Last Weekend

We are a little bit closer to the beautiful sun shininess of the above flower. It's the last weekend of the month. YAHOO! Although, personally, I find February to be the worst month to get through. So short, yet so long.

Folks, I am needing a swift kick in the ass. I have been slacking in a few things. Like reading and cleaning and packing and watching movies. This weekend I need to catch up. Before the end of this month, I need to finish a book. I feel like I'm so close on The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest and I feel like I can knock it out this weekend. So, almost end of month goal is to finish that damn book.

Happy weekend plans!

Hum Drum

What I wouldn't give to be sailing away in a warm weather destination right now. It's because I live in Minnesota and that fact combined with the winter should tell you enough. However, winter is truly a numbers game and realistically speaking, winter is losing.

Winter really only gets bad after the first week in January and usually by the Ides of March there are signs of spring. While it might not be all warm and fuzzy, at least we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. When all else fails, I always remind myself that it will be 80 degrees again.

The best thing for winter blues is staying busy. Remember that list I posted a ways back (and no, I won't link it for you because I don't know how, you'll have to search for it, lazy bastards). The one with all of the suggestions for things to do? Well, time to get busy peeps. The omnifest is closing in less than month, King Tut is coming, so is our founding father, the winter carnival has already begun and there are some really great Oscar contenders to go and see. That should take you until at least the beginning of March. Not to mention the fact that the greatest holiday in the world is next Monday...FEB'S EVE!

So, if you're feeling down about the ickiness of the season, busy yourself. I promise, the time will fly by and before you know it I will be bitching about the damn rabbits eating my beloved tulips. I know y'all can't wait for that.

Me On: Online Shopping

It is 2011. Check the calendars, this is actually correct. So, why is it that online ordering still causes me to tear my hair out? Do the retailers not know it's 2011.

Online ordering makes life so much easier. I almost never go shopping anymore. I've never actually loved it that much. I don't like crowds, I don't like searching and I always fall victim to marketing when I'm in an actual store. Online shopping allows me to easily find what I'm looking for and have it sent directly to my house. No muss, no fuss. Har har. Usually there's a fuss and I don't get it.

If you are a small retailer, I can understand why you don't have the best website for online ordering. It must be a hassle to set it up and monitor it and I'm sure it's hella expensive. But...Macy's....there's no excuse.

Let me tell you about the worst and best sites for online shopping. Best would have to be Banana Republic. I order from them a lot, I always get a discount because they are always running a promotion online, I can almost always find the sizes that I need, I always get free shipping, the items have never gotten lost, my order has never been screwed up and if I need to return something it's very simple. I can't rave enough about their online store.

Honorable mention goes to Crate and Barrel. I order lots of wedding, Christmas and birthday gifts through Crate and Barrel and never have problems. Second honorable mention to Sephora. Always am ordering through them, never with the problems.

Now, let's skewer the worst. First is Macy's. What the hell is their problem? Macy's is a huge corporation and their online ordering is the shits (to put it mildly). Many times I have been ordering wedding gifts online from them and have closed up shop in the middle of the order because it's so frustrating and I know something will be screwed up. Just today I was ordering a wedding gift through them and their site kept telling me that the order would be delayed because one or more of the items was on backorder and that I needed to click the accept changes button to continue with the order. Only problem was that all of the items said they were in stock and there was no "accept changes" button. I actually had to close out of the website and start over.

Next is ticketmaster and stubhub. I hate how you have to purchase the tickets at warp speed because someone else always seems to buy the tickets you are looking for right when you are looking. Curious. I think it's a scam to get you to pay more. Plus, it's always so difficult to find what you are looking for and often the website doesn't load properly. This is a huge fail!

Next, we'll go with any airline website for the same reason as above. Really, the airlines just increased the prices of the tickets within the last five minutes? Bastards.

Anyone else have horror stories about online shopping?

P.S. For those of you who don't know about ebates...shame on you. I don't plug much, but ebates is often if you online shop a lot. Just don't forget to tell them that I referred you.

Maelstrom

I have special love for the Norway section of Epcot Center's World Showcase. I once studied in Norway and the spirit of that country truly does prance around in my soul. I even stay for the movie at the end of the ride. That's how hard I love Norway. But, let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Maelstrom is a boat ride. It is fun and short and at times dark and scary. Plus, there are trolls around who cause all sorts of mischief. I remember when I first came to Epcot, my mom explained this ride to me as totally awesome because at one point, the boat will come out of a hole in the wall and all of the park goers can see you having fun on the ride. I was mesmerized by this part.

