New Month's Eve

Splash Mountain

2012-02-14T10:59:00.004-06:00

Splash Mountain is the best ride that I hate to go on. You know how there are a lot of water rides where you get a little bit wet. This is absolutely not one of those rides. On Splash Mountain, you get WET. I hate walking around in wet clothes, so I only go on this ride if it's really, really hot outside.

Aside from the getting wet part, the ride is actually awesome. First off, it's long. Secondly, it has a lot of cute animated characters and tells a fun story, the story of Br'er Rabbit who is quite the trickster. Thirdly, the music is great and you'll be singing it the rest of the day (even after you go on "It's A Small World"). And FINALLY, the roller coaster aspect of the ride is amazing. It's one of the better roller coasters in all of the parks!

So, there's a lot of good going on at Splash Mountain. But often, you see the little cars riding around like this:

That's because of the wetness factor. As I said, you get splashed a few times throughout the ride. They kind of space it out, so you get a big splash, then a lot of ride, then another splash, then more ride. Then the final splash comes at the end and there's even MORE RIDE! In the end, you will be wet, but will have some time to dry off so you don't have to walk around with your wet shorts showing off your princess underwears for too long.

If it's warm out, you dry off pretty quickly, but in the cold, that wetness stings! Please, don't be one of those assholes who gets the poncho and wears it on the ride so they don't get wet at all. If you are going on Splash Mountain then own it, suck it up and get wet.

This is a tough ride to rate. If it's hot outside, 5/5 or 10/10 stars. I actually think this is one of the best rides in the whole Magic Kingdom. However, if it's cold, or even lukewarm, outside then 3/5 or 6/10 stars. Not even the best aspects of the ride can overcome how much it sucks to walk around in your cold, wet drawers.

Crayon Hearts

2012-02-10T07:45:00.004-06:00

With Valentine's Day upon us, my friend Grace and I decided to test our crafting strength and attempt a Martha Stewart craft. You can find this craft on her website if you search for "crayon hearts". Her instructions seemed simple enough, although the craft proved to be more difficult then Ms. Stewart made it seem.

First, it said to use a handheld pencil sharpener to collect crayon shavings. Except, not so much. The crayons wouldn't fit into the handheld pencil sharpener and we couldn't get them to produce any shavings. So, we had to chop up the crayons, which is really difficult and messy. It also takes a long time. So, that was fail number one.

Next, you take a piece of wax paper and fold it in half, then unfold it and put the shavings on one side of the paper and refold it. Then you want to fold up any open ends in the wax paper because when the wax is heated, it becomes liquidy and will ooze out the sides unless they are sealed up. Once everything is folded, you take an iron on low heat and press it over the top of the wax paper.

This part was fine, except the color of the crayon wax does come through the wax paper and so your iron turns funny colors. Fail number 2. You can see a little bit of the red-violet here.

Luckily, I almost never use my iron for clothing. Once you have everything melted down, you set the wax paper aside to cool and harden. This will happen quickly. We made three colors, red, red-violet and pink. Martha Stewart made some orange colors as well, which looked nice. Here are our hardened wax papers:

You take these and trace hearts onto the wax paper. We just cut out a stencil from other paper and used that. We made both larger hearts and smaller ones. Once you are done tracing, you can cut out the hearts and use a small hole punch to punch a hold in the point of the heart. Then you can use regular thread to make a loop through the hole so you can hang them in the window.

I ended up taping mine to the window sill, although I think you could also string them up along a curtain rod. When the sun hits them through the window they look translucent and beautiful. Look!

This was a very cheap craft. I got three boxes of crayons and they were around $1.00 each, then the wax paper was also pretty cheap. The worst part about this was the crayon shavings, there must be crayon specific sharpeners that you can get, regular pencil sharpeners did not work for us and chopping them was a pain, although it worked just fine.

I was thinking that you could make this for several holidays. Easter Eggs at Easter, raindrops for the springtime, shamrocks for St. Pat's Day, maybe pumpkins or leaves for fall/Halloween. It adds a lot of color to your windows!

Things I Don't Understand - Larabar

2012-02-09T08:56:00.003-06:00

Larabars taste like an ass sandwich. They are seriously gross. I feel like this is a place where the internets truly let me down because I saw all these people talking about how they were excited to eat their Larabars and that they would give them energy throughout the day. I like good food and I like having energy, so I thought I'd try them out.

First, I tried the Key Lime Pie. I love Key Lime Pie and I generally like that tangy lime taste. I hate yogurt, but love Key Lime flavored yogurt. I thought this was a pretty safe bet. It tasted like tart cardboard. And not a good tart, but the kind of tartness where you can't eat it anymore. The Larabar sat on my desk for an entire day. I kept telling myself that I should love it because other people loved them, then I'd take a tiny nibble and throw the Larabar down in disgust. How could people eat these things?

Next, I tried the Banana Bread kind. Disgusting. I had two bites and threw it away. It tasted nothing like Banana Bread.

Finally, I got a Chocolate Chip Brownie Larabar. How can you screw up Chocolate Chip Brownie flavor? You should really ask the Larabar company that question because they seem to have the correct formula. It didn't taste anything like a Chocolate Chip Brownie. Instead it tasted like mulched up tree bark. After one bite I threw it in the trash and said "NEVER AGAIN!"

So, what is it about Larabars that people like? Is it that they are really expensive? That they taste like crap? That they are high in calories?

When in Vegas, Do as Parisians Do

2012-02-08T11:47:00.004-06:00

When I go to Vegas, I believe that the best hotel to stay at is the Paris hotel. It's that gleaming beauty in the background of the above photo, complete with a replica of the Eiffel Tower. There are several reasons why I love the hotel. First and foremost, it's centrally located, so you can walk almost anywhere on the main strip. This is a big thing as cab rides to go one block can take a long time and cost around $20 plus a tip. This adds up. Plus, it's nice not to be at the mercy of a cabbie.

The next reason that I love the Paris hotel are the rooms. They aren't the flashiest rooms around, but they are very spacious and there's a lot of closet space. Plus, the bathroom is HUGE! I know this picture doesn't really show the size of it, but the shower was huge, the sink vanity was huge and they had an overly large tub. I used the tub every day that I was there. There's nothing I love more than a huge tub to soak in.

Then there's the casino. Too many casinos are all dark doom and gloom, but the Paris casino is light and airy. It's supposed to be reminiscent of Parisian streets during the day. Every time I walk into the casino area, I feel like I can hear the birds chirping and feel the sun shining. It makes me want to gamble!

Another awesome reason to stay at the Paris hotel (or at the very least visit it next time you are in Vegas) is the food. The Paris hotel has the best buffet. The thing is massive, so you need to bring your appetite. We ate there twice, once for "dinner" and once for breakfast. The breakfast buffet was the best, there was an omelet station, croissants and other pastries, french toast, fresh fruit, tons of meats, crepes. The dinner buffet is also loaded with goodies like pasta, crepes, salads and soups, chicken, seafood dishes and bread.

One hint for the buffet is to go a little bit before it opens for dinner. Technically you will only have to pay the "lunch" price, but if you wait at your table until dinner time rolls around, you will be able to partake in the all-you-can-eat crab legs, shrimp and prime rib for the lunch price. They also have a pretty good deal for all-you-can-drink wine and beer.

The Paris hotel also has a crepe stand.

Here's a ham and cheese and classic Nutella crepe. We only ate here once and looking at this picture, I'm wondering why? For other options, they have a bistro called Mon Ami Gabi, which has sidewalk seating overlooking the Bellagio hotel, so you can watch the dancing fountains while eating, they have a new place called The Sugar Factory and a fancy-pants restaurant called The Eiffel Tower Restaurant where you have to take an elevator to get to the restaurant and it also overlooks the dancing fountains. Tres chic!

The number one reason to stay at the Paris hotel, though, is that it's right across the street from the famed Bellagio, so it's an easy walk to get to my two favorite Vegas attractions: the dancing fountains and The "O" Show (Cirque du Soleil). I could watch the fountains for hours at a time.

A few years back, my friend Ro and I went out to Vegas and stayed at the Paris. When we checked-in, I politely asked the concierge if we could get a room overlooking the Bellagio? She said that it cost something like $50 extra a night. We decided against it. She gave us our room keys and sent us on our way. When we got to our room, I gallantly swiped my key and walked inside...SOMEONE ELSE'S HOTEL ROOM!!! Yes, the television was on, the bathroom was filled with empty booze bottles and dirty ashtrays and there were open suitcases on the unmade beds. I was horrified. Luckily there was no one actually in the room. Ro and I went back down to the lobby and I found the same concierge and explained what happened. She didn't seem that concerned about it, but asked me to wait a moment while she talked to her manager. When she came back, she said nothing, just handed us our room keys. When we went to our second room, we were delighted to find ourselves upgraded to a room overlooking the Bellagio. There was one night where we watched the fountains for three hours straight right from our room. Magical!

So, if you are ever finding yourself booking a Vegas vacation, consider the Paris. It's a little bit more expensive, but I think it's worth it in the end. Definitely don't forget about their buffet. I'm drooling right now thinking about their buffet!

The Anti-Nester

2012-02-06T08:31:00.002-06:00

Somewhere between moving into my last apartment and moving into Mike's house, I lost my urge to nest. I feel like I have no more design mojo, and that thought is depressing. In my last apartment I spent a good week putting everything in the perfect spot and creating a specific look. But now, I can't even figure out what look I'm going for. Aren't people my age (30) supposed to be nesting by now? Aren't they supposed to be innately interested in throw pillows and pot racks and paint colors?

Even though I feel like I need to do something to jazz up the house, I can't figure out what I want to do or what will look good. The first problem is paint colors. I don't feel a great need to paint anything, although the living room color has always bugged me a bit. The guys who owned the house before Mike painted it this sage green color and if there's a lot of light in the room, the color is really pretty. However, at night, the color is gray. I can't decide if I should just stick with the gray and brighten up the room with pillows and other accessories. Or if I (and by "I", I clearly mean "me and Mike") should change the color. Changing the color could be a real pain in the ass because the walls are plaster and textured and other people have told me that painting textured walls is tricky.

Then there is the issue of paint colors. Picking paint colors overwhelms me so much that when I even think about it, my mind shuts down and I have to take a nap. Just like a little baby. Should it be neutral? But is neutral any better than gray? Should it be a bright? Is red too much? Will I like a beachy marine color? Or is that too thematic? Once I start going to paint colors, I usually decide that the gray-green doesn't bother me that much.

The second big issue is hanging pictures. We have almost no pictures hung on the walls. The issue is that pesky plaster. Plaster walls are a bitch. You have to be careful about hanging anything on them because the plaster can crack and ruin your walls. Some say put crown molding up and hang it from wires attached to the molding, some say you can put the nails in the studs. Both are a crazy amount of work. First of all, most of our "studs" are also really close to electrical wiring. Second, our "studs" must be concrete or metal because when we attempted to drive a nail in one of the only studs not close to electrical wiring we could find the nail bent. We tried 5 different times and got 5 different bent nails. Third, studs aren't necessarily in the most even position on the walls.

You can see why all of these problems cause me to not want to nest. Does anyone know how to hang photos on plaster walls? Anyone else want to find for me the perfect living room paint color and then come over and paint it? Pretty please.

Jane Eyre

2012-02-01T09:43:00.003-06:00

Last month, I totally forgot to do a book review. I am pretty behind in reviewing books anyhow...so, I need to start February out strong. What a better way than to talk about Jane Eyre.

Jane Eyre is one of those Englishy class books that I never had to read in English class. It's funny because when you're forced to read something by a stodgy, old English professor, it seems like the worst book ever. But, when you can read books like Pride and Prejudice, A Tale of Two Cities and The Great Gatsby on your own time, you find that they really are awesome. Except My Antonia, why is that book famous? It sucks.

Having never read anything by a Bronte sister, I decided to give old Jane a go. The results were amazing. I fell in love with this book. Jane is an awesome role model, she's a survivor and doesn't give a shit what other people think. She sticks to her guns.

Plus the story is mysterious and dark, which you don't find a lot of in that genre. Jane is an orphan who is mistreated. Then she goes on to become a governess in a mysterious house where things go bump in the night. No one will give her straight answers and they blame it all on this crazy drunk, Grace Poole. Jane isn't fooled, though, and gets all heebeejeebeed like it could be ghosts! While Jane is at the house, she catches the eye of the house master, Mr. Rochester. The two fall in love and they are going to get married and it's all very cute UNTIL...DRAMA ENSUES. And Jane leaves because the kind of drama that ensues is something that she wants no part in.

Don't worry peeps, the book does get to a happy place again, but not after going through some darkness. I won't spoil all the good parts for you, though. I will just tell you to read it! The book was so good. Even if you had to read it in high school, read it again. Books are better when you don't have to analyze them for every color and word phrasing the author uses.

5/5 or 9/10 stars.

Feb's Eve 2012

2012-01-31T13:28:00.002-06:00

Here it is, my favorite holiday of the year. I can't really celebrate this year like I have in the past. I have yogilates this evening and while skipping it entered my mind, I also realized that my arm flabby-jabbies aren't going away by themselves. And nothing looks worse in a wedding dress than bingo wings! So, I'll be celebrating by going to my class and then probably sharing a pizza with my mother. Yogilates and pizza go hand-in-hand.

I hope that you all are out celebrating big time. What are all of your Feb's Eve resolutions? My resolution is to drink more sangria. It's been awhile since I've had sangria and I miss it. Anyone want to go to Brasa with me?

Expanding Days

2012-01-30T14:04:00.002-06:00

I love it at this time of year when you can actually feel the days getting longer. A month ago, it was dark when I left work and now it's not even dark when I get home from work. It's a small milestone in a Minnesota winter, but one that's always given me a lot of comfort.

My senior year in college, I took a January Term class, or as St. Thomasians called it, J-Term. It was a 200-level American English class and was held Monday-Thursday from 8:00 A.M. to noon. It was kind of brutal. Heavy reading and writing and having it four days a week did not help at all. I would go to class until noon, then grab lunch back at my apartment and then go to my work study job from 1:00 - 5:00 P.M. When I would get home, I'd spend at least 5 hours working on my writing assignment and finishing up the reading. Good thing it was terrible outside.

I remember at the beginning of the term, when I would walk back from my work study job to my apartment, I felt so depressed. I still had mountains of work left to do and it was already dark. It felt like time was rushing by me. Close to the last day of the term, I remember leaving work and heading home in the sun. It felt so glorious that I walked around campus a little longer than necessary basking in that January sunset.

