2014 Reading List

This year was a pretty good one for reading considering I had a baby in April.  If I had a nickel for every time someone told me I could forget about ever reading again after I had a baby, I'd be a rich woman.  I still read every night before I go to bed.  And when I first had Brigid, I actually read more because I would often read to her.  Since she had no idea what I was reading to her, I just decided to read her the books that I was reading.  Worked like a charm.

Here are the books that I read this year:

1. The Bonfire of the Vanities (started in 2013)
2. The Sleepeasy Solution
3. Bringing Up Bebe
4. The Ocean at the End of the Lane
5. The Happiest Baby on the Block
6. Out of Order
7. The Black Dahlia
8. Allegiant
9. The Oath
10. Scaredy Dog
11. Atonement
12. Crazy Rich Asians
13. The Geography of Bliss
14. Veronika Decides to Die
15. Life After Life
16. Iron Curtain
17. A Clash of Kings
18. Zeitoun
19. A Visit From the Goon Squad
20. The Light Between Oceans
21. Simplicity Parenting
22. The Fantastic Laboratory of Dr. Weigl (currently reading, but probably won't finish by end of year)

When I go through this list, I realize that I read some clunkers this year.  None of the books were the worst book I ever read, but some of them were pretty boring.  And none of them were great.  

Favorite Book: The Black Dahlia.  Although this was a hard one to pick.  I read The Black Dahlia fast and was really engrossed in the story.  One weird thing about reading this book was that I was about 3/4 of the way finished when I told my husband that I was reading this really great book.  He answered, "I'm reading a good book now too."  Then we realized that we were reading the exact same book.  We don't have the same taste in books at all, so this was super bizarre.

Worst Book: Out of Order.  I'm picking this one as the worst simply because it was so surprisingly bad.  Out of Order was written by Sandra Day O'Connor and is about the history of The Supreme Court.  It was the most boring book I have ever read.  No sense of humor, no good anecdotes.  Some other stinkers on my list are Allegiant, Iron Curtain, and Life After Life.  The book Life After Life got great reviews, but I didn't get it.  I would actually read it again, though.  The plot gets really confusing if you aren't paying close attention, and I read this while I was sleep deprived and pumping milk alone in the dark at 2:00 a.m.  I think it is definitely worth another read but for this first read-through it is on my worst list.

Best Parenting Book: The Sleepeasy Solution.  If you want a good book on how to get your baby to sleep, it is this book.  It is not preachy.  It is simply filled with valuable information about the science of sleep and why we need to take the time to teach babies how to sleep.  I really loved this book and often refer back to it when I have a question about my daughter's sleeping.  

I love to hear what other people are reading.  Let me know what your best and worst books of the year were.  I love to know what I'm missing out on or what I should skip.  

Me On: The Movies

Does anyone have time to go to the movies nowadays?  The last movie that I went to see was Catching Fire.  That was almost a year ago.  I was pregnant and the movie was 2.5 hours long.  I went to the bathroom three times during the movie and decided that the inconvenience of having to walk to the bathroom three times during a movie wasn't worth the steep ticket price.  I never went to a movie since them.

My problem is that from the commute to and from the theatre, the painfully long commercials and previews, and the increasing length of the actual movie, going to the movies is a good 4+ hour investment.  I don't have that kind of time.  Even when I have that kind of time I feel so guilty using over 4 hours to do one thing.

First, I have to say that I actually love previews.  When I was in high school I was supposed to meet a couple of girlfriends at the movies.  They were coming together and I was coming from work.  I told them not to be late because I didn't want to miss the previews.  I literally NEVER wanted to miss the previews.  Long story short, they were late and showed up about 1 minute before the movie's start time.  I met them in the parking lot, bluntly said "You are late and now I will miss the previews", and maturely stormed off to my car.  I missed the entire movie and threw a temper tantrum in front of my friends because I was going to miss the previews.  That's love right there.

But today, the previews are out of hand.  It's not just previews.  I have to sit through the commercial about Coke, then a commercial about the movie theatre I'm in, then the preview for the A&E special coming this spring, then you get about 6 previews of terrible movies all of which you've already seen in television commercials.  What happened to those good old days where the only place you could see the movie previews was at the movies?

Second, the length of movies is unbelievable.  I just watched A Million Ways to Die in the West which is a comedy that is two hours and fifteen minutes long.  That is about 45 minutes too long.  I can tell you for certain that one way to die in the west is from boredom of the last 45 minutes of this movie.  I would say that most movies do not need to be longer than 2 hours.  There are some really good dramas that are acceptable when the go over the two hour mark.  But a comedy should never, ever, ever be longer than 1 hour and 45 minutes.  It's just not necessary.  Directors - I'll mail you a pin to pop your ego balloons.  No one wants to watch a bloated movie of crap that could easily have been left on the editing room floor.

Third, the price of movies is most definitely prohibitive.  Every single time I go into my movie theatre it seems as if the price has risen.  And they certainly aren't doing anything to improve the theatre, so I'm not sure where that money is going.  For two people to go to the movies and get popcorn and a soda you are paying the price of a nice dinner out.  I'd say one way that the theaters can really cut back is the size of the refreshments.  If anyone is drinking that much soda in three hours they should be bitch slapped.  

I used to love going to the movies, but now it seems like so much work.

How the Media Was Dumb

I went through a long period of my life where I did not watch the news or read the newspaper.  I was embarrassingly uninformed.  When I started to get interested in the news again, my main source was from the internet.  I would scan my local newspapers and read the articles that were of interest to me.  I can say that I probably had not watched the news for a good 5 years. 

As I began my maternity leave, I started to watch a lot of television.  And finally I was home and awake in the mornings, so I wanted to start my day off with a dose of what is happening in the world.  I tuned into the morning news show that I grew up watching, Good Morning America.  If you asked me in one word to describe that news program today it would be: dogshit.

I tried out every morning news program and they were all the same.  They were chock full of stupid, insipid, candy-ass content and for maybe 30 seconds they'd tell us about some fighting going on in the Middle East.  There was not one ounce of quality news reporting going on in those morning programs.  Watching those shows really got me thinking about the dumbing down of American media.