Although, it's not all it's cracked up to be. See the picture below. That's the boat coming out of the wall. It barely even sticks it's back end out there. In all honesty, it's a bit of a letdown.
However, I forgive it because this ride brings me back to Norway every single time. At the end of the ride there is a short film about Norway. It's really nothing but a bunch of scenes and they show a lot of the old Viking ships. Many people bypass it, but ever since I was in Norway, I just can't bring myself to do it. Plus it's another 5 minutes sitting in an air conditioned theatre.

On a side note, they used to force you to watch the movie. Once you had to disembark the boat, you had to wait until the next showing of the movie and then you had to sit there and watch it. People would get so pissed about this. It caused many cases of the grumps in me as well. A few years ago, they decided that the movie would just play continuously and people could come and go as they pleased. People mostly go.

God, I miss Norway.

5/5 or 10/10 stars. I'm totally biased. An unbiased view would probably be 4/5 or 8/10 stars. The ride is short and sometimes the wait can be long. But it's cute and fun.

I Am Annoyed

Folks, I am cold and grumpy. Sounds like it's time for a bulleted list of things I don't understand.

• How could The Social Network win for best picture? The movie was not bad, it just wasn't as good as the other movies. Not nearly as good. I am angry about this.
• Heat at work. They have stopped using it. It makes dressing in professional clothes extremely difficult. It also makes me look like I've gained 10 pounds because of the amount of layers I am wearing.
• Snow. Not only does the state not know how to plow anymore, but the snow always seems to fall the most when I have plans in Minneapolis. Please snow, I'm begging you, allow me to have a social life!
• Restaurants. Once again, I've been having horrendous service in restaurants. Last Friday, I went to Ichiban. I needed a drink, it was one of those days. I found some champagne cocktail and when the waitress came around to the table, ordered it. Then everyone else's drinks came except mine. The waitress came back a couple of times, but never to our section of the teppanyaki table, so I couldn't ask about it. When she finally did, I said to her: "I ordered a drink and haven't gotten it yet." She replied: "Yes, I brought it" then she pointed to a small glass in front of me that had a clear liquid in it. I said: "What is that?" She said: "It's what you ordered." I said: "It doesn't look like champagne." She said : "It's sake." Yeah, I never ordered sake. So, she took it back and brought me my champagne drink. That was the last I saw of her. She never came back and asked if we wanted more to drink and never refilled our water glasses. Cardinal sin of restaurants.
• I hate wearing a coat when driving. Does anyone else feel this way?'
• Spring clothes out in stores. I hate looking at light, sleeveless things when it's negative zero outside. Can't we just keep some damn sweaters in the store?

My crabby pants are very full today.

The Namesake

Why can't I like this book more? People rave and rave about this book and I kind of slogged through it. Peeps, this book bored me. I felt like an unlover of literature.

This book is about cultural conflict. A boy with parents from India struggles with his identity and culture and mostly (HORRORS) his unusual name. He rebels against his parents in some ways and even starts dating a crazy and sexually aggressive American girl. Indian parents do NOT approve of this girl. It's mostly because she is not from India. Like I couldn't have seen that coming a mile away.

Soon the dad dies (again, I saw this coming a mile away) and the dude begins to understand his Indian culture better. He breaks up with the American and spends more time with his family. Then his mama wants him to start dating an Indian girl that she will set him up with, he doesn't want to but does it anyway (can you get anymore transparent). Then they actually fall in love. Awesome, this story just gets better and better. And more obvious. Of course, the marriage falls apart eventually because the wife is having an affair. I don't remember this exactly, but I'm sure that after all of this there is some kind of deep thoughts about what it means to be an Indian in America.

As I said, everyone else in the world seems to have loved this book hardcore. It wasn't bad, but I just thought it was so contrived. And boring. I could not get over how bored I was reading it. So, 3/5 or 7/10 stars.

Social Media Killed the Dating Star, Part One

I know I've used this picture before, but I needed a picture and this one seems to actually fit. Here's the dealio, Social Media has absolutely killed the dating world. That is a fact. Lately, I've been reading a lot of sad girl blogs regarding dating and bad relationships and the majority of them have one thing in common...they relied too heavily on social media.

Back in the day, dating was relatively simple by modern comparison. There were dates and flowers and then there was maybe a phone call for a second date and so on and so on. The information learned about each other was learned through this quaint little thing of asking questions about one another and talking and communicating. It was perfect for understanding how you felt about someone.

Then, AOL happened. And we had IM's and internets and cell phones and emails and texting and myspace and facebook and twitter and linked in. This, my friends, has effed us up.