Every year in late December/early January when I'm thinking about how depressing it is that it's dark at 4:30 P.M., I'm reminded of this moment the moment in college when I walked in the January sun. I remember that every day we are gaining a little bit back. Everyday we walk in the light a little bit longer. Suddenly, the winter doesn't seem so long.

Quote of the Day

2012-01-25T15:28:00.002-06:00

Here's an excerpt from a recent trial:

Witness: That was the night I got so mad at my uncle. I was sleeping in the basement and when I woke up he was teabagging me.
Judge: What does that mean?
Witness: Teabagging? Oh, it's just when someone dangles their nuts in your face.

Random Acts of Douchebaggery

2012-01-24T11:23:00.002-06:00

First of all, I'm not even going to comment on the dude's outfit. Except to say that he's wearing plaid on plaid. And that he's wearing pajama pants.

Okay, what I'm really here to RAD is people who go out to eat with other people and, instead of interacting with the other people, spend the entire time on their phone. I think she's texting and he's playing Angry Birds. Is that even a phone the gentleman has? That thing is huge!

Anyhow, the point is that this is really uncomfortable. When you go out to a restaurant with someone, you should make an attempt to converse with them. When two people are sitting at a table, only paying attention to their electronic devices, they look like total douches. It also makes waitstaff and other patrons freaked out. Other patrons are worried that their interactions might disrupt the people's concentration. Waitstaff is wondering if they should take their order now, or wait until they have cleared the level.

A year or so ago, Mike and I went to Brasa in St. Paul. We were sitting next to this old couple who did not speak to each other once during their entire meal. Instead the man had his Ipad propped up, reading a book and the woman had an actual paper book that she was reading. It was so uncomfortable. Why weren't they speaking to each other? Did they get into some horrible argument on the way to Brasa, but they were so hungry that they decided to come in and eat anyways? How long had it been since they had actually spoken to each other? Or was this just business as usual?

Look, if you can't muster up enough social graces to have a conversation with your partner at the dinner table, then keep that hot mess at your own home. No one else needs to be subjected to it.

Photo and idea credit to Anne H. Thanks friend!

Encountering Engaged Clowns

2012-01-23T07:32:00.004-06:00

This past weekend, Mike and I had to attend a one-day engagement encounter. While neither of us were looking forward to spending the entire day at the encounter (9:00 A.M. to 8:30 P.M. with a half-hour drive each way), both of us were looking forward to learning a little bit more about what our marriage would be like.

When we arrived, we were greeted by the main couple moderators. They were very friendly, but right away annoyed me. It was something about the jokes that they made and how loud they were laughing at their own jokes. When the first session started, it didn't get much better. They were talking way too much and over-sharing about their lives.

Then they started discussing how they had both been divorced before and this was their second marriage. Which I'm not going to fault them for, divorce happens. My first WTF moment with them was when they said that not only were they on their second marriage, but they had only been married for 4 months. Okay, how does being 4 months into your second marriage qualify you for teaching engaged couples about successful marriages?

However, that information would pale in comparison to what they would next share with us. It started with a discussion of spiritual divorce and the act of pulling away from your spouse. The couple moderators were going to share with us a difficult time in their relationship. The woman started the story with, "When I first met Krusty (name changed to protect myself), I knew he was a clown. I wasn't worried about it, though. What I was worried about was his ability to provide for himself and our family." She started going on in the story, when her husband (Krusty) interrupted her and said, "I should note here that when she says clown, she doesn't just mean that I'm a goofy guy, she means clowning is what I do."

This was the second WTF moment. They were professional clowns. Now, if being a clown is what you love, then be a clown. However, it's really hard to take people seriously when you are imagining them in a Bozo wig and clown makeup. Isn't the whole point of clowning? That people don't take you seriously. Which is fine when you are at a circus, but this is an engagement encounter. And there's really nothing that I take quite as seriously as my upcoming marriage. So, having these clowns poison the day was really pissing me off.

The third WTF moment was when Krusty was talking about that one summer when he wasn't getting as much business in his clowning and it made him depressed, so he played World of Warcraft all day long. This made his fiancee angry. And who could blame her, no one likes a sad clown.

Needless to say, there was absolutely nothing that these two goofballs could teach me about having a successful marriage. I'm pretty sure that Mike and I were more qualified to teach the class. The joy of the day was that when they got to the topic of sexuality, the clowns stayed silent. Only the old people moderators told us about their sex life. I'm pretty sure I would have had to leave if I heard about their clown sex.

Turtle Talk with Crush

2012-01-13T15:31:00.003-06:00

I have been to Disney multiple times, so there's very little in the parks that leaves me thinking "How do they do that?" But, Turtle Talk is one of those things that I cannot figure out how they do it to save my life.

So, here's the set up, Turtle Talk is located in an obscure corner of The Living Seas building. Search it out, because it's probably the best attraction in the Living Seas building (that building sucks balls). Once you find it, you will have to wait for the next show to begin, when it does you go into this dark theatre like room. There's a screen at the front with a scene that looks like you are deep under the ocean. The one bad thing is that they put all the little kids in the front and so when you are there without kids, you definitely feel like a creeper.

The show starts and there's a Disney employee at the front of the room, by the screen, saying that we have to call Crush (the surfer turtle from Finding Nemo) to the tank so that he can talk to us. So, you call Crush and this animated turtle comes to the screen.

What happens next is pure magic. It's tough to explain, but he takes questions from the little kids about what life is like as a turtle and then he will call on kids to ask them questions about being a human. So, it all happens LIVE. It's like watching a movie that is interacting with you. Crush will say to the Disney employee, "give the microphone to that little girl with the pigtails and the green shirt." And the girl will get the microphone and ask a question like "where do turtles poop?" And then Crush will give some kind of answer that's really funny. And his mouth is actually moving to the words.

It's so much fun. And each show is different, so you can go a couple of times and always be surprised by what is happening. Plus, the kids are always funny about the questions that they ask and there is usually one punk kid in the group who wants to show how badass he is by asking or saying something kind of inappropriate. That part is also awesome.

This ride gets a 4/5 or 9/10 for ingenuity and the WTF factor. I'm minusing a point for uncomfortable seats and the creeper thing.

Sick Baby

2012-01-12T14:46:00.004-06:00

I realize that getting a cold is a necessity of life. It helps us build immunities and then we might not get as sick later on in life. Blah, blah, blah. I am such a baby about getting a cold. I literally revert to my young self and just want to mope around in jammies and order people to make me grilled cheese sandwiches and soup. But, now that I'm an adult I have realized that I can't not go to work every time I come down with the sniffles and even if I did, there would be no one staying home with me making me food. It's a lose-lose.

I came down with a cold this week. It's my first one in awhile. I'm getting over it today, but I'm at that stage where I feel and sound like I'm a chain-smoker and no amount of water or tea will change it.

When I came down with this particular cold, I had an internal debate about whether I should go to work. This is the worst part about being an adult. Sick guilt. Because, I really felt lousy and knew that laying in bed all day would do me a world of good. On the other hand, we were busy at work and was I really sick enough to call-in sick? That's a tough question. How sick do you have to be to call in sick to work? I feel like you have to at least have a fever.

So, I went in. It was miserable and I was a huge baby about it. I'm a baby about a lot of things.

As I was sitting there at work, I realized that I rarely notice when other people are sick at work. Why is that? Do they just not come in? Or do they have a secret weapon against colds that they aren't telling me about? One very worldly co-worker told me today about a British thing called Lemsip that apparently stops colds dead in their tracks. I guess you put it in hot water. But you have to order it from someplace overseas because it's not FDA approved. Anyone else ever heard of this? Why are Americans always the last to know?

Happy Birthday, Kirby!

2012-01-09T14:09:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was my Kirby's first birthday. I took some really cute pictures of him in a birthday party hat, but unfortunately they are trapped on my camera and I didn't bring the tools to free them. So, instead, you get a picture of him doing what he does best...lounging.

Last year at this time, Kirby had popped out of the womb of either a bitch redbone coonhound or a bitch bloodhound, or a bitchy combination of both. Then some asshole left him and his litter by the side of an Oklahoma road. Which is really mean, but luckily that person's error in judgment was our gain.

Kirby is a funny mutt. He is neurotic, intelligent, stubborn and independent. He likes to hide socks and underwear under the coffee table, howl at anyone who dares to walk by our house when the sun goes down and put his face up on the table while we are eating in the hopes that we will throw him a scrap (we never do). He's also all legs, as you can see from the picture, and has this lean and muscular frame that makes me jealous.

Kirby, you've brought so much joy (and frustration) to Mike and my life. Please stop growing so fast so that I can enjoy your howls, besos and drool for many moons to come. Also, please stop howling in the middle of the night when you hear strange noises. It gives me heart palpitations.

People Are Crazy

2012-01-04T07:12:00.005-06:00

When Mike and I went to the Grand Canyon this fall, I was expecting the canyon to be safely gated so that no one feared falling over the edge. I was wrong. While there are some fences along the edge of the canyon, the vast majority of it is totally un-gated. Meaning you could run right off the edge and plummet to your death.

It's scary because in the Grand Canyon Village there are all these kids running around. And they are maybe 4 or 5 feet from the edge. It made my anxiety level go way, way up. I don't really have a fear of heights, but I have a very rational fear of falling from great heights. So, when I was at the canyon I was part awed and part nervous wreck.

I was usually a nervous wreck when I saw people doing things like this:

I realize that you don't have a lot of perspective on this photo and you might be thinking "Oh, that's a lovely couple standing at the edge of the canyon taking a photo." But, that is not what is going on here. These people actually climbed about 40 feet into the canyon to this treacherous rock formation to take a photo. And by climb, I mean they actually had to scale rock to get there. Without ropes. Carabiners be damned!

They weren't the only idiots out there doing this. Look at these people:

I really have no idea how they got down there. It's a sheer drop off from the top of the canyon wall to this rock. And, again, I don't think my photo gives you a good perspective of how far down they were. You also can't tell from this photo that one of them was wearing flip-flops.

Worse than getting down there, I had no idea how they were going to get back up. With no trail near them, the only way back was to literally climb up rock with your bare hands. What is wrong with these morons?!

Then there's these dopes:

What a nice place for a romantic sit-down. Just sitting and chatting and dangling our legs off of a canyon wall. No matter that if someone pushes me, I will fall 2,600 feet onto a hard canyon floor. Where is their sense of paranoia?! They must not have any enemies because all I'm seeing here is danger of someone giving me a big kick from behind.

And then there's this picture:

Here, right at the edge of the canyon wall is a purse, water bottle and small bag. There was no person anywhere around these belongings. I even peered over the edge and didn't see anyone climbing down. And it was nearing nightfall. So......... I mean, not to sound morbid, but I'm pretty sure they fell over. And are probably now dead.

I'm guessing that these yahoos thought that no one can die at the Grand Canyon. But, they are wrong. In the gift shops, I found a book called Death at the Grand Canyon and it was all about people falling over the edge or not taking enough water on hikes or getting stuck by lightning. And these people are all dying. So, it can happen to you. If you go to the Grand Canyon, please consider using one of the many trails that will lead you right down to the floor. And bring lots of water.

Happy New Year

2011-12-30T14:09:00.003-06:00

Lots of people in the blog world are doing year-end recaps. But, I'm not going to do that. I can't possibly remember everything that happened over the last year. Like everyone else, I went on vacations, I had some really awesome shit happen to me, I had some really bad shit happen to me and I gained great insight about the direction of my life. Or something like that.

2012 resolutions are going to be to: eat more fruit, take more pictures, get photos hung on my walls, cook from my cookbooks more and destress my life in a major way. Will I fail, will I succeed? Who knows and who really cares after February?

I wish you all the best in the upcoming year! Yay for 2012! I think it's going to be a good one.

Best Meal...Ever

2011-12-29T15:18:00.004-06:00

I really loathe the term foodie. I don't even get what it means. I once was at a restaurant with someone that I didn't know very well who told me point blank that she was a "foodie" and so was her husband. Then she ordered a hamburger at a seafood restaurant. Dumbo.

Anyhow, I enjoy going to really nice restaurants as a treat every now and again. Some of my local favorites are: Forepaugh's (best bread), Heartland and of course Luci Ancora. Some of my most favorite meals, however, have been out of towners. Off the top of my head I'm thinking of this place I went in Beaver Creek, CO that I think was called The Golden Goose, this seafood platter that my mom and I had in Ireland at a little restaurant called The Point, another seafood lunch at a restaurant in Lahaina, Maui, HI with my mom and at Boma in Disneyworld. I also enjoyed every single restaurant that I visited in Charleston, SC with Michael. I'm sure I'm leaving some off the list, but you get the idea. Bitch likes to eat.

When Michael and I decided to go to Vegas for a few days this fall, I told him that I really wanted to go to Bobby Flay's Mesa Restaurant at Caesar's Palace. I have always wanted to try his food and we would be so close. Michael agreed that we should probably add it to our list of things to-do! Yay!

I loved the ambiance of Mesa, although we really had to search for it in Caesar's Palace which is the most jumbled casino of them all! We originally weren't going to order an appetizer, but hey, when in Rome...So, we got the Tiger Shrimp and Roasted Garlic Corn Tamale.

I had never had a tamale before. Let me say right now that people need to be eating tamales more often. I think tamale eating could cause world peace. The shrimp weren't bad either. I scraped every last bit of the tamale filling out of it's little corn husk and had no shame in looking like a complete pig while doing it. Oink, oink I shouted!

Now for the food, Mike had the Sixteen Spice Chicken (at least I think that's what he had, it's the picture above). It was divine. The flavor on everything was amazing. Bobby really knows his shit. As I recall, the meat was also very tender which is another plus because there's nothing worse than dry chicken. I had the Ancho Chile Glazed Salmon pictured below. It was so wonderful. There's something about the sauces that were on each of the plates that really made the dish.

Because the server twisted our arms, we also ordered sides. This corn dish (I can't remember what it's called, but it's corn, cheese and cilantro) and mashed potatoes. If all we ordered for dinner was this dish of corn, I would have been happy. I would have swam in that little dish of heaven. The mashed potatoes were also wonderful, but let's be real, it's hard to eff up mashed potatoes, right?

And that was it. We were too stuffed for dessert. I absolutely loved Mesa Grill. Everything we had was divine, although I think the best was the appetizer and side dishes. The one downside was the prices. I mean, I know fancy restaurants are expensive, but Mesa was a little excessive for this midwesterner's tastes. We didn't even order drinks. So, even though the price wasn't super appealing, I'd still go there once just to say you've eaten Bobby Flay's delicious food.

