Old People and Movies

Have you ever been in a movie theatre with old people? A few things are guaranteed to happen. #1, the old people will be PISSED about commercials before the movie. I mean so pissed off that there are rude gestures and loud grunts and other old person noises. #2, the old people will be ready to walk out by the 4th preview. Nowadays, there's always 4-5 previews, even at the cheap theatres. This is about all old people can take. #3, the old people will loudly sigh "Finally" when the movie begins. And #4, some of the old people will be sleeping by the end. That's a given. My grandpa naps every 3 hours, and there's no way an old person can sit in a darkened room for 2+ hours without taking a little snooze.

This weekend, I went to see The Hurt Locker with Mike. It was suppsed to start at 4:15 on a gorgeous Sunday afternoon. When Mike and I walked into the theatre, we realized that we were the only people under the age of 60 in the room.

At about 4:17, the movie hadn't started. They were showing those pre-movie ads on a loop. There were about 3 ads total, so after sitting there for 5 minutes, I had seen each ad 7 times. So had the old people. A slow grumbling came over the crowd as you heard some of the elderly in the back saying, "This movie's 2 minutes late!" "When is the movie going to start?"

At 4:18, one old memaw couldn't take it anymore. "WE WANT THE MOVIE!" She shouted. Other grandpas and grandmas agreed. They couldn't believe the outrage! Their time was being wasted. Of course Mike couldn't let this go by, so he started a chant in the theatre "Movie, Movie, Movie". This got the seniors riled up. There were more shouts of "Start the movie!" and the one angry grandma kept saying "We Want the Movie". I thought there would be an elderly stampede.

In the end, the movie started around 4:20 and the seniors settled down. Until the coke commercial started and then it was all "What in the hell?!" "A commercial!" "Just start the movie already!"

I love going to movies with old folks.