Then a few weeks ago, I listened to a wonderful program on NPR's The Diane Rehm Show.  The program was titled Judging the Credibility of News in the Digital Age.  It's definitely worth a listen if you have the time.  The takeaway from the program was that we really need to be careful about where we are getting our news from and whether it is accurate reporting.  Because today we can get "news" from anywhere, but we don't necessarily know the value of that news.  Was it fact-checked?  Who are the sources?  Was the story typed out by a unicorn in Westeros?  In the digital age, we can never be sure.

One of the most fascinating statements made on a show was by a journalist who was providing commentary.  She stated that in the last few years her most fact-checked story was a story that she wrote for O Magazine.  Do you get your hard, important news from O Magazine?  The journalist said this was a stark contrast from years prior when journalists had to back-up everything in painful detail.  But, now, in the digital age, we don't always have that luxury.  People can upload a photo to Twitter or Instagram in a second and *BOOM* it goes viral and they have scooped the  newspapers.  But no one fact checks that shit.  No one.

I've been thinking more and more about this in light of the story out of Ferguson, Missouri.  At work, during a criminal jury trial, one of the questions that is always asked of the jurors is: Have you had experiences with the police that make you unable to fairly weigh the testimony of a police officer?  In other words, do you hate the police because of a past experience or love them because of a past experience.  What we are looking for is a neutral juror.  A juror who can hear the testimony of a police officer and judge the credibility without allowing their past experiences to cloud their judgment. 

I would say the media is not a neutral juror when it comes to the police.  I would say the media loves to tell us shocking stories.  And it's more shocking to be stating that "police shoot unarmed man" than it is to say "we don't have all of the facts and are going to reserve judgment at this time." 

I miss those days in the media when we could really rely on what we were reading and seeing.  I miss hearing sweet Peter Jenning's voice tell me about what is going on in the world.  That might be less about the state of the media today and more about how much I loved Peter Jennings.  Ultimately I just miss having good news programs to keep me informed about the world and my community.

The Luxury of Sky Clubs

One of the absolute worst parts of traveling is airport food.  When I'm excited and stressed about getting to the airport for a trip, the last thing I'm thinking about is food.  I often get all checked-in for a flight and realize that I'm starving.  Then I spend $15 for a bagel and diet coke only to realize when I get to my flight gate that they forgot to give me cream cheese.  I end up eating a dry bagel that tastes like it was made four days prior.

One of my bestest gal pals' mother works for Delta.  Every now and again I have been able to get passes for Delta's luxurious Sky Club and it has been such a treat.  Delta's Sky Club is somewhat pricey for a year membership, $700 for a joint one-year pass.  I don't travel near enough to justify the cost of a year membership.  They do, however, offer day passes at $50/per pass.  I'm not sure that I would get a day pass for a domestic flight, but if I was traveling international, $50 is worth it. 

For me, the best part about the Sky Club is being able to carve out your own little space while waiting for your flight.  The Club has a lot of tables, small couches, and other seating that is quiet, somewhat private, and most importantly close to an electronic outlet to charge your phone, kindle, ipad, etc.  This is KEY at an airport.  I will sit four gates away from where my flight is taking off just to get a seat close to an outlet. 

The second best part about the Sky Club is the unlimited and free access to food and beverages.  When Mike and I went on our honeymoon last fall, we had to be at the airport at 4:30 A.M.  TERRIBLE!  We had Sky Club passes and an hour to wait before our flight.  We were able to nab breakfast, some snacks for the flight, and Diet Coke.  There is no shame in a Diet Coke at 5:00 A.M.

As you can see from the picture, I was able to get a bagel (with cream cheese), a mini muffin and a small scone.  I also grabbed a couple of pieces of fruit and had 2 (okay, maybe 3) glasses of the good stuff.  The Club also offered many types of cereal, yogurt, granola, hot breakfast sandwiches, and other pastries.  It got our morning off to the best start and made us feel relaxed and prepared for our flight. 

It used to be that you could serve your own drinks, but now you have to ask a server behind the bar to pour you something.  I really preferred the self-serve soda machines.  Back in the day, (i.e. a few years ago) you could actually pour yourself an ice cold beer and get good and liquored up for FREE.  I think you could also just grab mini bottles of alcohol and wine.  I may have heard a story about a group of guys filling up Nalgene bottles of Heineken before a flight to Las Vegas all while wearing leisure suits and large sunglasses.  Boys!

All in all, the Sky Club makes flying feel like it did in the golden age.  Fancy and customer-oriented are things you no longer find in the flying experience, but it's nice to indulge in them every now and again.  

Frugality

I am not a cheap person.  I like to indulge, oh boy, can I indulge.  My love for indulging has forced me to realize that if I want to indulge, I have to be frugal.  One of the top lessons I have learned as an adult is that I have to prioritize my expenses.  Would I rather have a new Louis Vuitton purse or go on a second vacation in a year?  Would I rather have a new fence installed in my backyard or go out to a grand dinner at a new hotspot?  You know you are an old person when your answer is: Fence!!  I want the fence!

Here are some of my favorite lessons on how to be frugal without being a cheap ass:

1.  Energy Saving = Money Saving.  Duh, right.  I remember when I was in elementary school they did this whole "energy awareness" thing where they  handed out books about a girl whose parents got mad at her because she always left lights on and left the water running when she was brushing her teeth.  What a bitch!  Now that I pay my own energy bills, I have converted all of my lights to CFL bulbs and try to keep lights off as much as possible.  Candlelight is so much more soothing.  I also turn the heat and air conditioning temps down (or up) at night and during the day while we are gone.  Right now, our heat goes down to 62 degrees at night and during the day and up to 68 degrees when we are at home in the evening and on weekends.  During the winter, this saves us about $50 per month.  Another thing that I try to do is unplug appliances when not in use.  This is one of those things that I often forget about, but apparently it can make a difference in your energy bill.  I've never noticed a huge difference when I've done this, though.

2. Desk lunch.  Bringing a lunch to work can be a real drag.  Sometimes I just don't feel like packing anything up and other days I just don't want to eat anything that we have in the house.  When I started wedding planning, I knew that I had to save money somehow and I resolved to only go out for lunch once a week.  I've stuck to this for at least a year and have to say that I can see the difference in my savings account.  It's still a struggle some days.  Eating at your desk can be lonely.  I live for that one day when I get to go to a restaurant and socialize.