If I were an Iron Chef judge I'd let him win every time!

Mockingjay

2011-12-23T11:00:00.003-06:00

Alright, let's finish this series out, shall we. Mockingjay is the last book in The Hunger Games series. The first of the movies is set to come out in March of this upcoming year. So, let's get to brass tacks. Mockingjay is intense and kind of confusing. Definitely the most poorly written and conceived of the three books. But, that so often happens, doesn't it?

Our heroine Katniss is now somewhat safe in the rebel District 13. But, she's finding that the rebel district isn't offering up nearly the type of freedom that she thought it would be. It's a no-fun zone filled with strict rules, curfews and lots of classes. Katniss is all "This sucks", but she's got bigger fish to fry in the form of rescuing that cute buttercup Peeta.

Peeta, however, has been brainwashed into hating Katniss and the rescue isn't exactly what Katniss had intended. And now they are in the Capitol, under full assault, so Peeta's problems take a back seat.

They quickly realize that the Capitol's President Snow means business. Creepy, disturbing business. And people die. I'm warning you now that people you don't want to die will die and it will be sad. Sad to a point where you need to put down the book and have yourself a good cry about how terrible the future world is. But, then pick that book right back up because there's no crying in baseball and futuristic war stories.

Okay, back to the Capitol. Katniss finds President Snow, but then she realizes that he isn't the ultimate enemy and that District 13's President Coin is actually worse. So, she serves up some justice Katniss style and then life is perfect for basically everyone but her and Peeta. Their lives will forever be haunted by The Hunger Games.

And that's the ending. This series is short, dramatic and sweet. Although, I'm not going to lie, there's a lot of plot twists in the end that were not fully fleshed out and got super contrived and confusing. So, in hindsight it's like "Is this the best you got?"

I'm still giving it high stars because I couldn't put it down. 4/5 or 8/10 stars.

Advice From an Old Bat

2011-12-21T15:13:00.002-06:00

When I first started in the working world, I remember being totally unprepared for the fact that my Christmas break was shortened from three weeks to one day. Since I was the newbie in the office, I had to work on Christmas Eve day which seemed sacreligious to me since Christmas Eve was my more favorite of the two days. I worked a full day, went straight to my mom's house where relatives were already gathering and had to jump from my working girl grumpiness to a festive holiday mood in eight seconds flat. It sucked. Then I had the next day off, but it was so busy that it didn't really feel like a vacation day. Then the following day, the 26th of December, I had to jump out of bed and go back to work. All of my Christmas joy was shattered.

Since that time I have realized how precious Christmas break truly is. It's 2-3 weeks of doing absolutely nothing. You can go to a movie at 11:00 A.M. You can go to the mall anytime you feel like it. You can spend several hours at lunch with friends. You can stay up late curled up in an armchair reading Pride and Prejudice and sipping hot chocolate. You can spend an entire day in your pajamas playing with your new toys.

Kids (and college students) don't realize how lucky they have it. Christmas break is the most awesomest thing in the entire world. If you have it, use it wisely.

P.S. Is it too late to become a teacher?

Santa Was Here

2011-12-19T21:13:00.003-06:00

This Saturday, I spent the afternoon wrapping gifts. I am a terrible gift wrapper, so it takes me a long time to get everything all wrapped up. Part of the problem is my anal retentiveness. All packages have to be wrapped in only red, white and green.

I'm really particular about wrapping paper. This year I couldn't find exactly what I wanted, so I had to settle for what I could find. I'm not sure it all meshes together as cohesively as in year's past.

When I had them all stacked up, I couldn't even see the Christmas tree over the top of the stack. I wanted to lay them out to get a better picture.

Voila! Here they all are. The photos turned out a little bit dark. I've been experimenting with camera settings and obviously this was a fail. But, you get the idea. Can't wait for everyone to open up their gifts and see what they got! I had some really good gift ideas this year!

Tis the Season

2011-12-15T13:22:00.002-06:00

Some may remember that one of my majors in college was Marketing. I think my specialty was retailing. I wouldn't be a great face-to-face salesperson due to my extreme awkwardness, but I'm really good at the more subtle types of marketing. Things like product placement and atmospheric marketing. Those things I'm really good at.

In college and law school, I worked for a small retail store and I liked to do their window displays. I'm not sure anyone else really loved for me to do them, though. I kind of obsessed over them. I'd create a theme like "Limes and Lace" where everything had to be lime green or white lace. It was probably super obnoxious, but I got a lot of sales with those window displays. More than once someone called the store and said "I was just driving by your store and I'd like you to put the outfit in the window on the right on hold for me." Now, that's good marketing.

Anyhow, a good friend of mine snapped the above pic of a recent holiday window display. What the duck were these people thinking? Nothing says holiday spirit like two well-dressed and polished mannequins holding a large red phallic object right at their crotches. I'm not sure that this imaging will help with their sales either. Then again, sex sells.

The lesson here is that when creating a window display, sometimes it's a good idea to take a step back and actually look at what we've created. And if it's what's seen above, maybe find a different spot for that random red oblong package.

Photo credit: My friend Christina.

I Am a Crafty Bitch

2011-12-14T07:28:00.002-06:00

Recently, my friend Grace and I got a bug up our rears to do some crafting. We decided on Christmas wreaths. There were many decisions before us, do we use jingle bells, candies, natural things, large balls. Based on pinterest, the possibilities seemed endless. We decided on pine cones and I spent a few days in a local park picking pine cones, which I'm not really sure is legal. But, I did it anyways.

Our method was to get Styrofoam wreath outlines, wrap them in ribbon and then hot glue pine cones to them. Easy enough. All of the supplies came from Michael's. As you can see, we snacked on Triscuits, hummus and cheese.

This is my wreath in production. I used some of the larger pine cones mixed with smaller ones. Grace focused on the smaller cones. I ran out of ribbon, so there is a large portion of my wreath that isn't covered, so don't look too closely at it if you see it in person.

Here is Grace's in the midst of completion. It's coming along very nicely. The pine cones were pretty easy to glue on with the hot glue gun.

This is Grace's finished product. We added a wide red velvet ribbon to attach it to the door and then a red sparkly bird. The bird was an impulse buy at Michael's, but I think it adds a little more pizazz to the wreaths.

And here is my completed product. I got one of the sparkly birds in green and glued it to the bottom.

I love how the wreaths turned out and they were so easy. They were not as cheap as I thought they'd be, but the big expense was the glue sticks and I won't have to get new ones for the next time I make a wreath. We also bought some large pine cones that we ended up not using because they were too big and bulky.

Next up for my crafting adventures will be a Valentine's Day wreath. Anyone have good suggestions for materials?

Bulk Buying

2011-12-09T11:24:00.002-06:00

Recently, I bought a membership to Sam's Club. Is Sam's Club a universal thing? It's basically a big warehouse of food and other household necessities that only come in bulk sizes. The theory is that this saves you money. They also seem to be ALWAYS giving out food samples, so you can go there for lunch.

I have found that I am saving a lot of money in one key place of my life. Fake butter. The only thing that I use fake butter for is toast and sandwiches. I never cook with it. Don't ever cook with fake butter. The same goes for Miracle Whip and low fat cheeses. Don't ever try to melt these things or you will vomit. I actually have a really funny story about how in college I didn't know that Miracle Whip was not in fact actual mayonnaise, so I made my mom's artichoke dip recipe with Miracle Whip and stuck it in the oven to bake. All of these globules of Miracle Whip floated to the bottom and this oily layer floated to the top. Somewhere in the middle of all of this was cheese and artichokes.

Anyhow, even though I only use fake butter on toast and sandwiches, I seem to go through a lot of it. Enter the five pound tub of Country Crock that I found at Sam's Club. That's a lot of fake butter! A regular tub is one and a half pounds (or something like that). When I saw this 5-pound tub at Sam's Club, I told Mike that we needed fake butter because we were almost out. We went back and forth about whether people would make fun of us if they ever saw the 5- pound tub in our refrigerator and figured that very few people look in there, so we might as well go for it.

It was only $5.99. I wasn't sure if I was getting a good deal or not because I didn't know how much a regular tub of fake butter cost. When we left Sam's, we went over to Byerly's to buy our fruits and vegetables and I checked on the 1.5-pound fake butter tubs. $3.49! I then gave myself a special hug to commend my money saving techniques.

Now, if anyone wants to come over I can make you some sandwiches and you don't have to worry that you are breaking my budget by asking for extra fake butter.

Maharajah Jungle Trek

2011-12-05T16:10:00.005-06:00

Animal Kingdom really is all about the animals. But, sometimes, in between all of the rides and multiple visits to Flame Tree BBQ, you realize that you haven't seen many of those darn animals. Maharajah Jungle Trek gives you a good chance to see creatures up close and personal. It's kind of hidden, though, so don't forget to seek it out. You won't be disappointed!

One of the first animals you will see is this komodo dragon. At least, that's what I think this is. Let's just pretend that I am right. Look at him creep and crawl. Okay...moving on...

At some point you will stumble upon the tiger's den! This is my absolute favorite. The tiger is not like the lion where it's lazy and sleeps all day. The tiger's are often out walking around and doing crazy things like drinking water and looking terrifying! Honestly, though, look at how close you get to see the tiger! I could stand there for days just watching him.

The tiger is probably the best part of the whole Maharajah Jungle Trek. I will warn you that there is a BAT HOUSE! And I believe there is also another REPTILE HOUSE. I do not look at these things and instead just run through them screaming!

I really enjoy the Maharajah Jungle Trek. I don't know what Disney zoologist's secret is to keeping the animals in their little areas, but they do a great job. You are usually guaranteed to get a really great viewing of all of the animals. I'm sure that the optimal times to go, though, are during the animal's feeding times, but that's also the most busy. I also think that the jungle trek is good because you can do it at your own pace. You could spend 15 minutes or 2 hours. There are very few things in Disney that are up to the guest, so take advantage of this one!

I will give this one a 3/5 or 6/10 stars. I feel like it's kind of hard to find and could be advertised more. Sometimes you also have to deal with those annoying bastards (i.e. little children) who won't move their pudgy faces from the glass so that the adults can get a good look at the animals.

Catching Fire

2011-12-04T14:07:00.002-06:00

The last time I talked about The Hunger Games series, I talked about how I was worried that the movies would be crap. Well in between then and now, a trailer has come out. And peeps, that trailer was awesome. So, I'm going to hope for somewhere in the middle of crap and awesomeness.

I don't want to give up too much about this book mostly because my mother is currently in the middle of reading the book and will be upset if I spoil details. So, I thought about doing a review OUT OF ORDER, but then the OCD part of my brain that says I can do nothing out of a very rigid order would not allow me to do it. I seriously think that to do something out of order would cause my head to explode. I figured that my mom would prefer to be spoiled than to have my head explode. But, I will be careful.

We return to the story with Katniss and Peeta winning The Hunger Games. There aren't actually supposed to be two victors and the evil government is hella pissed that there are. The country, however, is excited! So, the evil President is running a tight line of punishing Katniss and congratulating her. There's a lot of tension.

This evil President is no dummy and he creates a nefarious plan that puts Katniss back into the danger that we love so much. Katniss is a pretty badass government rebel and she puts the evil government and President in its place. The book is tense and gripping up until an explosive ending that basically leaves you hanging until the third book in the series.

I loved Catching Fire, but didn't love how the ending made the immediate continuation of the third book vitally necessary. You see that a lot in series books. The Two Towers, Eclipse, etc. The middle books give no satisfaction besides advancing the plot towards the heroic ending of the series. It's a necessary evil.

So, I rated the book mediocre. 3/5 or 7/10 stars. I cannot wait for these movies.

Christmas Magic

2011-12-01T15:13:00.002-06:00

How insanely awesome does my mom's Christmas tree look this year. Well, she has me to thank. I am kind of a genius at lighting Christmas trees. My secret is that I wrap each branch individually with lights. The tree above has 750 lights on it. My mom says it hurts her eyes. But it looks amazing. I've been experimenting with my camera a lot and this was the best shot that I got. I love the way the lights glow. I'm going to have to go back at night and see if I can intensify this effect.

Christmas is officially here. Every year it sneaks up on me, but this year I'm hoping to be ready for it. I've got my own tree up, half of my gifts purchased with the other half already decided upon and my Christmas card list made. Plus I am stressed out! The holidays are here!

Here's a list of my most favorite holiday traditions:

Looking at Christmas Lights. I love driving around to see how people have decorated their houses. The area that I live in always has lots of decorated houses. This year the weather was really nice the weekend after Thanksgiving, so I'm expecting there to be more lights outside than usual. Yay!

Baking. My mom and I go nuts with baking cookies. I'm pretty sure that if you dug in her freezer you'd find some cookies from Christmas 2010, Christmas 2009 and probably a couple of stragglers from Christmas 2008. We are currently nailing down our cookie list for this year.

Christmas Movies. So far, the only Christmas movie that I've watched is Grumpy Old Men. I'm hoping to get in Christmas Vacation, Home Alone & Home Alone 2, The Santa Clause, The Grinch, Elf, Charlie Brown, Rudolph and Frosty. I love sitting down with wine, popcorn, candles and a good Christmas flick.

Wrapping Gifts and Writing Cards. Nothing gives me quite so much joy as writing Christmas cards. I have always loved it. And I love displaying cards that I get, although this year I'm looking for a new method of displaying them. Any suggestions? I also love wrapping gifts and having a tree full of gifts underneath.

I am excited to celebrate this holiday season with my wonderful family and friends!

Quote of the Day

2011-12-01T10:54:00.003-06:00

Coworker: What's going on with you and Julia? Ed. note: Julia is another coworker, but I changed her name to protect her identity.
Me: Well, we are in a cold war right now over the Tuesday afternoon calendar.
Coworker: Yikes. I'd keep that war cold. She's much larger than you.

Las Vegas: City of Bums

2011-11-29T11:17:00.004-06:00

I don't remember there being so many bums in Vegas the last time that I was there. There are always bums in Vegas, but when I was there this past October it felt overcrowded with bums. They were everywhere. One day we walked from our hotel, Paris, to the MGM Grand and it was a bum war zone. You could not walk anywhere without one standing a little too close to your purse or one dancing around in a Homer Simpson costume demanding that you pay him for a photo. Where did they all come from? The irony of it all was that right across the street was this:
Gucci! Louis Vuitton! Prada! There were no bums on that side of the street. I guess the Vegas city council must have zoned it a no bum zone.

