Random Acts of Douchebaggery

Good sushi is hard to come by. So are good sushi restaurants. I'm sure there's going to be a bunch of people who are like "What?! No! This sushi place is the best." But, you would be wrong. Sushi restaurants are on my list of repeat douche offenders. Here's why...

I'm sick of sushi rolls being so large that there is no respectable way to eat them in one bite. I'm not really big into the nigiri or the sashimi, I prefer eating my raw fish with plenty of other tastes surrounding it. If I wanted to bite into raw salmon or tuna, I'd just order a piece of it. I would say 90% of sushi places go with the assumption that bigger is better and create a roll that could be used as a wheel on a children's tricycle. I'm sorry, but is Hagrid the half giant dining at your establishment? Or who is coming in here that can down that shit in one bite?

Another pet peeve is the drink situation. Wasabi and soy sauce are not good combinations for a parched mouth. That means the waitresses might have to ear their tips by at the very least refilling my water glass. You see, tips are earned peeps. Empty glasses = no dough.

And let's talk about the wait. Are actually rolling the sushi in Japan and that's why it takes over an hour to get to my table? Since I actually see the sushi chefs working at the sushi bar, I'm assuming that is in fact not the case. So, I'll just give them a little tip. The fish doesn't get fresher the longer it waits to jump into those rolls. Perhaps you could speed it up a bit.

My last complaint is about the current overuse of fish eggs. I normally don't mind them. You barely notice that it's there and the orange and green vibrancy gives the sushi a pop of color. However, I seem to notice a trend lately where the fish eggs are just piled on top of the roll. Not a good taste, not a good texture and it makes me want to puke. The only thing worse than raw fish is raw fish mixed with vomit. Just saying.

There is no sushi restaurant that I've been to that doesn't violate at least one of these things. Shape up assholes, you've been RAD'd.