ordering an iced drink, 2. The drink sat there for more than 5 seconds without anyone else going to pick it up and 3. Iced tea isn't really an old lady drink. So, I swooped in and grabbed the iced tea.
As I started unwrapping the straw, I felt old bitty evil eyes poring into my side. I turned to see the old ladies glaring at me. I stop what I'm doing, look them into the eye and genuinely say "I'm so sorry, did one of you also order an iced tea?" Silence. I think the bitties were trying to shame me. Bitches, please. It's downtown at 8:00 on a workday morning. I feel no shame for diving at my morning caffeination. Maybe if they felt the same sense of urgency about being awake, they'd be enjoying an iced tea by now.
One of the old ladies mockingly said to me "I did order an iced tea, but maybe you were here first." Awesome Minnesota passive aggression. They clearly knew that they were here before me. So, I did the kind thing and slid the iced tea cup towards her and said "I'm sorry, why don't you take this one and we'll just get a new straw."
So, now I've apologized twice to her and offered her the iced tea. Old lady wasn't going to give up in trying to shame spiral me. She had to take one last dig and said "Maybe you need it, you look like you're in a real hurry."
That was it. I grabbed the iced tea and said "I am in a hurry", poked the straw into the top and took that first sweet sip all while making direct eye contact with the ladies. Then I left. I totally went downtown on her ass.