Okay, back to the picture at the top of this post. Peeps, this particular bum was sunning himself on a tiny patch of grass right next to Las Vegas Boulevard. It looks like a nice place for a nap. The problem is that he made himself comfortable by taking his shoes off. I don't want to sound harsh because I know he's homeless and showers aren't that convenient, but homeboy had some of the stankiest feet.

We were probably 10 feet from this bum and hadn't seen him yet when a noxious odor hit our olfactory nerves. We couldn't figure out what in the hell it was. That's when I saw him laying there with his shoes off. It had to be him. As we got closer, the smell got worse and worse. I have never in my life smelled anything like it. Half of me felt sorry for him and the other half wanted to demand that he put his shoes on. His feet were assaulting me.

I'm hoping that the next time I'm in Vegas, the streets are a little more cleaned up. Otherwise I may never leave my hotel.

It's the Most Terrible Time...of the Year!

2011-11-22T10:34:00.002-06:00

Oh, awesome, snow. I don't know what it was about this year's first snow storm that caught me so off guard. I wasn't mentally prepared for it, I guess. Even though the snow looked so lovely and white and pure, inside I felt like crying. This past Saturday was a depressing day. So, now I need to gear myself up for all of the fun and exciting things that are going to be happening this winter. At least something has to get me through!

Science Museum fun. Right now, the Omnitheatre is showing a movie called Amazon, it's playing through January. I'm guessing the Omnifest will be in January and that's always good. Then beginning February 18, 2012 will be a new exhibit called Real Pirates. It's all about the Golden Age of Piracy. That actually sounds pretty awesome. Aarrgh you going to go?

Disney's The Lion King Broadway show. It's coming in January to the Orpheum. I'm really hoping to get some tickets from stubhub and go.

The Winter Carnival Beer Dabbler. I am not a beer drinker, but I can at least find a couple of beers that I enjoy and there will be entertainment that I am hoping is in the form of a good band. You really don't need much to get me out of the house in the middle of winter. The fun is on January 28th at the St. Paul Farmer's Market.

St. Paul Winter Carnival. I think the winter carnival is a little bit hokey, but what else are you going to do? The part about the carnival that I like the best is looking at the ice sculptures. These are usually pretty neat and at night they light up the area so it's very pretty and romantical if that's what you are looking for. That all happens in Rice Park. Another fun thing to do is walk around for an hour outside and then go into the St. Paul Hotel for a hot toddy. January 26-February 5.

Movies! There are some good movies coming out just in time for the winter season. Sherlock Holmes, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, Beauty and the Beast 3D, One for the Money, The Vow. A lot of times the crappy movies get shoved to January and February, but more often than not you can see a lot of cinematic gold during this time.

Award Shows. There's something about award shows that I love to hate. They are so boring and yet I always watch beginning to end. Mike and I have created a special awards show dinner that consists of: shrimp cocktail with Byerly's Vidalia Onion and Meyer Lemon cocktail sauce, Boar's Head Buffalo chicken sandwiches on toasted kaiser rolls, Byerly's Asian Ramen Salad and Prosecco. We have this dinner while playing board games and making fun of celebrities.

So, there's my list so far. Let's hope Spring comes soon!

Random Acts of Douchebaggery

2011-11-21T14:47:00.003-06:00

Sheriff Kirby is not happy. He's upset with retailers creating the craze that is Black Friday and then exploiting it to all the dum-dum humans. But this year is different. This year makes Sheriff Kirby IRATE! Stores opening at midnight and the human folk falling for it. WTF you big old douchebags.

Several years ago, my mother asked me to wait in line outside the Best Buy store on Black Friday so that we could get a good deal on a new computer. My exact words were "Hellz No Biznitch." It was cold and the store opened at 7:00 A.M. We would have to get there at 5:00 A.M. and I was not wasting a day off of school to get up early. No deal is that good.

I was totally right. NO DEAL IS THAT GOOD. Stop telling me about how you got a $300 printer for $50. I don't care. You look like a total ass clown camping outside the store in your tent. A printer is not worth losing your dignity.

This year, however, retailers are crossing a line. Stores are opening up at midnight, which ruins many people's turkey days. So, you're telling me that to get the best deals I have to leave my family early to go wait in line outside a local Kmart to get the ultimate blue light special. Way to ruin a holiday retailers. What will they do next year, start the deals at 8:00 P.M. on Thanksgiving. In 10 years the deals will start on midnight of Halloween!

The retail industry has gone too far and both Kirby and myself are RADding them. Boycott your local black Friday deals and let's take back Thanksgiving together!

On a side note, when I was a youngster my grandpa was telling me about how he had to go to Kmart and wanted to know if I would go with him. I said "Grandpa, you CANNOT go to Kmart! Someone might see you in there."

Reading Stoppage

2011-11-17T10:32:00.002-06:00

Every year around this time I seem to fall into the same rut. I stop reading. I have not read a line from a book in almost a month! It's almost too horrible of a fact to even type. However, it's the truth and I am a truth teller.

I think it's the end of fall that has me wanting to be outside rather than inside reading. Plus, things have been so hectic lately that I can't seem to calm my mind to concentrate on words. Maybe it's Adult ADD? The last time that I read, I realized that after reading three pages I had no idea what was actually going on in the story because I started thinking about my grocery list and even though I was physically reading the book, I had stopped paying attention. Do they sell Ritalin for readers?

So, I'm not going to meet my goal for reading this year, but it's alright. I'm hoping that the colder weather will find me wanting to snuggle up with my kindle soon. That and the fact that I am finally almost totally caught up with my Tivo. Have you guys been watching TV this fall? After 3 years of total shit, there's finally something good to watch. Too many good things. I can't keep up!

The Voyage of the Little Mermaid

2011-11-15T09:20:00.004-06:00

I remember back to the golden time of Disney movies. For me it was the late 80's/early 90's when we got back to back classics of Oliver & Company, The Little Mermaid, Beauty & the Beast, Aladdin and The Lion King. Those were great days. Then came Pocahontas which was not so great and then The Hunchback of Notre Dame which was terrible. I stopped caring after that.

At Disney's MGM/Hollywood Studios, they have a fun stage show that's a shortened version of the movie The Little Mermaid. The show runs continuously throughout the day and it's impressive how good it actually is considering there are live actors and elaborate sets.

We all know the story, Mermaid creepily stalks humans and falls in love with a prince. Then she makes a deal with the devil, or in this case the fatty boom ba latty octopus sea monster, and gets some legs! But in getting those legs, she loses her voice, which basically means she's screwed. Everyone knows that NO ONE loves a mute. Anyhow, once she's human she needs to get that dumb prince to kiss her so she can stay human and get her voice back. He's all "Shucks, I can't love a mute." And apparently she can't write, so not only is she a mute, but she's a dumb mute. At least she's got great hair and a tiny waist.

As you can imagine, madness and danger ensue. But things work out in the end, so it's all good. The pretty girl gets her man, her legs and her voice. It's a win-win-win.

The one thing about this show is that there are loud noises and some scary scenes. So, I'm not sure it's for all the little kids. Did you hear about the madness and danger? I would say 5 and above only, but really why would you want to bring anyone younger than 5 to Disney? Do you know how much it will cost you? Think back to how many memories you have before 5...do you really want to waste all that cash on toddlers who won't remember shit about the trip when they are older?

Anyhow, on to our ratings. The line for this ride can get long and the show is 18 minutes long, so once you get in the line you are committed. In the end it's worth it. The show is really well done and the story of the Little Mermaid is great. Plus, you get to sit on your ass, which is always a plus at Disney!

4/5 or 8/10 stars!

Sometimes Life is Too Short

2011-11-09T11:15:00.002-06:00

Yesterday my uncle Dan died after a short battle with cancer. I refuse to give it any more power by making it a big "C". The best way to describe Dan was goofy, he was always laughing and making jokes. I will miss that.

My last memory of Dan was at his daughter's high school open house in late June of this summer. They had all these leftover hot dogs and Dan wanted people to take some as they were leaving "for the road". When my mom and I left he kept loudly saying that we needed to take a hot dog. We were all hot dogged out and declined. But, Dan is persistent and he kept at it. As we were walking down the driveway, in the rain, he started making up a dog. He was loudly telling us he was putting ketchup and mustard on it. We kept walking and laughing. When we got to our car and there he comes running down the driveway, hot dog in hand shouting "Linda, Molly, you forgot your hot dog." He brought it to us in the car. I had to hold it. The bun was soggy from the rain and the mustard was leaking out the side.

Truth be told I was so annoyed at him. I hate scenes and the whole open house was staring at us. Plus, I had to hold the soggy dog all the way back home. Now I am nothing but grateful that he gave me that one last memory of him. What he did that day was so Dan and now every time I think of him, I won't think of the person who was sick with cancer, I will think of him running down the driveway with a soggy hot dog, laughing his distinct laugh and making a room full of people laugh with him.

Two weeks after the open house, was my birthday. Dan was complaining at that time of a sinus infection that wouldn't quit. A few weeks after that he was told there was a mass in his head and a couple of days later we found out it was stage 4 head cancer and that it had metastasized. It's crazy how relentless and despicable this disease is.

We will miss you Dan!

Toe Fetishes

2011-11-07T07:53:00.001-06:00

Last week for Halloween, a coworker came into work with this plate of cookies that she had made that all looked like different body parts. There were fingers, eyeballs and toes. She wanted everyone to take one of each. Above is a picture of the toe cookie.

The three cookies sat on my desk haunting me for the entire day. First I tried to eat the finger, but got really grossed out and couldn't bite into it. So, when no one was looking I threw it into my trash bin and then put a paper cup on top of it so that no one would know. Next, I tried the eyeball. I managed to take a small bite, but had to spit it out into a napkin. I kept thinking of actual eyeballs and I started gagging. That left the toe.

Oh Lord, that toe. Look at the thing. First of all, what is up with the green? The obvious explanation is that it is a witches toe, but I kept thinking of that one nail fungus commercial where the toe nail is lifted up and the cartoon fungus settles in. Then the black nail. Color me heebeejeebeed. After looking at the toe for a full day and a half, I finally pitched it. I just can't eat things that look like body parts (minds out of the gutter).

After getting rid of all of the body part cookies, I felt free! And I no longer got sick to my stomach sitting at my desk. Until the coworker came back and said that she had 10 toes left and that since I ate mine up so fast I should take another one. Shame set in and I grabbed a new toe off of her tray. Then she sat talking to me for 15 minutes probably wondering why the hell I wasn't biting into the cookie. As soon as she left I threw the toe into the garbage. Just holding it was giving me the shivers.

Do me a favor, please. If you ever make something that looks like a disgusting body part, do not offer it to me. And if you do, know that I will throw it directly into the trash. Directly. I won't consider your feelings. You've been warned.

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

2011-11-03T09:06:00.002-05:00

This book was g double 0 d good. Although it did feel a little bit Angela's Ashes in NYC to me. Although it's definitely not as tragic as Angela's Ashes. Not by a long shot.

The book is set in Brooklyn and I soon realized that in my mind I thought Brooklyn was the Bronx...and apparently it's not. So....that was embarrassing. And humbling. I clearly don't know my New York boroughs. So, here we are in Brooklyn, which is still not the Bronx, and it's the early 1900's and there is a poor Irish family struggling to get by. Guess why? Daddy's a drunk. Those damn Irish!

So, Johnny is the dad and he's hopeless except you can't help but to love him. His daughter, the story's heroine, can't see past her dad's charisma despite her unique intelligence. So, she instead loses herself in reading and school and her random after school jobs of looking for scrap metal and junk with her brother. They trade the junk in for pennies and candy.

The mom, Katie, is such a sad sack. She keeps trying to save money, but that drunk husband of hers always finds it and then spends it on moonshine. What an asshole. There's a really sad scene where Katie is super pregnant and scrubbing other people's floors for money. I can tell you that when I am pregnant, I won't be scrubbing my own floors at 1 month along let alone 9 months. Poor lady.

Don't fear peeps. The author gave these characters boot straps and you can bet your bottom dollar that they will pull themselves up. Not until something tragic happens, though. Sadness occurs and then some more. Our heroine is continuously knocked down, but she keeps on learning. Education is freedom kids. Stay in school.

This book is like hot chocolate with snowflake marshmallows and a little bit of vodka mixed in. 4 out of 5 stars or 8 out of 10.

Fashion Files: Winter Work Dressing

2011-11-01T10:53:00.002-05:00

I recently converted my closets from summer to winter and realized how much I hate dressing for work during the winter. My job is strictly business professional Monday through Friday. I've only ever worn jeans to my job once and it was on a Friday when my boss was out of town and I was cleaning the office. And even then someone made a backhanded comment about it. In the winter, all I want to do is get into some big, over sized sweaters and comfy Ugg boots and relax at my desk. This is highly frowned upon. Here's how I stay professional (or at least somewhat professional) during a cruel Minnesota winter.

1. Tights. I always have 7 pairs available. Mostly black. I also invest in the thicker "sweater" tights. Those come in really handy in January and February.
2. Flat black knee high boots. I have to walk a significant ways into the office, across a bridge, uphill (BOTH WAYS)! Anyhow, the sidewalks are hell on nice footwear. Last year I bought a nice pair of flat black knee high boots that had some traction on the bottom. I wore them every day. I always keep a pair of black heels at my desk in case I want to change into something a little more fancy, but the boots were a lifesaver.
3. Thick socks. I have found that when your feet are cold, you cannot get warm. I always buy thicker socks for the winter and when I know I'll be walking through a lot of snow, I often carry a spare pair in my bag in case my socks get wet. There is nothing worse than wet, cold feet.
4. Long-sleeved black dress. I now have a couple of these. I like dresses for the office because it doesn't require a lot of thought. It's hard to find good long-sleeved options, but I love them in the winter.
5. White long-sleeved tissue tees. I realize that tissue tees aren't going to give me much warmth, but every little bit helps. Sometimes it's also nice to have that extra layer keeping your body heat in. The thin tissue tees can go under almost anything and not show any extra bulk. I stock up at Target and wear them under almost everything from December through April.
6. Sweaters that look like blazers. I should probably wear a suit to work, but I am always freezing when I only have a blazer on. I need that extra warmth from a sweater. I've gotten a few collared button up sweaters that are warm and cuddly, but also look professional.
7. Pashmina type scarves. One of my really sad stories is that i had this awesome black pashmina that I bought in Florence, Italy and lost last winter. I think what happens is that I would wear scarves into restaurants and then would take them off when I was eating and forget about them. I'm pretty sure that's what happened to that one. I like having scarves that can function both in the cold and sitting in the office as a fashion statement. Pashminas can also become shawls if you are really cold.