3. Credit Card Rewards.  There are lots of credit card rewards programs that offer shoppers little incentives.  My credit card allows you to earn points towards travel vouchers or restaurant/clothing store/gas station gift certificates.  There are the famous airline credit cards for frequent fliers.  My husband's credit card has an amazing reward that for every $2500 you spend and pay off you get a $25 gift card.  We usually use these gift cards on our grocery bills and the combination of those gift cards and our wedding gift cards, we have paid maybe $20/week for groceries for the past three months.  It's definitely worth investigating all of the different reward programs to see if one will work for you.

4.  Pre-gift buying.  I start thinking about gift-giving way in advance of the celebration day.  For Christmas, I keep a list of people I need to buy for and ideas.  I usually start looking at this list in September and try to have ideas for everyone by October 1.  That way I can try to find the items on sale or take advantage of coupons.  I usually can get really great gifts on a limited budget.  I also utilize websites such as Rue La La and Groupon to stock up on gifts for birthdays or other occasions.  Having a stockpile of fun gifts for people makes my life a lot easier.

5.  Ebates.  If you don't use ebates, you are selling yourself short.  Har har.  Seriously, though, ebates is amazing.  Go to ebates.com and sign up if you don't have an account with them.  There are hundreds of retail websites that use ebates and they each have a different percentage off.  So, if I want to buy something at JCrew, I got to ebates first, search for JCrew and go to the JCrew website through the ebates site.  Currently the JCrew website gets 3.0% cash back.  After you make your purchase, your ebates account is credited.  Every four months, a check is sent to your home with the total of your cash back.  After Christmas this year, I received $85 cash back because I did all of my shopping online.  It really pays off, as long as you don't forget to go to the ebates website first before you start your online shopping.  I have forgotten this dozens of times!

6.  Track your spending.  I don't really budget, but I have a set dollar amount that I want to save each month.  I then track every penny spent on a spreadsheet so that I can make sure I can save my goal.  For me, this makes me think about each purchase that I make.  Before I splurge on something, or even before I buy a $10 frame at Target, I have to stop and think about whether I really want it or whether I'd rather see an extra $10 saved that month. 

7.  Big box stores.  When Mike and I moved in together, we talked about getting a Sam's Club membership.  One of the big arguments against it was that why do two people need to buy things in bulk?  Eventually we got a membership and it has saved us a lot of money.  We buy all of our cleaning supplies, household necessities and more packaged foods (like oatmeal, granola bars, nuts, spices) at Sam's.  They are ridiculously cheaper than at other stores.  Plus, it saves me from a lot of extra trips to Target.  I used to have to go to Target at least once a week for some household item, now I go to Sam's maybe once a month. 

8.  Spare change.  Mike and I have a central spot where we dump our spare change.  It's a big tupperware bowl in our spare bedroom.  Once that sucker gets full we take it to the bank and cash it in.  Usually it's about $70+ and we maybe take it to the bank twice a year.  What we've done in the past is take it in right before we go on a vacation and use it as spending money. 

Those are my (not so) original ways that I save my pennies.  The only thing I love more than watching my bank account grow is a chocolate frosted donut.

Winter Pucker

I am really hating dry, winter skin right now.  My legs, arms, nails, fingers, lips and hair feels brittle and rough.  I've mostly been noticing it in my lips and nail beds.  I have a dream product that I swear by to alleviate dry skin.  Allow me to introduce Smith's Rosebud Salve.  Does anyone use this gem?

A little back story on dry lips.  When I was a kid, I hated using chap stick and so my lips would become horribly dry and cracked.  My mom would often wait until I had fallen asleep and then carefully rub Vaseline or Carmex on my lips.  I would wake up so upset because I hated the smell and the feeling of Vaseline/Carmex.  I'm not sure why I hated smooth lips. 

When I got into high school, I would get really embarrassed when my lips would be so dry and cracked, so I started carrying around Lip Smackers wherever I went.  Seriously, I thought Lip Smackers were chap stick.  My favorite flavor was pink lemonade.  Once I realized that Lip Smackers did very little to heal chapped lips, I started using the Bath and Body Works chap stick.  It was probably only marginally better, but it felt good and smelled even better.

I'm not sure when, but at some point I read an article about Anne Hathaway's favorite beauty products and she mentioned Smith's Rosebud Salve for amazingly smooth lips.  I decided to try it out.  My life changed.

I always carry at least two tins of the salve on my person at ALL TIMES.  Why two, you ask?  Well, there have been times when one of the tins has been taken out at work and left there or in the opposite taken out at home and left there and if I keep at least two in my bag, then I'm always guaranteed to have one when I'm out and about. 

This stuff is the best.  If my lips are feeling the slightest bit chapped, I put a little of this on and within minutes everything is smooth and hydrated for hours.  During the driest parts of the year, I re-apply maybe once every few hours.  It always leaves my lips feeling soft and well-cared for.  It also smells faintly flowery and gives a little pinkish tint to your lips.  Nothing overpowering, just a little subtle something.

As if that wasn't enough, the salve can be applied to any area of your body affected by dry skin.  I've found that it works especially well on dry cuticle beds, hang nails and paper cuts.  When my nails are at their best, it is because I have been applying this salve to my nail beds once or twice a day.  Sometimes, if I'm in a dry-hand jam (does that sound dirty to anyone?), and don't have any lotion (okay, yes, it sounds dirty), I apply this to the affected area and it works okay.  Not as good as lotion, though.  The tin also says that it works for diaper rash.

One major downside is that if you are outside in the heat, the salve will melt in the tins and become a gooey mess.  This is why I also love the little tube for the summer.  No muss, no fuss.  Although, I don't like the quality of the salve in the tube as much as in the tins.  In the tube, you tend to get too much on your lips at one time.

Have I sold you on my favorite winter savior?

