Dinosaur!

I do not get scared by much. Things that go bump in the night no longer bother me. But this ride literally leaves me crapping my pants and having to towel off the seat as I'm disembarking. It is effing scary.

The premise is that we are going back in time to get a plant eating dinosaur. But, turns out that we are really close to some meteor impact and so there's a lot of danger. You are in a car that is stalling and there aren't a lot of lights and then the lights get a bit brighter and you realize that you are right next to a t-rex who is roaring in your face and looking like he's going to eat you.

I realize that it's not really that scary and I also realize that it's fake and that the dinosaurs aren't actually real and therefore aren't going to eat me. But, in the moment, I just freak out. Most of the ride, I have my eyes closed tightly so that I can't see the dinosaurs, but it's still really loud and you can't exactly ignore a dinosaur's growl.

The other weird thing is that the line for this ride always used to be really long. The last few times I've been on it, there's been almost no line. What's the deal? My mom thinks dinosaurs are so not hot right now, so kids don't want to go on it. I'm wondering if maybe I'm not the only one who has soiled themselves on the ride.

Despite how scary it is, it's actually a fun time. I give it a 4 out of 5 or 8 out of 10 stars.

Not on Target

Dear Target Corporation,

I am disappointed in you lately. First of all, what is with your Christmas stuff this year. There are almost no nick-knacks that I can buy to clutter my home with. WTF? It's all ornaments and lights this year. Every year that I can think of Target has had some awesome nick-knacks. Target Corp., where are they? I miss them, please bring them back to me.

Also, your sock selection totally sucks. I need my Merona knee high socks in a variety of colors and patterns. Past winters I have gotten lots of colors and patterns. This year, there is almost none. And I don't count Xhiliration as socks. I can't buy those socks for work because I don't work as a hooker. I need knee high socks to go under my knee high boots for work. They keep me warm and fashionable. Please deliver those to me ASAP.

You don't carry OceanSpray CranRaspberry Lite juice. I love that juice. Please don't make me go to Lund's to get it.

In addition, your Up & Up brand tissues are cheaper, but the box colors and patterns are so atrociously ugly that I cannot buy them. No one's bathroom is bright blue or purple or mustard colored. Take a hint from Kleenex and neutralize your boxes so that I'm not embarrassed to have them in my bathroom.

Thank You,

Your #1 Fan, Molly

Disney at Christmastime

Lifelist #102 was to see the Christmas decorations at Disneyworld. I was just there and let me tell you, the place is decked out for the holidays. It's really very impressive. But, can I just say...slightly underwhelming. I think this picture illustrates the reason why. It's because there are no decorations on Cinderella's castle. At nighttime, the castle looks like this:

It's covered in a million white lights that look like icicles dangling down. So, it's a night stunner, but not a day one. The other big disappointment was there was no grand tree at the Magic Kingdom. All of the other parks had this huge tree in the entrance, but not one for the main WDW park? Apparently there is usually one, but they hadn't put it up yet. Those complaints aside, Christmas at the WDW is really fun. The decorations are lavish and gorgeous, there is an awesome Christmas Party that you can attend at the Magic Kingdom where you have a special parade and fireworks display and there is the grandaddy of all light displays at MGM. Look at this:

I don't think this picture does it any justice. It's 7.5 million lights. They are covering a block of the park. The display includes this 70 foot tree:

It also includes this:

That's right, Baby Jesus represents at WDW. I was actually shocked to see this. I think because Disney is a private entity, they can have it, but I'm surprised someone hasn't complained. Don't get me wrong, I'm fine with it, but this is something that peeps love to complain about.

All in all, I got my fill of gorgeous decorations and am happy to check #102 off my life list. I'll leave you with my favorite tree from the parks.

Random Acts of Douchebaggery

I haven't done a RAD in awhile, and they seem to be every one's favorite installment. So, without further ado, I'm RADding people with strollers at Disneyworld. Here's why:Notice this woman walking around happily with her stroller. Do you notice something missing? SHE LOST HER KID! The horrors! There is no child in the stroller and also there isn't a child anywhere near her that belongs to her. Those kids on the left aren't hers and even if they were, they are too old for strollers (not like that would stop them from crawling their lazy asses in one).

Anyhow, the woman is just pushing a stroller around totally empty. Which is really annoying. Because the streets of Disney get packed to the gills making it difficult to walk around. It's sort of survival of the fittest and typically the people rolling a stroller are the fittest because they can jam that beast into your legs, roll it over your feet, or throw it in the way of closing bus, monorail or automatic building doors.

So, if your kid doesn't need to be in a stroller all the time or a majority of the time, then leave that shit at home. Don't roll it around empty like a complete douche. Nor should you roll it around filled with packages like it's your personal grocery cart. If it's too heavy to carry, don't bring it or buy it.

I'm Back Y'all

I have been delinquent, but it's because I've been out of town. I don't like announcing that I'm out of town on the internets because I'm afraid peeps will pillage my house and steal my shit. But now that I'm back I can tell you that I was gone.