I am really dreading this winter and hoping for an early spring time!

All Spooks Day

2011-10-31T20:17:00.002-05:00

Look at our crafty pumpkins. They were freestyled. I think it's better that way. Look how happy they are!

And look who decided to photobomb this shot. Kirby was obsessed with the pumpkins. He loved the smell, the seeds and the actual flesh. I think he was just hoping that we'd allow him to go Hannibal Lecter on their asses. We did not. At least not yet.

And here's Kirby in his Halloween best. He was made honorary sheriff for Halloween night. His bay definitely keeps the hooligans away. Tomorrow he will sadly have to relinquish his badge until next year.

Happy Halloween!

Excuse Me, Ma'am

2011-10-28T13:03:00.008-05:00

After Sunday mass, I went out for a nice Sunday brunch with family. The restaurant was packed to the gills. As we were walking out, someone in the group noticed that the lady walking out in front of us had a tail! Can you see it in that picture above? No? Allow me to zoom in closer...

A tail made of toilet paper! I keep looking at this thinking, how the hell did that happen? And how did she walk through that crowded restaurant with not one person telling her about her toilet paper tail?

Of course, we were no better. Instead of saying something we took a picture. So, I guess we are just as bad as all of those other people. In our defense, she was getting into her car and we would have had to run to tell her that she had just totally embarassed herself to an entire restaurant. This picture really is golden.

At that same brunch, I saw a 10-year-old kid pick his nose and eat it right at the dinner table and also a 40-year-old lady rocking a Snooki bumpit. Stay classy Eagan!

My Camera Will Never Learn

2011-10-27T15:30:00.003-05:00

Secret Confession Time. I am addicted to looking at photographs. On Facebook, I will find people who I am not facebook friends with and only remotely know (or don't know at all) and look through their photo albums with all the vim and vigor that a fat kid has in an ice cream shoppe.

I just love looking at pictures. However, I am horrible at taking pictures.

Many moons ago I made it my NYE resolution to take more photos. I wanted to really try and document my life. What types of things did I do, who was there, what was I wearing, what did my hair look like, what foods was I eating, etc. That year I learned two things: 1. Many people don't like to be photographed and 2. When you are into taking photos at an event and no one else is, you will feel like a total creep.

After a few months of being that awkward photographer who at every function was like "Hey guys, let's get do a group photo", I decided that my self-esteem couldn't take it any longer. I stopped taking photos and instead creeped on other people's photos. So, basically I went from taking photos and feeling pervtastic to not taking photos and feeling the same way.

I wish I could learn the lesson that having my own photos to look through would probably make me less loser like in looking at stranger's photos.

Random Acts of Douchebaggery

2011-10-25T11:35:00.002-05:00

This one goes back to my childhood. But I'm not above RADding people from my childhood. No one is safe.

As a young'un, I was a dancer. Not a child stripper, but an actual tap, jazz and ballet kind of dancer. I loved it and danced, danced, danced until my little heart wept. There's a video of me when I was five in my very first recital and I'm up there in the center of the stage tapping away and screaming out the words to the song. It was intense. At the end you kind of see me pick my nose a little bit. I'll admit to doing it, I was four and totally not scared to gross out the general public.

Anyhow, when I was let's say 10, I was in quite a predicament. My mom was out of town and I was staying with my grandparents. My grandma had taken me to dance class and I had to order my recital tights by that class or else my legs would be NAKED. My grandma would not let me have naked legs, she was going to take care of that shit.

We went to my dance teacher after class and my grandma said "We need to order tights for Molly, but I don't know what size she should get." Simple question. The dance teacher said "Oh, you know she has thin calves, but she's a little bigger up here, so I'd try a large." When she said "Bigger UP HERE" (emphasis added) she was pointing to my middle section. My tummy, or fupa if you will. Yes, that's right, bitch done called my 10-year-old ass fat.

I almost started crying. My grandma said something along the lines of "This girl does not wear a large!" and we ran out. I'm not really sure if we ordered the tights or not, but I never went onstage with naked legs, so somehow it got taken care of.

My point is, I wasn't fat (porky maybe, it was an awkward phase of childhood), but there really was no reason for the teacher to point out my body's misgivings. She had a little bit of a fupa herself. I think my grandma was worried I'd be damaged from it, but I told her "Nah, grandma, that lady's a total bitch." But, I think it actually did bother me a bit. I know I sucked it in around her a lot more often. And sucking in while you are tapping away is not easy.

Look lady, don't call young girls fat. It's a douchey thing to do.

Addicted to Planning

2011-10-21T11:54:00.003-05:00

I am one of those people who has multiple calendars. I have a planner that has a weekly look at my schedule. Then on my desk, I have a monthly calendar with basically the same information that is in my planner. Then at home I have a monthly calendar on the fridge. I also enjoy keeping a daily to-do list that has all of my tasks including things that I have scheduled for the day. Right now in my to-do list for the day I have "Lunch with Alice" written down.

My name is Molly and I am addicted to planning.

A lot of people might say that a planning addiction is not really a bad thing, but those people are wrong. A planning addiction means that you spend so much time in the planning process that you can't ever get to the doing phase. So, my addiction causes me to not be a doer. Sigh.

This weekend I'm thinking about multiple projects that I need to work on. My closets need to be switched from summer to fall/winter. I have a couple of sweaters and coats that I'd like to get drycleaned. I want to finish cleaning out the gardens. I have to buy my Halloween pumpkins. I have multiple CD's filled with pictures that I want to get uploaded to kodak gallery and ordered. I have to go to the grocery store. I would like to hang a couple of pictures. Because of my planning obsession, I know that only a few of these will actually get accomplished. I have overbooked myself for the weekend, so have limited time and will likely spend that time making a list about all of the tasks that I have.

Can someone help me so that I won't have to continue wearing tank tops to work next week?

Babies are Cute

2011-10-20T11:46:00.002-05:00

One of my most avid readers had a baby today. Congrats to her. I'm so excited for her family!

Another girl (or are you a woman once you've had a baby?) that I work with had a baby last night. So, it's a baby kind of day.

Nothing warms my heart more than pictures of newborns. You know those first hospital pictures that they take where the baby is all "Get that effing camera outta my face! I just suffered a major trauma here" But in a cute way. I love those pictures.

The Hunger Games

2011-10-17T15:07:00.003-05:00

I had been hearing about The Hunger Games for awhile before I read it. I kept hearing that it was incredibly suspenseful and that the next books weren't coming out for a long time and that the suspense was killing people. I am such a baby for this type of thing, so I waited until all of the books were out before I read anything. I'm glad I did because I was so hooked that I read the books back to back within days of each other. I couldn't put them down.

I know some people might be worried that these go the way of the Twilight series in that Young Adult fantasy love (wait, that sounds bad) genre. But, I assure you, these are better than Twilight. Much better.

How can I explain without giving anything away? The books are set in the future and the future's looking grim. The U.S.of A is broken up into twelve districts and the government is rather oppressive leaving the districts poor and desolate.

Just for fun (and to repress any thought of an uprising), the government stages these super fun games for the country's youth. The games involve two youth luckily selected from each district who get to play to the death. Yes, that's right, there is only one victor and that person is only a victor because they aren't dead. It's gruesome and morbid and kind of difficult to actually read.

Our hero, Katniss Everdeen decides that she's not really about that shit and she tries her hand at fighting the government. It's hard to really say more without giving things away. The book definitely throws a lot of curve balls at you. I kind of thought I had the ending pegged and then something totally different happens. Plus, when the book was done I could not wait to get my grubby little paws on the next book. So, 4/5 or 8/10 stars!

I can't review the book without talking about the movie. The Hunger Games has the potential to be an awesome movie. Like hella awesome. The author has a seriously creative imagination (is that an oxymoron?) But, I'm worried that Hollywood will ruin it. I've seen it happen before, and yes, I'm looking at you Twilight.

First of all, the casting. I'm not super down with the casting of this Josh Hutcherson as Peeta. Peeta's a major character to screw around with. He's supposed to be all stocky, all-American, straight laced hotness. And they have a short, non-buff stoner. He's not even really that cute. Then they cast Lenny Kravitz as Cinna. I loved Cinna in the books. Loved him. Lenny Kravitz...ummm....does he act? I mean besides playing himself? It's either brilliant or terrible.

The second point of concern is the timing of it. The filming ended in mid-September and it's going to be out at the end of March. That seems really, really fast. Like, we aren't going to spend enough time on the special effects fast.

I also don't like the message of a March release. What good movies have you seen in March? And you can't say Hot Tub Time Machine. That was just a fluke. I just hate when Hollywood comes in and takes this really great book that could be a really great movie and ruins it because they want to make money fast. That's just wrong. Because once they make this movie, they can't remake it for at least 20 years.

Carousel of Progress

2011-10-13T09:39:00.002-05:00

Just looking at this picture gives me the true blue warm fuzzies. I love Walt Disney's Carousel of Progress, but I think I might be the only one.

My first time at the Magic Kingdom, this was one of the last rides that I went on. I thought it sounded real dumb. However, once I learned the magic of the COP, I wanted to ride it again and again. And I did, I just kept getting in that line over and over and over. My mom had to beg me to go on a different ride. The only way that I can explain it is that I'm tenderhearted for history and nostalgia and this ride is chalk full of both.

The premise of the show is that you are in a moving theatre. You go in, take your seat and then this music starts "There's a great big beautiful tomorrow, shining at the end of every day..." The music cues the theatre to move onto the next stage in it's carousel and there you are going through the 20th century and being shown all of the wonderful inventions that have come over the years. I'm pretty sure that I could accurately recite the entire show to you if you really wanted me to.

My biggest complaint about this ride is that they haven't added anything new. I'm not sure exactly how they would do it without building a whole new carousel. And I think the point of the ride is that they are going through the 1900's. It's just that it used to be the last stage was really modern and technologically current...and now...well, it's a little out of date. I have a feeling that's got Walt spinning in his grave. I'm always surprised that they haven't at least changed that last scene at all, maybe added some actual new technology. I'm sure, however, that if they did change it there would be something I didn't like about the change. So, I guess I'll just shut up and love it the way my 9-year-old self loved it.

Even if you don't love the show, you can love these few things: 1. no line, 2. air-conditioned theatre, 3. you can get off your feet for 20 minutes, 4. darkened theatre (I've seen several parents sleeping).

5/5 or 10/10 stars. It probably doesn't deserve this rating, but I let my biased heart win out.

Short Sleeved Sweaters are Confusing

2011-10-12T12:47:00.002-05:00

I guess this post is self-explanatory from the title. I always get annoyed by short sleeved sweaters. Who wears a sweater to stay cool?

When I was in high school I bought a short sleeved sweater and it was the biggest fashion mistake of my life. When do you wear it? The one day in October and the one day in May when it's cool enough for sweater material, but hot enough for exposed arms? I typically wore it in the fall and spring and was either cold or hot, but never in between. It sucked balls.

Why do retailers do this to us?

Iced Tea Melee

2011-10-11T09:14:00.003-05:00

I stole an old woman's iced tea the other day. And I don't feel guilty. Here is my story.

One cold and chilly fall morning a few weeks ago, I went to Dunn Brothers for my morning iced tea. It was still September and I wasn't willing to give up my summer time drink despite the chill to the air. I get in line and order one large black iced tea.

After ordering, I move to the "Piccup Line" and wait for my order. There are two old ladies hogging the counter, so I was standing behind them to the side. After a couple of minutes a barista comes up with one large black iced tea and puts it on the end of the counter closest to me.

Here's my thought process: 1. On a cold day in a coffee shop, I must be the only idiot ordering an iced drink, 2. The drink sat there for more than 5 seconds without anyone else going to pick it up and 3. Iced tea isn't really an old lady drink. So, I swooped in and grabbed the iced tea.

As I started unwrapping the straw, I felt old bitty evil eyes poring into my side. I turned to see the old ladies glaring at me. I stop what I'm doing, look them into the eye and genuinely say "I'm so sorry, did one of you also order an iced tea?" Silence. I think the bitties were trying to shame me. Bitches, please. It's downtown at 8:00 on a workday morning. I feel no shame for diving at my morning caffeination. Maybe if they felt the same sense of urgency about being awake, they'd be enjoying an iced tea by now.

One of the old ladies mockingly said to me "I did order an iced tea, but maybe you were here first." Awesome Minnesota passive aggression. They clearly knew that they were here before me. So, I did the kind thing and slid the iced tea cup towards her and said "I'm sorry, why don't you take this one and we'll just get a new straw."

So, now I've apologized twice to her and offered her the iced tea. Old lady wasn't going to give up in trying to shame spiral me. She had to take one last dig and said "Maybe you need it, you look like you're in a real hurry."

That was it. I grabbed the iced tea and said "I am in a hurry", poked the straw into the top and took that first sweet sip all while making direct eye contact with the ladies. Then I left. I totally went downtown on her ass.

Random Acts of Douchebaggery

2011-09-28T10:32:00.003-05:00

I am not a fan of strangers touching me. Even in a crowded space, if I am brushed by a stranger's hand or arm, I shudder with a sudden case of the creeps. Several of my friends who have had beautiful babies have warned me that on that far away date when I do get pregnant I better be prepared for stranger touching. Apparently strangers love touching pregnant bellies. Lord help me.

Truth be told, I've heard many terrible stories from my friends about the inappropriateness of people's behavior around pregnant women. What is it about pregnancy that makes people ass clowns?

Last week I heard a really annoying story from a good friend who is pregnant (I almost said knocked up, but then I realized that is inappropriate behavior regarding pregnant women...so glad I caught myself). My friend is all of those good adjectives that you would use for pregnant women. Glowing, beautiful, radiant. However, there is a woman that she works with who enjoys telling her how pregnant she is. And she uses the bad words like "big" and I think she even maybe has used the word "huge". What a bitch!

Here's a little tip for everyone: if you have diarrhea of the mouth then maybe you don't ever say anything to a pregnant person about their pregnancy. Even if you think it's a benign comment like "I can't believe that you don't have twins in there" just keep it to yourself. Because it's really never okay to even accidentally make a person feel bad for growing life. In fact, it's super douchey. Look, babies need their space and it's not like we can just rationalize with the fetus and say "Hey you, in there, can you slow down your growth so that my wench of a coworker won't give me the stink eye every time I chomp down on a 3 Musketeers bar."