Let me tell you a story about me in high school. I had a huge crush on this guy and wanted so badly to ask him to the Homecoming dance (ed. note: I went to an all-girls high school, so yes, the girls did the asking). But, I chickened out. The next dance was several months later and a friend, who was also good friends with the guy, came up to me and said "Everyone knows that you want to ask him, so no one else is going to ask him to this dance. I want him to go and if you chicken out and don't ask him he won't go and I am going to be so pissed at you." I almost shit my pants. I had to do this. In the end, the nerves really got to me (my adult self is screaming as I type this: "What in the hell were you so nervous about?") and I could not pick up that phone and call him. I tried several times only to stop in the middle of dialing his number every time (yes, kids, back then you had to dial numbers). Lo and behold, I dialed into my AOL account and brought up my IM. The crush was also on IM. I actually asked him to a dance on IM! How douchey is that?

It was also a terrible mistake. When we actually went to the dance, we had nothing to really say to one another and I was still nervous. It was because I never actually mustered up the courage to call him and talk to him. We had never jumped that hurdle and so the dance was spent mostly in silence. Awful. If I didn't have AOL and didn't have modern technology, I would have been forced to call him and forced to overcome that nervous part of myself that was saying you can't do this. Instead, I relied on technology and took the easy way out. Never a good idea in dating and relationships.

I have lots more to say about this topic, but I believe long blog posts are the work of the devil. Stay tuned for part two.

Jobs From Hell

For most of us, work will consume the majority of our adult lives. It's kind of an awful prospect. It's especially awful when you are stuck in a job that you hate. I have had a few jobs from hell and they made me miserable. Even the good stuff in life can't really be good because you still have to deal with work.

My worst work experience came the summer after my second year in law school. For reasons that are still unknown to me, I was hated by pretty much everyone in the office the moment that I started. On my first day, I walked into the office reporting for duty. While I was doing a quick tour with the office manager (and number one bitch of the office) we stopped at last at the managing partner's office. She introduced me to him and then he said to her: "Do you have the retainer agreement for the Johnson's? They are coming to the office in about 10 minutes." The office manager swore and said she had to finish it up. Then she brought me to the front desk with the instructions that I was to sit there until the Johnson's came in, when they arrived I was to bring them into the main conference room and then go and get the managing partner and let them know his clients were here.

Listen, I can follow instructions and these were fairly simple. I did as was told. When the managing partner got to the conference room he turned to me and said "Can you go and ask Joanie (his legal secretary) to bring some coffee into the conference room for the Johnson's." It was an order and he was my boss. I do as I'm told. This was the biggest mistake of my life. I found Joanie and told her that the managing partner wanted her to bring some coffee into the conference room. She gave me a dirty look and made a beeline into the office manager's office and began loudly asking her "Who in the hell does that girl think that she is?" It was awful.

Many days at this job I would go into the bathroom once an hour to compose myself from a breakdown. It was the worst summer of my life. I could tell you a million stories from this job that would make your toes curl. My point is work sometimes sucks a whole lot and there's nothing that you can do. Because basically we all need a paycheck. I'm having one of those days at work. Hope you all have a fabulous weekend!

Quote of the Day

"I started drinking again after I caught that new domestic assault charge."
- Defendant

Word to the wise...watch out, apparently crime is contagious. Since I'm around crime daily, I better watch out or I might catch it.

It Doesn't Feel Very New

So, it's a new year. Except it doesn't feel like a new year, you know. I think mostly because I've been so busy that I haven't really enjoyed what I usually enjoy about New Year's. Normally around this time, I start a deep cleanse. I cleanse my home and my life. Everything smells like lemons and looks white. This year was more difficult. Work was insane the week of Christmas and the week of New Year's. I was working through lunches and feeling permanently stressed out. Every second at work was important as it was a second when I could be getting something done. The weekend of Christmas I was busy everyday and was barely at home. The weekend of New Year's I decided that I wanted to do fun things that I had been avoiding because of my busy calendar. It was relaxing and fun, but not really cleansing. Oh well.

Anyhow...new year resolution time. I'm getting back into calendars. I have a secret love affair with calendars. I like having tons of them and I like counting days and I like writing everything down. I used to always keep this big planner and carry it with me everywhere. Then it got cumbersome, so I stopped. I haven't realized how much I actually missed it until I started missing appointments and things like that. My memory is not what it used to be and if I don't write things down, they are lost forever. So, I'm back to calendars. I currently have one in my kitchen (of the dry erase variety), one on my desk (of the outlook variety) and one that I carry around with me (of the planner variety). I also have one that hangs above my desk that has all of my paydates highlighted. That's my favorite one. Although, not this week because I don't get paid this week.

Am I boring you? I'm boring myself. But, to quote Billy Bob Thornton in Bad Santa, "They can't all be winners, can they?"