Polish Your Poles...It's May's Eve!

Happy May! Hope tonight brings everyone lots of merriment and pole dancing. I still haven't decided on a NME Resolution for May. I'm feeling kind of spicy today, so perhaps I should resurrect the make out with a random resolution. Thoughts? Resolutions of your own?

Main Street, USA

This is the opening scene at the Magic Kingdom...at Halloween. If you want to know what it looks like at other times of the year, imagine it without the Mickey pumpkins. How cute and whimsical is this? Basically there's not a lot to do down Main Street besides stroll and spend your hard earned money on crap you don't need.

Now, Main Street U.S.A. is one of the best places in the world to witness a toddler (oh hell, you might even see a grown ass teenager) meltdown. My favorite is at nighttime when the street vendors are selling things that light up for $50 and the kiddies go nuts! And let me tell you, if you are a parent, bringing your child to the WDW, you better reserve moneys for something that lights every night of the week. Either that or avoid the parks at night. If you don't buy your kid a light-up toy before the fireworks show, they will scream. Believe it! While I think it's fun watching these meltdowns, I'm told others find it annoying.

So, Main Street gets a 3/5 from me. It's got ambiance, but is basically just a huge toilet for your moneys.

Me, on Disneyworld

I'm not an expert on many things in life (in fact I've failed at more than I've excelled), but there is one thing that I am almost more than an expert. DISNEY WORLD! No, seriously. I'm a huge dork and often dream about going on vacation there. I really think I need to share all of this wisdom via blog. Otherwise, I'm just sharing it with myself via brain and that's no fun.

Without further ado, I'm going to start this off with giving my favorites at the WDW.

Favorite Park: Animal Kingdom
Favorite Ride: Rock 'N Roller Coaster (with runners up being Test Track at Epcot and the new Toy Story Mania game)
Favorite Restaurant: Flame Tree BBQ at Animal Kingdom (I would actually drive the many hours down to Orlando just to eat their bbq pork sandwich. I also have the recipe for their bbq sauce and it's more delicious than you can imagine).
Favorite Hotel: Port Orleans French Quarter or the Boardwalk (it's a tie! I actually have never stayed at the Boardwalk, but it's beautiful and I can imagine staying there will make me feel like I'm transported to a seaside Boardwalk at the turn of the century. It's all very Daisy Miller in my fantasy).
Favorite Nighttime Entertainment: Wishes Nighttime Spectacular at the Magic Kingdom
Favorite Ice Cream: Auntie Gravity's Strawberry Smoothies

Yay! This is so exciting and definitely the dorkiest thing on this blog. Unfortunately, if you meet me, there are many dorkier things in my life than this!

I Heart Research

I'm one of those weird people that loves doing research. Which is probably why I went to law school, to read cases. Today I came across something in a case that has been a question I've been wanting to ask for years:

"When defendant was told that he was being released pending further investigation because the substances seized had not yet been analyzed by the crime lab, defendant stated, 'Well, doesn't the crime lab know what weed looks like?'"
State of Minnesota v. Cavegn, 294 N.W.2d 717, 720 (1980).

Exactly.

Spring Makes You Nuts

Spring Fever is in full bloom! I think I used that corny joke last year. Anyhow, people all around the SP area are going nuts due to the crispness of the air. You only have to look at my last few days at work to see this. This morning alone I have spent the last 2 hours on the phone. TWO F&*!ING HOURS. Defendants are violating probation left and right, refusing to do things for probation because *weep* they don't have the money, not showing up for court, violating their conditional release, demanding electronic home monitoring, etc. The next person that calls with some weepy sob story is going to be told that the sympathy factory has closed and I no longer give a shit. I feel like the therapist in What About Bob. Unfortunately for these felons, taking a vacation from their problems probably means getting hard time.

NME Goals: Rethought

Turns out, I'm just as bad at NME goals as I am at the NYE version. I went for the safe route this month and chose a goal that was completely dependent on me and not someone else. I decided that this month I was going to keep my apartment organized ALL MONTH. I know it's only halfway through the month, but I'm failing. And, I failed at last month's goal, so I'm feeling uber vulnerable right now.

Here's the thing with having a neat house. I think there's absolutely a secret to this and I will share it with you. Everyone who I know that has a neat house has a specific spot for everything. Their coasters sit in an exact spot on the coffee table, their mail has an exact spot either in a drawer, shelf or file folder, their magazine stack always sits in the same place and always has exactly the same number of magazines...you get the idea. That's why their homes always look clutter free because they know where every single thing goes.

And this is my problem! I'm clean and organized, but not neat. You see, I appear to be very strait laced and conservative (read uptight and bitchy, and yes, I know this is what strangers think of me), but I'm actually a little bit more bohemian and lackadaisical. I'm a descendant of a tribe of Hungarian gypsies, so I can't really help it. So, I just can't wrap my mind around having a spot for everything in my house. Instead I'm more like, this is where I'm putting Vanity Fair this month and this evening I'm moving the coasters to the opposite side of the coffee table to make room for my dinner plate and then later I'm going to bring one into my bedroom so I can enjoy a gin & tonic in bed and then I'm going to leave it there for a month. You can see how this creates one cluttered living environment.

So, I'm screwed...two months and two failed goals. I'm terrible!

Everything Is Illuminated

My 9th book took me awhile to get through, which is odd because I loved it and usually that means I can whip right through a book. But this one sort of lingered and I was entrapped in this Ukranian Road Trip for the better part of half a month. Did I mention that I loved this book, like loved it, loved it.

As I have mentioned before, I like character-driven books. By this I mean, I want to hear someone's voice, see what they dress like, what they like to eat, what they hate, what annoys them...basically I want to feel like they are my best friend by the end of the book. Seriously, Jonathan Safran Foer, where have you been all of my life? He's just so, so, so funny and clever and poignant and his book just weeps these amazing stories. I had my reservations about the book because I saw the movie a couple of years ago and thought: Meh. That's exactly what I thought, I just didn't understand what the big deal was. But, now I know and I couldn't be more happy about it.

So, here's the deal, do NOT watch the movie before the book and if you have, then go out and read the book. It's so much better. This is one of those stories that doesn't translate well to the screen because so much of what makes it brilliant is in the writing.

And if you aren't convinced now to read it, perhaps this will change your mind. There's a dog, who's not quite with it, named Sammy Davis Junior, Junior. Sammy Davis Junior, Junior is the seeing eye bitch for an old man who thinks he's blind, but spends a majority of the novel driving a car. You should be laughing now and if you aren't, then there's no cure for your horrid sense of humor.

5/5 or 9/10 stars.