So, stop being such douchebags and making rude comments to pregnant women.

The Baby Boomer Problem

2011-09-27T10:53:00.002-05:00

Recently, there were a couple of people that I worked with who retired. They were old balls. When each of them announced their retirement, I was surprised at how much pressure was put on me to attend happy hours for them and contribute to gifts. I didn't realize that I was obligated to give someone I barely knew money for retiring.

The first old ball to retire, a person took it upon themselves to collect money for a gift card to the old balls' favorite restaurant. I tried to back out of it, but the collector was persistent. I asked "How much are other people giving?" "$20" was the response. So, into my purse I went and produced a crisp and clean $20 bill. I couldn't help feeling bitter about it. I work hard and since I've started my job I've been denied a raise or even a yearly increase because of budget problems. However, many senior employees have been given those raises and yearly increases because they are unionized and can't be denied things like that. So, I'm supposed to give money to a person who makes more than I do, has been getting salary increases for the last 3 years even though I've been denied them and will be able to dip into social security (something that will likely be unavailable by the time I retire)? In the end, something like 15 people contributed $20 giving this particular retiree $300 to spend at their favorite restaurant. That seemed excessive.

When the second retirement came up, I was able to duck out of giving any money to the gift card, but I felt like a cheapskate. It's not that I couldn't afford the $20, but I just didn't want to spend $20 on this person. And I didn't really want to be pigeonholed as someone who would say "yes" every time a retirement came up. There are currently 3 people who I can see retiring in the next year, so if I gave to each of those retirements, I could spend $100 on people who I will never speak to again and I don't even really speak to now about anything other than office small talk.

Even though I felt like I was taking a good stand, I know my coworkers thought I was a parsimonious bastard. But I didn't care, I was $20 richer. What is the appropriate retirement office protocol? Do you just give up the money to save face, or is it acceptable to act like times are tight and you've got mouths to feed (or in my case jeans to buy)?

Please Don't Cancel Me

2011-09-23T10:46:00.002-05:00

Who has been watching television lately? The last couple of years there hasn't been many shows that I've been too curious about. This year, however, WOWZA. There was so much I wanted to watch. I'm hoping that none of my new favorites get cancelled. Here's what I've been watching...

The Real Housewives of New Jersey and Beverly Hills. This is my guilty pleasure. Both have been exceptionally good, although I'm getting a little tired of the NJ family drama. I just hope that they keep the same cast and don't do a shakeup like they recently did with RHONY. The BH season has also been good. BH is basically what I think the Real Housewives show is supposed to be about. I mean, those people are super, super, super rich. Except Kim, I have a feeling Kim's not that rich.

Ringer. I'm having a love/hate relationship with this show. The premiere was okay, the second episode was better. Plus it's got a lot of glitz. I'm hoping they don't give it the boots soon because I think it needs a few more episodes to pick itself up.

America's Next Top Model. Oh Lord. I love this show and the fact that they have brought back all of the has beens from past seasons is fabulous squared. The elimination was especially brilliant because these girls heads were so inflated that to watch them get the heave-ho left me in hysterics. I'm expecting a lot more of that.

Up All Night. I didn't love the first episode like I thought I would, but it showed glimmers of real hilarity. Maya Rudolph is basically playing Oprah Winfrey, so right there you've got me. This is another one that I'm hoping amps it up and doesn't get canned.

The Vampire Diaries. I love how this show isn't afraid to kill someone important for shock value. How many shows have this many main characters just die? Plus a million different things happen in each episode. So, the entertainment value is very high.

The Secret Circle. This was probably my favorite surprise so far. I thought it looked dumb in the previews, but had a premise that I would normally like. So, I was going to give it one episode. And it sold me. Teens who are powerful witches. Hook, line, sinker.

The Biggest Loser. How can you not love the tubs? In the premiere when all of the tubs ran back to greet the losing team of elderly tubs in Death Valley, I started crying. Plus, this is a show that you can basically fast forward on your tivo in the slowest mode and figure out exactly what is going on. First they are downtrodden and recap the pain of the last week, then they are inspired in their workout, then they have a challenge that reminds them to work as a team, then the weigh in where all you really need to see are the numbers. Then a tub is sent home.

Revenge. Holy Dynasty awesomeness. I really imagine that this show is what Dynasty and Dallas were in the 80's. Rich Hamptonites involved in murder, mystery, corporate shenanigans and affairs. I have had a rough week and watched the episode on my tivo last night. For those 42 minutes, I literally forgot all of my problems. Please watch, my heart can't take this one getting shitcanned.

I've got other shows lined up in my tivo queue that I haven't gotten around to yet. But Fall of 2011 is off to a good start. You'll find me on my couch until December when all the shows go into reruns for awhile!

How Do You Shop?

2011-09-20T16:05:00.002-05:00

Since getting a career job, I have had a hard time shopping. I can never figure out what I really need v. how much money I should spend v. what is going to help my self-esteem. The constant chatter in my head regarding what I was purchasing was enough to make me put everything down and run like hell the other way. Maybe it's the being an adult thing because I never really remember my mom buying that much stuff for herself when I was growing up. Now if you put her in a Talbots store she'll do a bizarre happy dance while singing "Free at Last, I'm Free at Last!"

Anyhow, shopping is a serious problem. I used to get so much joy out of going to the mall and now it is a real downer. I just don't know how to focus on what I need while still getting things that I like and are fun and frivolous!

How do other people do it? I know a girl who used to have the most fabulous clothes, all Prada, Givenchy, Dolce & Gabbana and other high end labels. She told me that she gave herself a twice yearly budget and would just buy a few really expensive pieces and that she mostly wore the same thing but in different combinations. Which seems awesome because she always looked so polished, but I just don't think that I could work under those constraints.

I would take any suggestions. I need a new black skirt for work and the thought of talking myself into buying one is overwhelming to me.

Soarin'

2011-09-15T11:23:00.002-05:00

This is not the greatest picture. Truth squad...on my last trip to Disneyworld my camera was in a bad place. I think it was getting old and the flash was kind of failing. So, I have a lot of blurry and dark pictures. I got a new and awesome camera for Christmas and was hoping that at some point this fall I would be back at WDW to take some new pics for the blog, but due to some unforeseeable circumstances, it looks like a trip to Florida will be delayed. So, until then I have to make due with my old, crappy pictures. Now that I've got that off my chest, let's review the ride!

Soarin' is a new addition to Epcot Center. I believe that this ride was first done at Disneyland's California Adventure and it was so popular that they installed it at the WDW. And I can totally see why. Soarin' is awesome.

First, let's talk about what is not awesome. The line. This is one of the worst and slowest moving lines ever. My best advice is to go straight to Soarin' when the park opens and get a fast pass. I have been there before when the fast passes for the day have all been distributed by noon, so you have to get one in the morning. The wait time is almost always posted at 60-90 minutes and they mean it. Plus, the line doesn't move once you are in it. You just stand in a holding area. One time, there was a little 5-year-old girl in a princess dress standing in line right in front of us. She kept saying she had to go to the bathroom and her mom kept telling her that they were not leaving the line because they had already been waiting 40 minutes. Finally when we were about to move up a bit, the girl whispered (loud enough so that I could hear) "I have pee coming down my leg." Parents, do not do this to your child.

Okay, I'm really getting off track. So, the ride. It's supposed to give you the feeling of being on a hang glider and going over some famous California landmarks. You go through some dessert areas, some rivers, orange groves, golf courses, ocean scenes and the like. And you actually feel like you are on a hang glider. I can't describe the feeling, but it's liberating. Plus, the scenery is so beautiful and real! When you are going over the ocean, you feel like you could dip your feetsies right in!

The end of the ride takes you to Disneyland's Main Street and you get to watch a fireworks show while gliding in the air. Soarin' is truly an experience not to be missed. Once you go on the ride, you can understand why the line is so ridiculously long all the time.

On a sidenote, on each "glider" there are three rows of people. If you can, try to get into the first row as then you don't have to look at people's ugly ass feet dangling in front of you the whole ride.

Soarin' is an instant favorite! 5/5 or 10/10 stars!

My Dog Reads My Blog

2011-09-12T14:05:00.002-05:00

Remember how a week or so ago, I wrote about wanting to get new pillows from the Missoni for Target collection. Even though I really wanted those pillows, internally I was all "I don't need the pillows." It was a true struggle.

Young Kirby, who loves to spend money as much as I do, helped me out this weekend. I think what happened was he read my blog and was all "I got your back mom". So, then he proceeded to do something really uncharacteristic and chew our current pillows up. Which prompted Mike to say to me, "I guess these have to go to the basement now." We put all of our crappy stuff in the basement.

Kirby didn't destroy the pillows. He just kind of chewed on a corner of it. I really think it was an act of love for his human mom. He's very kind like that. Internal struggle no more, now I need the pillows and tomorrow's the day to buy them.

The Beautiful and Damned

2011-09-08T13:12:00.002-05:00

I swear that last week I posted a review of this book, but I's be wrong. However, I don't have much motivation to re-review this book. What can I say? It was classic Fitzgerald; neurotic characters, tragic wealth, beautiful writing. Is that how you use a semicolon?

The hero of the story, Anthony, is a privileged brat. He's just waiting for his grandpa to kick it so he can take all his money. Then he meets Gloria, who is an even bigger brat. So, she decides to marry him and wait with him for the old geezer to croak. And she's got a mad spending problem. She's also incredibly vain.

You can see where this is going. They don't get the money. Woe is me ensues. My favorite part of the book is how Gloria is really obsessed with people being obsessed with her. So, she strings along this film executive, Bloeckman. Everytime he asks her to try out for the "talkies", (they actually don't call them "talkies", but I love calling old movies "talkies" like I walked straight out of the Roaring 20's) she declines. Fitzgerald perfectly writes that girl. You know her. The one who thrives on being told that she's perfect and beautiful and everything that people have ever wanted. I think today we call them contestants on The Bachelor.

Anyhow, the best is when Gloria finally realizes that she actually has to make some money and so goes to Bloeckman to try out for the talkies and she bombs. And they tell her she looks too old. It's awesome. You can hear the air whizzing right out of that big, old ego of hers.

I liked the book, but got tired of it at the end. That's what tragic wealth does to you. 4/5 or 7/10 stars.

Things I'm Excited For - Fall Edition

2011-09-07T09:24:00.003-05:00

I will be enjoying lots of things before Winter 2011/2012. Here's what they are:

Fall Movie Season. During Fall, movies are typically at their finest. There's actually not a ton that I'm excited about this fall. Leonardo has a new one (J. Edgar), Breaking Dawn of course. Even if nothing new comes out, there's plenty that I missed this summer that is sure to be playing at the Riverview. You really can't beat $2 tickets and real buttered popcorn.

Fall TV. My Tivo is already stocked up and I can't wait until next week when the new shows come out. Which ones is everyone else watching?

The Lion King 3D! For two weeks Disney's movie The Lion King will be out in 3D. How awesome is that? The fun begins September 16.

The Target Missoni collection. I've already blogged about this. Those pillows are mine starting September 13.

Apple picking, pumpking carving and leave viewing. The colors, the smells, the decorating. Even though I don't love Fall like others do, I still appreciate the things it has to offer. There is no other season that has such a feeling associated with it as Fall does.

Gardening. Now that I have space to garden, I've gotten into it. This fall I will be expanding my tulip garden, planting some daffodils and irises and adorning the front of the house with gorgeous fall flowers.

Omnitheater. I know that I'm always going on about stuff at The Science Museum, but it's my favorite. September 22 brings a new omnitheater movie, Amazon.

Twin Cities Marathon. Hell no, I do not run this. But, I usually like to support those that do. Plus, I love seeing shirts soaked with blood from chaffed nipples.

Sports. Mike loves watching football. I don't really love it, but I do love cooking and Mike always has people over for the games, which means I get to cook for multiple people. So, I guess I can support it. Plus, the Wild will be back. So, maybe I'll sneak a couple of games in this Fall.

Long, crisp walks. Kirby has gotten to be a much better walker. Lately we've been able to take him on lake walks and nature walks and he has loved it. I'm looking forward to much more this fall.

The nights are already getting much cooler and I'm grabbing for my sweater more often. I can't say I'm loving it, but you can definitely sense that change in the air and maybe it was needed. Even though I rebel against it, change is always a good thing.

Last Chance Summer

2011-08-31T13:27:00.003-05:00

Today is the last day of summer. Not technically according to the calendar, but in my book it's the last day. Sadness ensues. Even though I love fall, I abhor winter. Fall is too close to winter to ever get really excited about it.

However, I will relish the things that I did accomplish this summer of 2011. Here are some highlights.

1. Accomplishing my goal of reading 5 books this summer and then blowing it out of the water by reading 8. That's right 8! Booyah. I think my favorite was Under the Banner of Heaven.
2. I went to some great concerts. David Gray, Ray LaMontagne and U2. All outdoors.
3. I turned 30. Which actually sucks, but I'm looking at the positive.
4. Went to some of my favorite restaurants. Forepaugh's, WA Frost, Sea Salt, Barbette...just to name a few.
5. Celebrated some very cute new arrivals. Three good friends had adorable little babies. I can't wait to spend more time with the little ones!
6. Spent some great time with friends at birthday parties, baby showers, backyard BBQ's and lawn game nights. I know these will continue into fall, but it won't be the same as the summer nights.
7. A short trip to Cleveland got me one state closer to my goal of stepping foot in all 50 states as well as one monument closer to seeing over half of the Thousand Places to See Before You Die.
8. Went on a fun day trip to the MN Landscape Arboretum with my mom.
9. Went on plenty of long walks with Kirby.

Still, as this weather cools down, I always get a little bit down. I'll miss you summertime. Until we meet again next year. XOXO!

Random Acts of Douchebaggery

2011-08-30T15:31:00.003-05:00

Good sushi is hard to come by. So are good sushi restaurants. I'm sure there's going to be a bunch of people who are like "What?! No! This sushi place is the best." But, you would be wrong. Sushi restaurants are on my list of repeat douche offenders. Here's why...

I'm sick of sushi rolls being so large that there is no respectable way to eat them in one bite. I'm not really big into the nigiri or the sashimi, I prefer eating my raw fish with plenty of other tastes surrounding it. If I wanted to bite into raw salmon or tuna, I'd just order a piece of it. I would say 90% of sushi places go with the assumption that bigger is better and create a roll that could be used as a wheel on a children's tricycle. I'm sorry, but is Hagrid the half giant dining at your establishment? Or who is coming in here that can down that shit in one bite?