I was in the WDW. Gathering more blog information. One thing I have to touch on now, is strollers. I realize their practical purpose, but they are so annoying. Parents use them as weapons at the WDW and you best be getting out of their way. Also, why are 7 year olds in a stroller? Do they not have any self respect? Do their friends at school know? Because that would be really embarrassing.

Sorry I can't write more today, but I've got a job to do and it prevents me from blogging. I promise that I will be writing many more gems this weekend and next week!

The Story of the Red Socks

This is an old story, but I had a little chuckle remembering it and thought I would share. My friend Grace recently emailed me about group projects. I was a marketing major in college, so this email stirred up a lot of deeply hidden shit.

Junior year, I took Marketing 301. This class, like many other marketing classes, was kind of a joke. The grade was based on three tests and one group project. All of the tests were derivatives of previous tests that the professor had given in his prior years of teaching. All of his prior tests were posted online. So, you do the math. Yes, that's right, basically you could just look at the old tests and figure out what the questions would be. Almost everyone got an A.

The snaggletooth here was the group project. You had to do an analysis of a company, and the grade was based on a group paper, group presentation and then how the other people in the group evaluated your participation. I got into this awful group of people. They only wanted to meet on Sunday nights. I was unavailable on Sunday nights and even after explaining this to the people, they were like, well, we are still meeting on Sunday nights. Awesome. There goes my group evaluation score.

All in all, I did my share of the work. I did a lot of work on the paper, did a lot of writing and editing. A few other people were more involved in the presentation.

The day before the group presentation, my group got together to do a run through and make sure we had everything in order. This idiot girl in the group said she had an "awesome idea". She wanted to go to Target (we were doing the presentation on Target) and buy us all red socks. Then we would present with just the red socks on...no shoes...WTF?! I literally said to her "HELL NO." I just didn't see the point. Wouldn't it make more sense for us to just wear red shirts or something. Why would anyone be looking at our feet during the presentation? And if they were, we would look like shoeless ass clowns. Other people were like, yeah, I don't know about it. I thought the matter was dropped.

The day of the presentation, the idiot girl brings a bag full of red socks and everyone laughs and starts putting them on. It's literally minutes before our presentation. I am nervous and thinking about what I am going to say. I'm not spending this precious time putting on red socks. Plus, I was wearing a skirt suit with knee high boots (the professional kind, not the come eff me kind). I wasn't going to take off the boots and then take off my socks under the boots and put different socks on. That was ridiculous. Plus, I'm sure that I was nervous about the last time I shaved. I just know me and I'm always nervous about this. I have pale white skin and dark brown hair, so even a small growth is noticeable and makes me uncomfortable.

I threw a fit. Yes, I was 20 years old and threw a fit. I refused to put the socks on, telling my group I thought it was the dumbest idea ever and I just couldn't focus on that right now. So, they all wore the socks and I didn't.

At the end of the day, 95% of the class got an A and I got a B+. When I asked the professor how I could have gotten a B+ when I got an A on all 3 tests and on the group paper and presentation, he said that I got a low evaluation score from the rest of my group. All because of a pair of effing red socks.

Random Acts of Douchebaggery

No, your eyes are not playing tricks on you. These are purses that are fashioned after CROCS! Disgusting. Avert your eyes!

I think the holes are the greatest part about the purses. I get the holes in the CROCS. If you are wearing them as actual boating shoes (no, they actually weren't created for gardeners, Disney World tourists or even doctors) then you want the holes so that the water runs out of them. Do you really want that for your purse? I mean don't you want the items in your purse protected from the elements?

I truly believe these are the most heinous creations in the world and the person responsible for these purses is a douche in the truest sense.

The Girl Who Played With Fire

I feel like there's nothing of value that I can say about these books. This one was about a thousand times better than the first one. And the first one was good. However, there's not a lot of literary content involved and sometimes I think the surprises are far too obvious. The books are very intriguing and even though they are hundreds of pages, you can finish them relatively quickly. So, you feel like you've accomplished a helluva lot.

In TGWPWF, we are back with Lisbeth Salander and she is in the Caribbean...or some tropical place. And she's still lugging around that macbook. I do think Apple should give some money to Stieg Larsson's estate because these books have made me crave macbooks. It seems like you can do so much awesome hacking with them.

Then Lisbet comes back to Sweden (I think a hurricane was involved) and gets an awesome apartment which she can afford becaus she's stolen money. She also gets IKEA furniture. Bad move Salander. I joke, I love IKEA. Anyhow, so she's in this awesome apartment and gets herself into a heap of trouble. I mean, convicted of murders you didn't commit trouble.

Then shit gets unreal. Like seriously unreal. She escapes from multiple hits on her life and then goes on high speed chases and then is killed by her father and half brother and buried. Except she wasn't killed, and even though she's buried alive, she doesn't die. Like I said, shit gets unreal.

