Toilet Talk

Is there anything more funny than bathroom humor? I think not. But seriously, I have a fear of public restrooms. I hate them. Sometimes this fear will cause me to hold it even when I really, really have to go. That is not healthy for me. I've learned that the hard way. One time, in high school, I was at a retreat and a friend and I went into the bathroom together. After she was finished, I asked her to leave the restroom so I could go in peace. I'm that weird about public restrooms.

Although, I'm not as weird as my coworkers. At my work, in the employee bathrooms, there are several large cans of Lysol spray. And my coworkers use them liberally. Every time you walk into the bathroom you're hit with a whiff of just sprayed Lysol Mountain Breeze, which, in my opinion, smells worse than ass. Honestly, it smells like rotting, burning wood. Plus, who walks into a bathroom expecting it to smell like roses? Clearly my coworkers are aware of what people do in there (hence the constant spraying of Lysol), so are they that surprised when they walk into the can and it smells like shit? It's not like it's an outhouse where the poop is just sitting there rotting and fermenting. This is a sanitary bathroom. When people drop a deuce it's just flushed right down the toilet and usually the smell subsides in a minute or two. These people need to chill out.

Anyhow, the real story that I was going to tell you was that I walked in on someone in a public restroom the other day. So funny and so embarrassing at the same time. I was out to dinner with girlfriends and I had a glass of Prosecco and 3 glasses of water. I had to go, badly. There was only one unisex restroom, so I did what I always do and tested the handle before barging in. I felt that it was unlocked and so flung the door open and started walking in when I heard a voice. I looked over and there was this girl sitting on the toilet. It took me a minute to register, so I was definitely standing half in the bathroom for a good 30 seconds before I bolted out. I almost forgot to shut the door behind me.

Then I stood outside the bathroom door wondering if my need to go to the bathroom was worth the embarrassment of me standing there until the girl was finished. The answer was no. I just ran back to the table. Because what else can you do? This incident, by the way, will not help my fear of public restrooms.