Another pet peeve is the drink situation. Wasabi and soy sauce are not good combinations for a parched mouth. That means the waitresses might have to ear their tips by at the very least refilling my water glass. You see, tips are earned peeps. Empty glasses = no dough.

And let's talk about the wait. Are actually rolling the sushi in Japan and that's why it takes over an hour to get to my table? Since I actually see the sushi chefs working at the sushi bar, I'm assuming that is in fact not the case. So, I'll just give them a little tip. The fish doesn't get fresher the longer it waits to jump into those rolls. Perhaps you could speed it up a bit.

My last complaint is about the current overuse of fish eggs. I normally don't mind them. You barely notice that it's there and the orange and green vibrancy gives the sushi a pop of color. However, I seem to notice a trend lately where the fish eggs are just piled on top of the roll. Not a good taste, not a good texture and it makes me want to puke. The only thing worse than raw fish is raw fish mixed with vomit. Just saying.

There is no sushi restaurant that I've been to that doesn't violate at least one of these things. Shape up assholes, you've been RAD'd.

You Know You're Old When...

2011-08-25T15:45:00.003-05:00

...10:00 P.M. rolls around and all you can think about is sleeping.

For the last few years I've been fighting this. However, I've recently realized that I can't fight it anymore. I'm old and 10:00 is my bedtime.

I should start this off by saying that I have always been someone that can thrive on a small amount of sleep. Sure I'd love to get more, but I don't need it. That being said, I used to be a night owl. In my teens and early twenties, I would consistently get a burst of energy around 11:00 P.M. and thrive on the nightlife. Whether it was dancing, studying, movie-watching, cooking, partying, I could be energetic doing it.

Then my late twenties rolled around and suddenly it was all "If I am staying out past midnight, I need to be drinking things with diet coke in them." It was literally like once 27.5 hit me, my night owl days (ha...oxymoron) were done for. I was officially a loser.

Now that I'm 30, I'm owning it. At 10:00 P.M. I am effing tired and I want to go to bed. Since society tells me that I'm totally old and lame, I'm just going to do it and not feel shame. Luckily I really lived it up in my early to mid-twenties.

To all those of you under 27, listen to your elders. Enjoy those moments in between 10:00 P.M. and 5:00 A.M. when you can be awake and lively...they don't last forever. One day you will wake up and realize that you can no longer enjoy ice cream because a moment on the lips means a lifetime on your fupa and that the most exciting thing you can do on a Friday night is get buzzed on 3 glasses of wine and fall asleep watching Problem Child 2 on your netflix instant queue while your dog humps his face on your couch. Sound pathetic, well, welcome to your thirties.

Please Get in My House

2011-08-24T10:46:00.003-05:00

Have you all heard about the Target Missoni collaboration taking place this fall? That's pretty big. I love Target, LOVE IT. Mike says it's my favorite place in the world and he's right. Where else can you get a wedding gift, new baby gift, DVD, tampons and chicken all in the same place? Plus, how much cheaper are Target's groceries??? It's amazeballs.

Anyhow, I just glanced through the lookbook for the Missoni for Target collection and it's pretty fabulous. The clothes are very Missoni. I don't know that Missoni clothes are really my thing. I love looking at them, but I'm not a pattern wearer. However, the home accessories in the line are unreal. They are so me.

And I need that pillow on the right. I need it bad. Mike will hate it. He doesn't like pillows with things on them and there's a lot of hot pink going on. But this pillow needs to be in my house. And not hidden on a chair in a room where no one goes. This pillow needs to be displayed. But displayed in a place where Kirby can't reach because he will love it. He won't love it in the way that I love it. Kirby will love it because he thinks it will taste good.

Dog Days

2011-08-24T09:16:00.003-05:00

No, this is not another post about my dog. But I couldn't resist the picture. And just for the record, this is my dog sleeping. Sometimes he sleeps with his legs in the air. I don't ask questions.

Anyhow, I'm talking about the dog days of summer. They are here. Summer was off to a really slow start this year. June never really took off, then July was steamy and now August has been so pleasant. Yet, here we are with the nights getting a little more crisp and the sun going down far too early.

I didn't take advantage of this summer. Does anyone else feel like this? Before the summer even started, most of my weekends had at least one big event scheduled on them. I had fun at all of these events, but it also left me unable to have a weekend where I do nothing but enjoy the summer. There was always something that had to be done. I was just looking at my calendar for the fall and realized that aside from a vacation, I have nothing on the books. NOTHING. It's glorious. I just hope the weather holds out so I can enjoy it.

Enjoy the dog days everyone. I think the fall has a lot in store!

Fruits of My Labor

2011-08-19T13:48:00.003-05:00

Has it occurred to anyone else that summer is over. There's only two more weekends of summer and technically I don't count Labor Day Weekend because that's September and gosh darnit, September ain't the summertime.

This summer I grew things. It was the first year that I had my very own area to garden with. I had a basil plant, a mint plant, a rosemary plant, banana peppers, jalapenos and green peppers. Plus there are several raspberry bushes that I saved from a wild axeman last summer. The raspberries have been lackluster, but it just got all of it's fall buds on it, so I'm hoping the fall berries are better.

Anyhow, we were plum full of peppers this summer, so I'm calling me a gardening genius. I literally have not had to buy a hot pepper all summer which is saying something because we cook hot peppers in everything. I also have not had to buy any basil, which is another huge lifesaver. Basil is so expensive and I haven't had to buy any since May.

The green peppers never came in, which is really weird since the other pepper plants thrived.

I'm already planning a larger garden for next year with tomatoes, green beans, more peppers and more herbs. You know it's the end of summer when you are already planning activities for next summer.

Flights of Wonder

2011-08-09T09:18:00.004-05:00

Flights of Wonder isn't a ride, but a bird show at the Animal Kingdom. I know what you are thinking. A bird show? WTF? I do not want to go to a bird show. And I never really do either, but then I get there and I laugh hysterically at all of the jokes about birds pooping on you, so I guess I really like bird shows. And jokes about poop.

This bird show is actually pretty neat. There's a lot of gags and actually quite a few birds. I'm not really a bird person, but I don't mind seeing a parrot like the one above on occasion. One thing that I hate about the show is that a lot of birds fly around the audience area and they tell you in the show that the birds are trained to hover over the audience members heads, so if you duck, they only fly lower. It freaks me out. They literally fly right at your head. Yes, Napoleon, they have large talons. And what if they had to poop???

But, no one worries about the pooping. They are too busy oohhing and aahhing over the damn birds. I am worried about birds crapping on me, so it's hard for me to relax during the show.

One thing I have noticed is that kids really love Flights of Wonder. I guess they don't know about birds defecating on your head either.

At the end of the show, they do something really neat and bring out the grand poobah, a real bald eagle! Can you hear the fanfares? It is actually spectacular. You never get to see a bald eagle up close and they are so regal looking and beautiful. The best is that the last time we were at the show, the bald eagle was crapping all over the place. America, here's our symbol of freedom!

Despite all of my anxiety, I really love this show. They have it various times throughout the day, so you can pick your time and cop a squat out of the heat to watch birds fly around and not crap on you. It's brilliant. 4/5 or 7/10 stars.

Revelations

2011-08-08T08:47:00.002-05:00

Confession time. I have never been confronted by a Jehovah's Witness. Which I feel really lucky about. Although, at my first job out of college I worked with someone who was an actual Jehovah's Witness. She was really fun except you were told to never talk to her about birthdays. She also never participated in the Christmas activities even though we called them holiday parties. She did, however, always accept the Christmas bonus check.

I feel like my time to be confronted by a Jehovah's Witness is coming close. A few months ago I was accosted by some LDSers (that's Mormon's for those of you not in the loop) while walking Ramsey. It was raining and these three girls on bikes rode up to me and surrounded me and asked me questions about my faith and what I knew about the Church of Latter Day Saints. They kept handing me pamphlets and they were not giving up. I finally had to say I'm a Catholic and that's not changing and then push my way through their bicycle blockade.

Right now I'm reading the book Under the Banner of Heaven and I wish that I had the knowledge of the LDS church back then. Because when they asked me the question: "What do you know about the Church of Latter Day Saints?" I could have opened up a litany about all of the things that I knew. I'll be prepared next time.

Then last week, I went home at lunchtime to let Kirby out and found this flyer stuck in the door. I love how the flyer is all fire and brimstone that us dumb, non Jehovah's humans are going to ruin this earth and then says "You are warmly invited to come and listen to the answer."

Gee, thanks! I'm glad that you won't tar and feather me at the door. You'll just damn me to hell for not joining your church. Which is an awesome way to welcome somebody. When these people next come to my door and I'm there, I'm going to allow Kirby to have his way. A 65-pound puppy who can jump up on a large male adult and look them square in the eye while humping their leg is the best way to say "Get the eff off of my property" without actually saying it. Don't you agree?

Things I Don't Understand: Hollister Models

2011-08-04T09:04:00.005-05:00

Has anyone ever walked by the Hollister store at the mall and been totally icked out by the 14-year-old half naked models they have just standing at the store front. I mean totally ICKED OUT. Like, so icked out that you have a need to avert your eyes and run the other direction so that Paul Blart doesn't come arrest you for being a pedo.

Hollister is something I will never really get. It's beyond my time. Let's just get that out there. Hollister is the poor teen's Abercrombie and Abercrombie has been in hot water for their racy ads since my heyday. So, I do kind of get the ads. Sex sells. And whether we like it or not, teens want to be sexy.

However, I was totally horrified by Hollister's decision to put young kids out in front of their stores in their bathing suits. Now, I'm all for sexy ads, but this crosses a line. How easy do we need to make it for pedophiles? Maybe Hollister should just serve teens up on silver platters to the creeps who get their kicks from looking at half naked kids.

I don't think I'm being preachy or old either. I was so uncomfortable walking past that store. The boy who was out there modeling could not have been more than 16. And he was shirtless and in short, tight swimming trunks. And he was just standing there like a piece of meat while older people were trying to look away.

I have seen this happen twice since that first horrific encounter. All of the times, I noticed that there was no one going into the store or even near the store who wasn't 18 or younger. So, maybe that's the goal. It's like old people repellent. Just stick an almost naked teenager on your store front and the respectable old people will go running. But, I guarantee that there's some questionable older people who aren't running and are instead taking mental photographs to use in ways that we do not want to know about.

Plus, it creeps me out. I don't go to the mall to be creeped out. So, please, Hollister, put the pre-pubescent kids back inside the store and let them learn how to make a dollar the old-fashioned way...in clothes.

The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest

2011-08-03T10:08:00.004-05:00

I think this book was a case of Stieg Larsson didn't finish editing before he mysteriously died and the publisher decided that instead of finishing the editing job, he'd just let it go. Mistake.

I flew through the first two books in this series and then got to this one last December and it was snore city. I'm not kidding you. I slogged through the first 200 pages wondering "WTF?!" It was boring. Salander's in the hospital doing almost nothing, then there's this subplot of Berger getting a new job and "The Section" is trying to cover their arses and it just went on and on. Who cares! Some of it was interesting, but for the most part, I would read 20 pages and fall asleep. It didn't keep my interest like the other books.

The book does pick up speed after Salander's trial when she goes hunting for her half-brother and finds him in that creepy old factory. I won't go into it more, but the beginning of this book is a goose egg and the end is good. So, maybe just read the end. However, the thing that I hate about the series is that there are many loose ends that they don't really tie up. Remember all of that stuff at the beginning of The Girl Who Played with Fire where Salander is in the Caribbean (or is it the Bahamas). What happened to that storyline? Or at the end of this book they opened up this can of worms that is Salander's twin sister and it appears that we will never know the ending of that one. Who is Camilla and what's this bad blood she has with her twin?

So, I really hope that they end up being able to ghostwrite the rest of the books that were meant to be in this series. And I hope they tie up the loose ends. And I hope they stop Larsson's annoying habit of making the first 100 pages of all of his books be about things that are not actually related to the story.

On a side note, have you seen the trailers for the Hollywood movie version of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo? Because the trailers look awesome. Let's hope the rest of the movie is awesome.

August is a Favorite

2011-07-29T15:37:00.003-05:00

August has always been a favorite of mine. I love that it starts out all hot and sticky and by the end you are getting some Indian Summers in. Is that phrase even socially acceptable? Or is it taboo? Anyhow, I love those summery nights where the day is blazing but in the evening you are reminded that fall is coming soon. Here are some things I am excited for this August:

Harry Potter. I will finally see it! Yay!

Vacation. I'm going to the great city of Cleveland. Not so fancy, but I think it will be fun. Not so great will be leaving my little Kirbino for the first time.

Laying/Reading in My Hammock. I got a hammock for my birthday, but it's been so hot that I haven't been in it a ton. August will change that.

Raspberries. There are a few raspberry bushes in the backyard and some early raspberries have already come, but there are a bunch more that should be ready soon. I love raspberries right from the bushes!

Mikey's Birthday. Mike will finally be as old as me.

Babies. I have one friend who just gave birth and two other friends who are due in August. I love new little babies and can't wait to meet the new bambinos.

Back to School. I haven't been part of the back to school rage in quite a long time, but I always love this time of year. I love the commercials, the store displays, that harried fever in the air at the end of the month.

I can't believe that it's August already. I'm hoping for a warm fall because I'm definitely nowhere near ready to let go of these warm temperatures.

Mad Love for Norway

2011-07-28T11:50:00.003-05:00

I heart Norway. I really, really love it. I studied abroad there during the summer of two thousand and something (I'm not even looking into it because I don't want to be reminded of how old I am) and fell hard for the amazing harbor city. The people were friendly and kind, the cities were clean and beautiful and you cannot beat the Norwegian landscape. My trip to Norway came with several unreal stories. I was going on a study abroad trip where I knew no one and was traveling alone much of the time, so I have quite a few great stories to share. Maybe one day they will all get posted, but for now, a quick little anecdote for you.

During my stay in Norway, I became obsessed with this ice cream shop called Movenpick. Apparently it's Swiss, but the ice cream was insanely good. Everything in Norway was ridiculously expensive and Movenpick was a delicacy I allowed myself almost everyday. I loved this stuff. Google it and just look at the flavors. You can't get this at the DQ.