Olympic Dreams

I am Olympic obsessed.  Like, staying up way too late every night so that I'm crabby and irritable the entire next day obsessed.  I've always loved watching the Olympic games and I think one of the reasons why I'm so obsessed now is the nostalgia.  I have specific memories of past Olympic games.  I remember watching the Atlanta games gymnastics in the living room with my mom, I also remember being so excited to find out who won the women's figure skating in Nagano that I asked to use the bathroom pass during a high school class and snuck to the library to use their internet.  This was back in the dial up days where it would take FOREVER to download a webpage.  BTW, it was Tara Lipinski who beat out Michelle Kwan.

I know a lot of people dream of winning Olympic gold, but I've always dreamed of winning Olympic silver.  I aim high, folks.

I just have always thought that the silver medal is much prettier than all of the other medals and on the podium it really stands out.  The gold and the bronze medal look so similar that you can barely tell them apart from afar.  Plus, I prefer silver jewelry and if I were ever to win an Olympic medal, I'd totally be wearing it as a necklace everyday.  So, silver wins.

This philosophy of mine is one of the reasons I could never be an Olympian.  I have no competitive spirit.  None.  Zero.  Zilch.  You want to be better than me at something?  I will actually step aside and allow it because silver medals really aren't that bad.

When I was a young girl, I played on our city softball league and I was actually decent.  I could hit better than most of the girls in the league and I was an alright catcher.  However, I really didn't enjoy the defensive side of the game and so when I wasn't playing catcher, I was usually put in right field.  Ten-year-old girls aren't very good at hitting into the outfield and, even if they did, the ball almost never makes it to right field.  So, I would drive my parents crazy by spending my right field days picking dandelions and dancing.  I really didn't care about keeping my head in the game, I just wanted to have fun.

This attitude further hindered me in law school where everyone was so focused on getting A's that they would give up every morsel of their spare time to do it.  Other students would spend hours going and talking to professors to get hints at what would be on the final.  They would also play a grand social game which included at least weekly happy hours, joining student clubs and hobnobbing with their mentor attorney.  The ones who were the best at it often times were rewarded with great jobs.  Then there was me.  I did well in law school classes receiving a few A's and A-'s, a lot of B+'s and a few B's and B-'s.  I also worked through the majority of law school both at law firms, legal editing companies and retail stores.  However, while others were spending their time out at social functions, I was at home studying and watching Friends. 

But, I'm happy.  So, that's the silver lining.

Let's Get Real, Housewives

I love The Real Housewives shows.  It's not even a guilty pleasure because I feel no shame.  I think the show provides an insightful look into the psyches of really crazy people with a lot of money. I actually view it as sociological studies.  Years from now, I guarantee clips from The Real Housewives will be shown as a reflection on our society.  Sad, right.

Anyhow, the RHONJ (Jersey Housewives for those not up with the housewife lingo) just came back on Bravo and they have upped the ante on drama.  Does anyone else who watches RHONJ feel a little bit strange about this drama, though?  Because it's between families?

The history is this, Teresa was a cast member of RHONJ since its inception and arguably the most famous cast member from Jersey.  Last season, Bravo added Teresa's sister-in-law, Melissa, and her cousin, Kathy, to the cast.  Bold move Bravo.  This addition has basically broken up the family, leaving Teresa and Melissa not speaking to each other.  And the rest of RHONJ's cast members are very Team Melissa.  Everyone is ragging on Teresa about how manipulative and famewhorey she is.

You guys, I'm not pickinig sides, but I'm totally calling bullshit on this gang up on Teresa thing.  Teresa may be a terrible human being and I have no doubt that she's creating rumors and gossip about all of the other cast members behind their backs and then "acting" all dumb like she wasn't the one who started it.  However, if these were ancient times and we were still stoning people, none of the ladies on the NJ cast would even be able to pick up a stone.  Hello...you are all gossiping behind each other's backs.  What do you think you are doing in those confessionals?  Airing your grievances with each other and talking smack about your other cast members, right?  Teresa may be the worst shit talker, but I don't think that any of these women can claim that they don't do the same thing to a lesser degree.   

Additionally, people really want to make it seem like Melissa is this innocent angel who would never in a million years steal her sister-in-law's thunder.  But, let's really analyze this situation.  Teresa was on RHONJ first and in the middle of the first couple of season's, Teresa's husband was embroiled in a bitter lawsuit and they had to file bankruptcy.  So, for Teresa, RHONJ was her family's cash cow.  And she milked it in a major way.  By selling cookbooks, making appearances and upping the drama on the show, she ensured that her children's sparkly jumpsuits were paid for. 

Then, Melissa decides that she would like a slice of that pie and joined the show.  Teresa and her husband are broke as a joke and Melissa and her husband are swimming in money and Melissa decides to jump on the bandwagon of the only good thing that her sister-in-law has going on and you don't think that's being a bit bitchy?  Imagine if this wasn't television and you were married and going through a tough financial time and decided to sell something like Mary Kay on the side.  And you were doing really good at it, hosting tons of parties for your friends and really starting to build your business and then your sister-in-law, who isn't having money troubles, is all like "Hey, that looks fun!  I'm going to start that too!" and then is booking clients and parties that you would have booked had your sister-in-law not started selling Mary Kay.  You'd be pissed.

The best is that Melissa rags on Teresa for her cookbooks talking about how she can't cook and it's just a way for her to make money and become famous.  Then Melissa goes down into her home recording studio and starts belting out the most awful sounds you can imagine saying that she's a singer.  Right, Melissa, because you can sing like Teresa can cook. 

All I'm saying is that Melissa did not join RHONJ to try to bond with Teresa.  I think Melissa was jealous and now she is smug because she took away Teresa's friends and has sullied her name to America.  So, Melissa, you can put that stone back into the gravel pit because you aren't doing any stoning today.  Thank you Jesus.

Clearly, I am a little too involved in the housewives, I can't help it, I find them fascinating.  Anyhow, I am not defending one side or the other here.  Merely stating that I don't think there is one bad person here.  In any Housewives fight, I find that there are multiple bad people all doing bad things and all pretending like they aren't doing them.  And these people, my friends, are all making more money than we are.