Another book full of twists and turns and it was captivating enough to make me want to finish it in a couple of days. So, that's something.

4/5 stars or maybe 8/10 if we're on a ten point scale.

Baz, This is a Horrible Idea

One of my favorite books of all time is The Great Gatsby. I love that book. Love it, love it, love it. I could read it over and over again.

I have always been freaked out hearing about possible The Great Gatsby movies. Sometimes Hollywood ruins books. One time I heard that MTV was thinking of doing a Gatsby movie with Paris Hilton and Lance Bass. I cried. I mean, that would be awful.

Just yesterday I saw something on a gossip website about Leonardo DiCaprio out with Baz Luhrmann and people are saying that Leo is cast in Baz's new production of The Great Gatsby. My heart was filled with glee. I adore Leonardo DiCpario, every movie he has made I have loved (with the exception of The Beach). I also love Baz Luhrmann. Two of my all-time favorite movies, William Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet and Moulin Rouge are his. He's got this gift of color and lyricism that I find so rare and beautiful.

Then this morning I log onto usmagazine.com and read that last night Leonardo DiCaprio, Baz Luhrmann and a bunch of other peeps were out to dinner with Blake Lively. Apparently she's being considered for the role of Daisy Buchanan. WTF?! Baz, Leo, have you not seen Gossip Girl? This bitch cannot act. Gossip Girl is dumb fun, but I can't even watch it because of her whiny, nasally voice. And she's so boring.

Don't get me wrong, Blake Lively is gorgeous, but you need more than gorgeousness to be a good actress. Plus, Daisy Buchanan is such a pivotal role in The Great Gatsby, you can't ruin Daisy with a bitch who cannot act. There are tons of young Hollywood actresses who would be killer Daisy's. YOU CANNOT PUT BLAKE LIVELY IN THIS MOVIE! I would go to the ends of the Earth to see another Baz Luhrmann movie with Leonardo DiCaprio...but I wouldn't go this far.

Anyone else have thoughts on this horrible idea?

The Smithsonian is Awesome...and Weird

On my latest vacation to the nation's capital, I of course made a few stops at the Smithsonian Museums. They are so great. You could spend an entire vacation just doing that kind of stuff. But, there's also some weird things there. For instance:George Washington Cut Plug...or is it Gut Plug? Gut Plug would make it really weird. But what is it exactly? A toy or an actual apothecary item? I couldn't tell you because there was no sign. Something like this deserves a sign.

There was also:

The Exciting New Game of The Kennedys. I could think of many inappropriate jokes as to what happens in this game. But really, this is worse than my Sweet Valley High Game. I kind of imagine it like Life. You've Decided to Run for Office. You've Stumbled Into A Life of Drugs and Alcohol. You've Begun an Affair with a Musician.

Another thing I found was this: A can of Colt 45. I think this was in the Vietnam War section and there was a note next to it. I think the note said something like enjoy this in Nam. I don't know if this is really history worthy. If it was Miller Lite, it'd be another story.

Overall, the Smithsonian is all kinds of awesome. I'm wondering if these types of items are in there for a good laugh?

Things I Don't Understand

I realized I had many things I wanted to write about. Instead of doing the smart thing and saving them all up for future articles. I'm doing the dumb things and putting them all in one and calling it Things I Don't Understand. Really, it's Things I Want to Bitch About. Here they are:

• Skank-o-ween. I remember from college that Halloween is a time when girls can dress like total sluts. And I mean sluttier than they normally do. Which is fine, wear your short skirts, fishnets and low cut tops (I did, so I wont' judge). But, this year on Halloween the stakes were raised. I saw one girl wearing straight up lingerie. It wasn't even a costume, unless she went as a Victoria's Secret model. Another girl was wearing a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader costume. It was a size too small, which means that her ass was hanging out and the material was about a centimeter above her areola. I think next year she has to go naked. I get wanting to be a little bit out there on Halloween, but let's keep it a bit classy ladies.
• The Minnesota Vikings. I'm not a football fan, but Mike is, so I've been watching a lot of football. I don't hate it, I actually like watching sports on tv. I have to tell you, though, the Vikings are so painful to watch. It's so boring. Honestly, as a non-football person I can tell you what the Vikings play will be 75% of the time. Favre hands the ball to AP and he runs right up the middle. This whole thing with Moss leads me to believe that perhaps someone is intentionally sabotaging the team. It would make a move out of MN a whole lot easier. Seriously, who signs Randy Moss, never passes the ball to him and then lets him go? I'm a football idiot and I still know somethings fishy about that. Getting Ziggy with it indeed.
• Voting. Signing onto facebook this morning left me more annoyed than usual. Oh wait, what was that....do you want me to vote? Can someone else please update their status to either (a) tell me that they voted, (b) tell me that I should vote, (c) tell me how the DFL party totally rules or (d) a combination of the above. I get it, facebook peeps want me to vote. Your constant nagging about it is worse than the ad campaigns.

Okay, I think I'm done. Happy November everyone!