Me On: Skincare

I was just with some girlfriends and we were talking about skincare. More specifically, we were talking about how our skincare needs are changing now that we are in our 30's. I've been noticing that my skin isn't quite as smooth as it once was and also that the skin around my eyes is showing its age. Ruh-roh. I think I need to look for some eye products before I start looking like an old grandma.

I am really into skincare. I've tried multiple products over the years and these are my favorites:



When I went through puberty, I had horrible skin. I used all of these awful products prescribed to me by a dermatologist and nothing worked. The Retin-A was the worst. It left my skin with this weird, filmy feeling and caused my skin to burn so badly even while wearing the highest level of SPF known to man. A classmate of mine had the most perfect skin, so I asked her what she used and she told me Clinique. I wash my face every night with the soap bar and then detoxify with the toner. I love the feeling that my skin has after I'm done washing it. It feels soft, clean and cool.

During the summer, I use the toner multiply times during the day whenever my skin starts feeling icky and oily.

I use Fresh's Umbrian Clay Face Treatment as needed. Usually that's once a month during the winter and once a week when the weather is humid. This clay mask is the best thing that has ever happened to me. You put this goopy clay on, leave it for 5 minutes and you can see it seeping into your pores. Then I wash it off with warm water and my skin instantly feels rejuvenated. It also clears away blemishes. If I start to feel a blemish forming, I use this mask and it never comes to surface. It's amazing!

The last product that I use is toothpaste. You heard that right, toothpaste. When I was a teenager, I read somewhere that toothpaste will zap a zit overnight. It sounded too good to be true, but it's totally true. Any zit that I feel starting to form, I first dab with extra Clinique toner, then dab a tiny bit of the umbrian clay mask and then glob on toothpaste. When I wake up in the morning the zit is always gone. Only once has the toothpaste failed me and I think it's because I waited too long to apply it.

My routine is really simple, but effective. Now, I need to find some old lady eye cream to add to the mix. Anyone have suggestions?

Me On: Rihanna

Is anyone else tired of Rihanna? Every time one of her songs comes on the radio, Mike immediately turns it. He said he's sick of her voice. And I can't disagree. I loved Umbrella, danced to Disturbia and was obsessed with the song she did with Eminem. But, somewhere around the time of the song "S&M" I had enough. Rihanna, we get it, you are a very sexual person who lives life on the edge. Maybe you could go live that life out of the public view for awhile so that you can become relevant again. Because right now, you are so not relevant.

Except, here she is today in the tabloids and I'm kind of annoyed. Annoyed and disgusted. So, remember a few years ago when she was dating that assclown who then hit her right before some big music awards show where apparently the physical damage he caused her was so great that she couldn't appear at the show because of the bruising. Then that assclown had to sort of slink away from the scene for awhile because people didn't like him for hitting Rihanna. I can totally live with that.

A couple of weeks ago were the Grammys, and there was Rihanna performing her billionth song. Barf. Who also happened to be performing at the Grammys? The assclown. And his performance was a dance performance. He wasn't singing, but man can he dance. The best part is that he wasn't even trying to sing. There were words being sung, but it's hard to convince me that you're singing when your lips aren't moving. Ashlee Simpson taught me that. Anyways, it was confusing because the Grammys are all about singing, right? Then I guess the assclown went on to actually win Grammys (I didn't see this because the Grammys SUCKED so hard that I turned them off) and a lot of people were mad! Did we forget the past? Shouldn't we still be shunning him?

Now today we learn that Rihanna has recently collaborated on songs with the assclown. Seriously? Too soon Rihanna! I'm not going to get all judgy and preachy about this, but come on. Before today, I thought she was getting a little annoying, but now she's annoying, kind of dumb and really desperate. I think Rihanna needs to take an evening to watch the classic movie "What About Bob?" so that she can learn the value in taking a vacation. "Don't Hassle Me I'm Local!"

When in Vegas, Do as Parisians Do

When I go to Vegas, I believe that the best hotel to stay at is the Paris hotel. It's that gleaming beauty in the background of the above photo, complete with a replica of the Eiffel Tower. There are several reasons why I love the hotel. First and foremost, it's centrally located, so you can walk almost anywhere on the main strip. This is a big thing as cab rides to go one block can take a long time and cost around $20 plus a tip. This adds up. Plus, it's nice not to be at the mercy of a cabbie.

The next reason that I love the Paris hotel are the rooms. They aren't the flashiest rooms around, but they are very spacious and there's a lot of closet space. Plus, the bathroom is HUGE! I know this picture doesn't really show the size of it, but the shower was huge, the sink vanity was huge and they had an overly large tub. I used the tub every day that I was there. There's nothing I love more than a huge tub to soak in.

Then there's the casino. Too many casinos are all dark doom and gloom, but the Paris casino is light and airy. It's supposed to be reminiscent of Parisian streets during the day. Every time I walk into the casino area, I feel like I can hear the birds chirping and feel the sun shining. It makes me want to gamble!

Another awesome reason to stay at the Paris hotel (or at the very least visit it next time you are in Vegas) is the food. The Paris hotel has the best buffet. The thing is massive, so you need to bring your appetite. We ate there twice, once for "dinner" and once for breakfast. The breakfast buffet was the best, there was an omelet station, croissants and other pastries, french toast, fresh fruit, tons of meats, crepes. The dinner buffet is also loaded with goodies like pasta, crepes, salads and soups, chicken, seafood dishes and bread.

One hint for the buffet is to go a little bit before it opens for dinner. Technically you will only have to pay the "lunch" price, but if you wait at your table until dinner time rolls around, you will be able to partake in the all-you-can-eat crab legs, shrimp and prime rib for the lunch price. They also have a pretty good deal for all-you-can-drink wine and beer.

The Paris hotel also has a crepe stand.

Here's a ham and cheese and classic Nutella crepe. We only ate here once and looking at this picture, I'm wondering why? For other options, they have a bistro called Mon Ami Gabi, which has sidewalk seating overlooking the Bellagio hotel, so you can watch the dancing fountains while eating, they have a new place called The Sugar Factory and a fancy-pants restaurant called The Eiffel Tower Restaurant where you have to take an elevator to get to the restaurant and it also overlooks the dancing fountains. Tres chic!

The number one reason to stay at the Paris hotel, though, is that it's right across the street from the famed Bellagio, so it's an easy walk to get to my two favorite Vegas attractions: the dancing fountains and The "O" Show (Cirque du Soleil). I could watch the fountains for hours at a time.

A few years back, my friend Ro and I went out to Vegas and stayed at the Paris. When we checked-in, I politely asked the concierge if we could get a room overlooking the Bellagio? She said that it cost something like $50 extra a night. We decided against it. She gave us our room keys and sent us on our way. When we got to our room, I gallantly swiped my key and walked inside...SOMEONE ELSE'S HOTEL ROOM!!! Yes, the television was on, the bathroom was filled with empty booze bottles and dirty ashtrays and there were open suitcases on the unmade beds. I was horrified. Luckily there was no one actually in the room. Ro and I went back down to the lobby and I found the same concierge and explained what happened. She didn't seem that concerned about it, but asked me to wait a moment while she talked to her manager. When she came back, she said nothing, just handed us our room keys. When we went to our second room, we were delighted to find ourselves upgraded to a room overlooking the Bellagio. There was one night where we watched the fountains for three hours straight right from our room. Magical!

So, if you are ever finding yourself booking a Vegas vacation, consider the Paris. It's a little bit more expensive, but I think it's worth it in the end. Definitely don't forget about their buffet. I'm drooling right now thinking about their buffet!

Me On: Training A Puppy

A few months ago, Michael and I got a puppy. I knew a little bit about training a puppy and still felt under prepared for the task we took on. I'm hoping these tips will help anyone out there thinking about purchasing an adorable little rascal like the one above.

• Research the breed. You might want to do this before, especially if you have specific things you want or things you don't want. I don't think you have to, though. I do think researching the breed after you get the little pup is important so that you can have a better understanding of what their strengths and weaknesses are and also what kind of care they need.


• Puppy proof an isolation area. We didn't do this right away. When we were gone, Kirby was in his kennel, but when we were home, Kirby was roaming free. Purchasing a baby gate and giving Kirby an isolation area saved us. You see, puppies, much like babies, act up when they are overly tired. When their behavior gets so bad that you can't stand it anymore, put them in the isolation, put up the baby gate, grab a stiff drink and ignore them.


• Establish a schedule. The minute Kirby stepped foot in our house, he was on a schedule. I think this helps the puppies get some structure to their day so they know when to nap, when to poop, when to play, when to eat.


• Sign up for a training class. I can honestly say that I don't know what I would have done without Kirby's training classes. And I kind of knew how to train him. The best part about the training classes are that they really tire the dog out, so you get this awesome hour of training and then you get a sleeping dog.


• Work on training everyday. This might sound like overkill, but once we started the training classes, we did at least two 15-minute training sessions at home everyday. Anytime Kirby would start really acting up, we would go get a handful of his kibble and do some training. After doing this for a few weeks, we were able to do less training, but in the first few weeks of having him at home, the training worked to both teach the dog that he had to do what we told him and also gave us some peace of mind that the dog could actually be trained.


• Make your own dog toys. Dog toys are expensive and a lot of dogs can chew through them quickly. A friend had gotten a puppy a few weeks before we got Kirby and she told me about several different DIY dog toys. It was a real money saver and Kirby liked the homemade toys better than the store bought ones. For us, the best was the empty plastic water bottle. Although we had to put the bottle in a sock because Kirby is terrified of plastic. That's not a joke. He is terrified of plastic items.


• Take time away from the dog. I have a hard time with this one. But, I remind myself that dogs don't need constant attention and toilets won't clean themselves. I have a lot of guilt that I work during the day and Kirby has to be alone that whole time. I often tried to overcompensate by never putting him in isolation when we were home. That only left me tired and frustrated. It's always healthy to take some time away from the dog. They honestly won't remember it. They are noodle heads.

Kirby has been so much fun and so frustrating at the same time. The other night I had gotten really mad at him for nipping me too hard when we were playing. I put him in isolation. When I let him and went back to sit on the couch, Kirby jumped up next to me and laid down with his head in my lap and fell asleep cuddled against me. He's sweet like that and it melts away all of his annoying little habits.

Me On: Bravo TV

Last week I did something that I rarely do, which is force Mike to watch something on television. It was the Real Housewives of NYC. Look, I am not super proud that I am totally obsessed with Bravo, but that doesn't change the bare fact that I am super obsessed. You cannot look away. Or, at least, I can't. It's definitely television crack. I'm going to breakdown my favorite shows for you.

• Real Housewives Franchise: The NYC one is probably my favorite, although last week's premiere seemed much more obnoxious than normal. And not funny obnoxious, but just obnoxious. I get it, you guys have expensive shoes, but do we really need to keep talking about them? Then there's the newer Beverly Hills one. It was definitely one of the better casts. I found them to be interesting and you cannot beat the whole Camille thing. The New Jersey housewives are a personal fave mostly because of the ridiculousness of their so-called wealth and the fights. You cannot beat the fights. Sing it with me Countess, "Money Can't Buy You Class." I will occasionally watch the Orange County show, but mostly it's to laugh about how dumb they are. I have never seen an episode of the Atlanta show, small snippets here and there, but I find that one to be the absolute worst of the bunch. The new Miami show was alright, but it was a little bit too "we are supposed to be fighting, right?" for me. Just read that they cancelled the DC show, which is a shame because that first season was television gold. Apparently no one watched it.


• NYC Prep: This was possibly the best of the absolute worst people I have ever seen. There is nothing more ridiculous than entitled, snotty and completely clueless rich kids. My favorite character was Jessie (if you didn't see it, you will have no idea what I'm talking about, but trust that she was awesome). Jessie was not attractive, but thought her shit didn't stink and would walk around like Miss Bossy Boots who knows so much at eighteen. It was really awesome to watch. These kids literally had no clue about the world, but thought that they ran it. A quick perusal of wikipedia told me that in the NYC Prep scene, the schools that these kids went to were pretty low on the scale.


• Kell on Earth: I want Kelly Cutrone to make me cry so badly. I mean she can be brutally mean. I love when they have an intern who is all "I want to work in fashion", but they don't really want to work and she makes them pay. Brilliant! This show makes me want to work in a job where I need two cell phones and my email inbox is always full and I always have people to call. But I'm like those interns who would be fired in a few days, I don't really want to do the work, I just want to have the lifestyle.


• The Rachel Zoe Project: Does anyone else watch this and think "For how stressed they are all of the time, it doesn't seem like they do much work?" And honestly, how can everything go down to the last minute? What I find fascinating about this show is seeing how things go from the stylist to the photo shoot or red carpet in minutes. The other awesome thing is Roger (or is it Rodger?) I live for Roger totally not caring and then flipping his glorious hair like he totally cares.

So, these are my faves. I watch the repeats, I save them on my Tivo, I'm constantly bummed when comcast on demand doesn't have them. I know it's probably the worst television ever created, but this is my one thing. I don't read glossy mags, I don't look at gossip websites, I don't watch much reality television (or much television at all). This is my one guilty and embarrassing pleasure. And I absolutely relish it. Judge me, I know you want to.

Me On: Online Shopping

It is 2011. Check the calendars, this is actually correct. So, why is it that online ordering still causes me to tear my hair out? Do the retailers not know it's 2011.

Online ordering makes life so much easier. I almost never go shopping anymore. I've never actually loved it that much. I don't like crowds, I don't like searching and I always fall victim to marketing when I'm in an actual store. Online shopping allows me to easily find what I'm looking for and have it sent directly to my house. No muss, no fuss. Har har. Usually there's a fuss and I don't get it.

If you are a small retailer, I can understand why you don't have the best website for online ordering. It must be a hassle to set it up and monitor it and I'm sure it's hella expensive. But...Macy's....there's no excuse.

Let me tell you about the worst and best sites for online shopping. Best would have to be Banana Republic. I order from them a lot, I always get a discount because they are always running a promotion online, I can almost always find the sizes that I need, I always get free shipping, the items have never gotten lost, my order has never been screwed up and if I need to return something it's very simple. I can't rave enough about their online store.

Honorable mention goes to Crate and Barrel. I order lots of wedding, Christmas and birthday gifts through Crate and Barrel and never have problems. Second honorable mention to Sephora. Always am ordering through them, never with the problems.

Now, let's skewer the worst. First is Macy's. What the hell is their problem? Macy's is a huge corporation and their online ordering is the shits (to put it mildly). Many times I have been ordering wedding gifts online from them and have closed up shop in the middle of the order because it's so frustrating and I know something will be screwed up. Just today I was ordering a wedding gift through them and their site kept telling me that the order would be delayed because one or more of the items was on backorder and that I needed to click the accept changes button to continue with the order. Only problem was that all of the items said they were in stock and there was no "accept changes" button. I actually had to close out of the website and start over.

Next is ticketmaster and stubhub. I hate how you have to purchase the tickets at warp speed because someone else always seems to buy the tickets you are looking for right when you are looking. Curious. I think it's a scam to get you to pay more. Plus, it's always so difficult to find what you are looking for and often the website doesn't load properly. This is a huge fail!

Next, we'll go with any airline website for the same reason as above. Really, the airlines just increased the prices of the tickets within the last five minutes? Bastards.

Anyone else have horror stories about online shopping?

P.S. For those of you who don't know about ebates...shame on you. I don't plug much, but ebates is often if you online shop a lot. Just don't forget to tell them that I referred you.

Me On: Vending Machines

Is anyone else as appalled as I am about the prices of vending machine goodies recently? Because I am hot and steaming mad about this issue.

At work there is only 1 place where you can get snacks from a vending machine. I work in a building with 18 floors and they only have one vending machine area. Horror!

What makes this situation even worse is that they have allowed a complete scheister to control the vending machines and he has jacked up the prices to such levels that I won't even consider buying a bag of Pretzel M&M's from him.

Here's the story. Back when I first started, bottles of soda were a very reasonable $1.00 and candy and chips were at .60 cents. Perfectly adequate. Then the vending machine troll upped the soda to $1.25 and the candy and chips to around .75 cents. Still, though, this was fine. He put up a sign that blamed it on the economy.

A few months went by and another sign went up...further blaming the economy. So, now soda is $1.50 and candy is .80 cents. I'm getting annoyed. His prices were pretty much in line with other vending machines, but it was like Dude, how has the economy gotten that much worse in the last 3 months that you have to raise the prices again. Also, he has no teeth, which makes me suspicious about all things with this vending machine guy.

I persisted in my bottled soda addiction, though. At $1.50 I wasn't going to stop drinking an at least daily soda. In addition, there was a period of time where the soda machine was broken causing it to drop two sodas with one purchase. So, I felt like his price increase was a wash for me since I was getting some free stuff.

After a few months of this new price increase, the toothless vending machine troll did the unthinkable and put up another sign. Yes...ANOTHER SIGN. Again blaming it on the economy. Soda was now $1.75 and candy and chips were $1.00. WTF?! I cannot believe that this vending machine guy is paying anywhere near $1.00 for a Snickers bar in bulk. I know for a fact that I can get them for about .30 cents a bar at Sam's Club.

This price increase, however, seems across the board in the vending machine world. But, honestly, $1.00 is really too much to pay for a candy bar. So, I've boycotted all things vending machine (except yesterday when I really needed a 3 Musketeer bar to help me write an order). No shady toothless troll is going to screw me that badly just so I can have a soda.

Me On: Eat, Pray, Love

This is not a book review. The main reason is because I've never read the book. Never have and never will. Eat, Pray, Love is not my thing. I won't mince words with you, my faithful blog readers, I think everything about Eat, Pray, Love is obnoxious.

I realize it's grossly unfair to characterize something as obnoxious when I haven't even read it. What can I say, I'm judging a book by it's cover. Actually, I'm not, because I kind of like the cover and I kind of like the title. It sings to me. But, I've talked to people who have read it and I've read articles on it and I can conclude that this book sounds like crap.

Now there's a movie based on the book, which also looks like crap. I mean, come on, a woman goes on this awesome journey to re-discover life through eating and praying and loving. Awesome. Sounds like it's better than Under the Tuscan Sun (ed. note, I'm being sarcastic).

My biggest problem with the book is that the author was able to take this awesome year-long vacation because of an advance that she was given by her publisher. That advance was for the writing of a book based on a woman's journey to re-discover life through eating and praying and loving. So, she pitched a book before she even had the experiences and then got a year-long vacation to Italy, India and Bali completely paid for. It sounds disingenuous, no? It would be one thing if she took the journey and then wanted to write about her experiences, but to go on a journey with the intention (and the obligation) to write a book makes it all seem contrived.

I've also read excerpts and it's way too flowery and over the top for me. I guess I don't understand how you can be eating pizza and all of a sudden realize some amazing and spiritual thing about life, love and destiny. Call me when you're eating Filet Mignon dipped in gold and then we'll talk. Pizza is delicious, but it's not spiritual. Not even Neapolitan pizza.

So, Elizabeth Gilbert, I don't buy into the hype. I will never think anything of this book other than that it's obnoxious and self-righteous. Not even Oprah can sell me on this one. And as I said, now there's a movie to ignore. But ignore it I will. Not even Julia Roberts can sell this swill to me.

Me On...Lindsay Lohan

I don't really want to give this media whore the satisfaction of knowing that anyone cares. But I do have to comment on what happened yesterday. I guess Lohan was on probation, for what I have no idea. But it doesn't matter because diva that she is, she did nothing on probation and was slapped with a probation violation. Then yesterday she got 90 days in jail and 90 days inpatient. Shazam.

The reason why I'm particularly interested in this is because she deserved it. No matter what Dina Lohan says, Lindsay deserved this sentence. Here's why...

I would say that 80% of criminal cases are given probation. And about half of those completely screw it up and are violated. When these peeps screw it up, they screw it up big. As in, they do nothing that they are required to do. The real kick in the ass is that basically all these people have to do is lay low (stop committing crimes), have a chemical assessment and comply with recommendations (which usually means take a class) and keep in contact with your probation officer. Do these things and after 3-6 months your probation officer will completely forget about you and probably never look at the file for the rest of your probation.

But, the ones that screw up just don't give a flying f!@# and they don't do anything and then they come in for a violation and say that their mother's sick or they couldn't find their PO's phone number or they were too busy trying to find a job. They are all excuses.

Probation is a privilege. It's a gift you are given by the judicial system that says: show us you care and we won't throw your ass in jail. Lohan showed the judicial system exactly what she thought of them. And apparently it's not much. If you have no respect for the courts, then you should serve time.

And btw, I've heard Lohan's excuses everyday, it's the same shit that common criminals say at their own PV hearings. BTW #2, typically a first time PV gets a slap on the wrist, unless something really egregious happened. Lohan basically got a 180 day sentence on what appears to be a first time PV...you do the math.

Me On..."Nurse's Strike"

Today nurse's around Minnesota are "striking". Except, let's get real, they aren't really striking. Leaving work for one day to stand outside with picket signs does not a strike make. Take away the picket signs and it's a vacation day. I get the sentiment of it all, but I don't think it's going to accomplish a whole lot except irritating people for 24 hours. Tomorrow the nurses "strike" will be forgotten.

The real winners today are the replacement nurses who are making $2,000 for a day of work.

Jay Bird Walk

I know the correct term is jaywalking, but in my head, whenever I think of "jaywalking", I actually think the words "jaybirdwalking". Weird, right.

Whatever the term is, it's illegal. Which is also weird.

What I have noticed, however, is that the probability of seeing someone jaybirdwalking goes up about 80% in Minnesota once the weather gets cold. So, even though jaybirdwalking becomes exponentially more dangerous with high snowbanks and slippery roads, Minnesotans choose the worst of days to throw on their crusty Uggs and forge into the middle of the roads with oncoming traffic approaching from both sides.

Now, I know it's cold. And I know walking outside in the cold is a bitch in the truest sense of the word. But, Minnesotans (particularly those in the vicinity of West Seventh), I implore you to walk the extra 5 steps to the crosswalk and wait patiently for the lights. Don't jump the snowbank and don't start running like a mad fool once you see a tiny break in the traffic. These words will save your life.

Me On...Twitter

So, I've been on Twitter for awhile now, I don't really use it, I just thought I would check it out and see what the hype is about. Guys, it's amazing (and confusing). But seriously, more amazing than anything else. It's basically the world's best gossip network, except it's almost unfair gossip. I feel like there's really two types of gossip. There's the gossip that's so easy to get because the subject of the gossip is such an attention whore that they basically spread the news themselves and then there's the good gossip, the kind you just sort of stumble upon (like two co-workers making out in a usually unoccupied stairwell). I prefer the second type of gossip because I feel like it's fate giving me a reward for good behavior.

Anyhow, Twitter puts on full display for the world to see the 1st type of gossip. It's shameless and tacky, but it's such a guilty pleasure of mine.

For instance, did you know that you can find out what Miley Cyrus is doing RIGHT NOW. For realz, she tweets every 20 minutes about what she's doing. An hour ago she wrote that she woke up with a sore throat and laments that she is always sick. Boo effing hoo, go cry into your million dollar bills Miley.

Then there's the celebrity twitter catfight. I'm not even kidding. Celebrities wage wars of words over twitter and they are priceless. They are about things that so don't matter, but the celebs think that they're saving the world by getting into the fight. My fav was between Demi Moore and Perez Hilton and it had something to do with a photo of Demi's 13 year old daughter looking like a skank, so Perez called her a skank which brought down Demi's "mother wrath." Phenomenal. And again, you witness it real time.

But, the best twitter to watch is Lindsay Lohan. If you haven't seen it, you must. It's twitter.com/lindsaylohan. This girl is a trainwreck, which is obvious enough, but she keeps making it more obvious by posting what other internet peeps have referred to as "cracktweets". And they are. To make the situation even more comical is the fact that she often will tweet things to other celebs and NO ONE EVER RESPONDS! But this bitch doesn't care, she just keeps tweeting, like people are writing to her every other minute. But they're not! HA! Nothing makes you feel better than knowing that a once upon a time Hollywood megastar now can't even get a famewhore like Miley Cyrus to tweet her back.

My point is that Twitter is like a gift of gossipy goodness that keeps on giving. Loves. It.