On my last night in Oslo, I was strolling back from the harbor to my hotel and thought, I really need to stop there one last time. I went in and saw the same 60-year-old man standing behind the counter. That guy was so sweet and in there every time I went in. He loved speaking English with me, so we had had a few conversations during my stay.

I was telling him it was my last night and we were chatting about my time there. As I was telling him how sad I was to be having my last Movenpick, I was also trying to grab my wallet out of my huge and overstuffed purse. I wasn't paying attention and was really fumbling to get it out. When it finally freed itself from the leather beast that was holding it back, the wallet came with a tampon. A tampon was stuck inside the flap. As I pulled up on the wallet, I notice the tampon sort of dangling there taunting me "I'm going to really embarrass you tonight". Then the tampon goes flying. It went over the counter and right at the feet of the poor old man sales clerk.

So, what did I do. I put my kroner on the table and got the hell out of there. I acted like nothing had happened. Which is what you should do when you throw a tampon at an old man.

Toilet Talk

2011-07-15T14:19:00.002-05:00

Is there anything more funny than bathroom humor? I think not. But seriously, I have a fear of public restrooms. I hate them. Sometimes this fear will cause me to hold it even when I really, really have to go. That is not healthy for me. I've learned that the hard way. One time, in high school, I was at a retreat and a friend and I went into the bathroom together. After she was finished, I asked her to leave the restroom so I could go in peace. I'm that weird about public restrooms.

Although, I'm not as weird as my coworkers. At my work, in the employee bathrooms, there are several large cans of Lysol spray. And my coworkers use them liberally. Every time you walk into the bathroom you're hit with a whiff of just sprayed Lysol Mountain Breeze, which, in my opinion, smells worse than ass. Honestly, it smells like rotting, burning wood. Plus, who walks into a bathroom expecting it to smell like roses? Clearly my coworkers are aware of what people do in there (hence the constant spraying of Lysol), so are they that surprised when they walk into the can and it smells like shit? It's not like it's an outhouse where the poop is just sitting there rotting and fermenting. This is a sanitary bathroom. When people drop a deuce it's just flushed right down the toilet and usually the smell subsides in a minute or two. These people need to chill out.

Anyhow, the real story that I was going to tell you was that I walked in on someone in a public restroom the other day. So funny and so embarrassing at the same time. I was out to dinner with girlfriends and I had a glass of Prosecco and 3 glasses of water. I had to go, badly. There was only one unisex restroom, so I did what I always do and tested the handle before barging in. I felt that it was unlocked and so flung the door open and started walking in when I heard a voice. I looked over and there was this girl sitting on the toilet. It took me a minute to register, so I was definitely standing half in the bathroom for a good 30 seconds before I bolted out. I almost forgot to shut the door behind me.

Then I stood outside the bathroom door wondering if my need to go to the bathroom was worth the embarrassment of me standing there until the girl was finished. The answer was no. I just ran back to the table. Because what else can you do? This incident, by the way, will not help my fear of public restrooms.

Can I Handle It?

2011-07-14T09:15:00.003-05:00

Unless you've been living under a rock, you probably know that the last Harry Potter movie premieres tomorrow. Cue the tears. Wait...are you not crying? Because anytime I have seen a preview for the last Harry Potter movie, I have started crying. And I've gotten the chills. I've actually avoided watching previews because the tears and chills are that bad. Kids, this is a problem. Michael actually said to me the other day "I'm just not sure that you can handle this."

He's right. I don't deal well with change and things ending. And I have a rusty faucet in my eyes that once turned on, is difficult to shut off. Add that to the fact that the previews for this movie look so intense and the fact that I just read the wikipedia article on the last Harry Potter book to remind myself of what happens and I started weeping. Openly. At work. I had to go to the restroom to compose myself. So, again, while I really want to go to this movie, I might not be ready for it.

I don't remember it being this bad with reading the last book. That might be because I always knew I'd have the movie to look forward to, but it also might be the timing of when the last book came out.
The last Harry Potter book was released a week before I took the Minnesota Bar Exam. To say I was stressed is an understatement. The day the book came out, I went to the local Barnes and Noble to purchase it. I propped the book up on my desk as a little incentive for studying. It kept singing to me, just study one more week and then you can read me! So, that's what I did. I studied for a week, took the test, then hibernated for a few days. During that hibernation, I read the final Harry Potter and haven't touched it since. I think the main reason why I got through it was because the test had left me so defeated that the book didn't seem that emotionally draining.

But here I am four years later with a fairly emotional stress-lite life and wondering if I can cope with a movie about magical wizards killing each other. I'm thinking that I probably can't, but I'm going to try anyways.

The Backlot Tour

2011-07-11T11:32:00.002-05:00

The Backlot Tour is one of those rides at "Hollywood Studios" that has really evolved over time. It used to be so much more awesome, but also a lot longer. Now it feels a little bit like a bus tour that they are rushing to get finished with because the bus driver has to go to the bathroom.

Anyhow, the backlot tour begins with a audience involved demonstration of how movies do special effects. They reenact a scene with gunfire and explosives and things catching on fire to show you how everything in movies is fake. I always love this part because the audience participants get soaked and they always act like they didn't expect it. It's a real "aw shucks" moment.

Once the demonstration is over you are moved through this props warehouse to get to a bus. It used to be that you would wait in this line for a long time, which kind of sucked, but also gave you a lot of time to look at the props. Now you've got a hot poker to your ass and have to move through the props room at a quick pace. Which is a shame because some of the props are actually really neat. I've seen people step aside at this point to actually take time to enjoy the movie props, so if you don't get super competitive about Disney lines and getting to the front the fastest, this is an option for you. I have a fanatical Disney line competitive streak, so I would never do this.

Anyhow, after the props warehouse, you are loaded onto a "moving tram" that will take you to Catastrophe Canyon. I won't give away the big surprise in Catastrophe Canyon because that is the one part of the tour that is really neat.

However, the tram ride totally blows now. They used to take you through all of these neat areas where you could see costumes being made or movie/tv sets actually being filmed. They also took you to this area where they had famous tv houses set up. The most famous being the Golden Girls house. It was a really nice and relaxing bus ride. It also gave you a good chance to get off of your feet for awhile.

Now the tram zips you into the canyon and through a costume/props department and then you are done. Wham, Bam, Thank You Mam. Really, they have taken all of the romance out of the ride.

So, 2/5 or 4/10 stars. If you are on a quick trip, I'd say this is one that could be missed.

Things I Don't Understand: twitter hashtags

2011-07-08T13:05:00.002-05:00

I was just having a conversation with Grace about how I find twitter to not be user friendly. I still haven't figured out how you post something to someone else. So, I'm sort of a twitter idiot. However, I use it to follow other people, so I still read a lot of people's twitter pages. Mostly for comedy.

Awhile back, I started noticing these stupid "hashtags" where some dope would write "I'm eating a sammy #hungry #Subway". How annoying is that? I quickly learned that there is a hashtag for everything. For instance, you can hashtag a television show, a state, a person, an adjective, a restaurant, a feeling. You can even hashtag sounds. The most popular (and annoying) being #wah.

So, not only can we tell the world what asinine and pointless thing we are doing at that very moment, we can now also link them all together through totally made up and useless hashtags. To show my readers how stupid these things are, I've decided to come up with my potential twitter posts and hashtags. #Enjoy!

I'm posting to twitter while sitting on the toilet! #stinky #makemycoworkersuncomfortable #colonhealth

I just got hit by a car while walking and tweeting. #ouch #WAH #goingtohospital #thatwillleaveamark

I'm so depressed I just ate 50 doughnuts. #fattie #nofriends #WAH #iamugly #cryingoutforhelp #ineedahug

Just spent tons of money while shopping at Saks. #ishopcauseimrich #glamorous #helpingtheeconomy #imhot

I just spotted an alien abducting my neighbor's cat. #forrealz #imnotdrunk #ihatecats #myneighborhoodisscary #area51

Someone brought a really ugly baby to church. #afaceonlyamothercouldlove #woof #offensive

I could go on and on with these, but I won't. You can see how stupid they are just by looking at them. I have great fear for the young people of America.

Super Sad True Love Story

2011-07-06T09:32:00.003-05:00

I bought this book solely because I loved the cover. Some books will do that to me. I knew nothing about it and just dove in head first. This book is scary because I think it's a very real depiction of what America will be like in 50 years (or less).

I know I've talked about this book before on the blog, but let me reiterate a few things. The hero of the story is an ordinary guy living in America. And he reads...classics...which is very unhip in the future. You see, the future in this story has everyone obsessed with an online program that allows you to post everything that you are feeling and tell friends and strangers where you are at that exact moment. The future also has these devices that you wear around your neck allowing you to be linked in at every possible moment and also scanned for how hot you are and what your credit rating is. It's freaky because I can totally see this happening (or in some cases already see it happening).

Anyhow, this ordinary dum-dum falls for a vain, materialistic girl who loves only to spend money. She spends money on things called Onion Skin Jeans, which are translucent pants. Anyhow, the ordinary guy will do anything for this girl even though she treats him like crap. Then she falls for the dum-dum's boss, who is actually this really old dude who is obsessed with youth and basically has some Benjamin Buttons reverse aging shit going on. That guy creeped me out. And the book always mentions that the guy smelled like preservation. Gross.

Then America basically falls apart due to an economic collapse. It's all very freaky and sad and people are dying and the dum-dum realizes that this young girl isn't all she's cracked up to be.

I thought the book was really good. It was both funny and sad and walked that fine line of being satirical without being preachy. However, I didn't love the characters. The shopaholic girl was just a little bit too annoying for me. Even at the end when she redeems herself a little bit, I still thought she was the most obnoxious person I've ever read. So, I could have done without that.

So, 4/5 or 8/10 stars.

Government Shutdown-itis and Random Acts of Douchebaggery

2011-07-05T10:21:00.006-05:00

While many people across America were celebrating their freedom and liberty this weekend, Minnesota government was shut down. Yes, that's right, Minnesota currently has no budget in place due to a Democrat governor and Republican legislature not being able to play nice with each other. Therefore, any government service deemed nonessential is shutdown and thousands of works have been temporarily laid off. God Bless America.

This shutdown has made me angry on many levels. First is this ridiculous need to support one party or the other. People, listen to me, these politicians should not be supported. There is no need to join the facebook page to support Governor Mark Dayton. He's as much at fault as the Republicans are. What we should be supporting is resolving this bipartisan standoff. I have a right to renew my driver's license, visit the nearest reststop for an emergency bathroom break and go to a state park. That right is being violated by petty politics. Supporting one party and criticizing another is not helping this situation. All of these politicians are to blame and I'm really hoping that they feel it in the next elections.

Second thing that I'm spitting tacks about is the fact that these assclowns didn't work on the shutdown one bit this weekend. The public was told that it was because both sides needed to relax and rejuvenate over the weekend. Cut the shit. They wanted to go up to their lakehomes and enjoy the municipality fireworks. I guarantee you that if these douches were forced to work this weekend, the matter would have been resolved by Saturday at the latest. Nothing motivates state employees more than the threat of having to work on a holiday. NOTHING! If they had been forced to work and had come to a resolution, then people would be back to their jobs today and all state government services would be restored. As it is right now, we are several days away from a resolution. It's really not fair to the people of this state.

So, I'm pissed. And I'm one of the essential government employees. Let's hope that the lawmakers get it through their heads that they have a job to do and not getting that job done will cost them their seat.

Horribly Awesome Travel Story

2011-06-27T16:10:00.000-05:00

A few years ago, my mom and I were setting off on a winter vacation to Maui, HI. The flight plan consisted of two stops, one in Los Angeles and one in Honolulu, both times we would have to get off the plane, however, we didn't ever switch planes.

When we arrived in Honolulu, we had been travelling all day, were exhausted and completely sick of being on a plane. Honolulu was the final destination for a majority of people on the flight. Luckily, the layover was only supposed to be 1 hour. My mom and I decided that instead of walking around the terminal, we were going to park our asses in the seats right outside the gate. We just wanted to get to Maui.

There were only 20 people who would be getting back on the plane to Maui. They were all sort of milling about in the gate area. After awhile of waiting, they announced that there was a mechanical problem and the plane would be taking off later than scheduled.

My mom went up to the gate agent and asked if there was an estimated time for take off. The guy said "At least two hours." So, we left the gate area, went to the closest restroom and then went to an outdoor walkway to breathe in the fresh Hawaiian air. Standing in the walkway, we could see our plane. It looked so majestic and regal. As we were standing there we noticed people walking around on the plane. "DID THEY LET PEOPLE BACK ON THE PLANE?" My mom exclaimed.

The two of us ran around the corner to the gate. It was empty. Totally and utterly deserted. "Where the hell is everyone!!!" We both declared. It was impossible that they had boarded the plane. We had been gone for less than 30 minutes and we were no further than 20 feet away from the gate at all times. Plus, they told us that it would be two hours before the plane took off.

A gate agent came out of the gateway. "Is that plane taking off?" my mom asked the woman. "Yes." She casually replied. "WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON THAT PLANE." My mom stated. "Oh are you the Smith's?" (ed. note, my name is changed because I don't trust internet creeps). Then the woman started lecturing us that they were paging us for the last 20 minutes and because they didn't hear from us, they took our luggage off of the plane.

No amount of pleading would work with this woman. She kept telling us it was too late and we would have to try to get a flight the next morning. Finally we saw the asshole who told us it would be 2 hours before the plane took off coming out of the gateway...and he looked guilty. Then he started pleading with the woman. After they talked amongst themselves for five minutes, the woman told him he could do what he wanted, but she wasn't involved. This is when the story gets awesome. The guy tells us he can get us on the plane, but we have to run.

So, there we are running down the gateway towards the airplane. After arriving at the end of the gateway we realize that the gateway is no longer attached to the airplane. What was this guy expecting us to do? Jump onto the airplane.

As we are standing at the end of the gateway, the guy mans the controls and starts moving the gateway towards the little doorway of the airplane. Once it gets there, he begins to knock on the window. Yes, that's right, he was knocking on the window. We see the flight attendant's face look out confusedly and that's when the gate agent starts shouting "OPEN THE DOOR! OPEN THE DOOR"

If we weren't embarrassed before, we were very embarrassed now. It got worse when the attendant opens the door and asks what's going on and the gate agent tells him "These ladies almost missed the plane." I can't speak for my mom, but I wanted to die.

We got on the plane and all 20 people were staring at us like "WTF, you idiots." We shrank into the first available seats and my mom said that we should probably just be silent for the 50 minute flight into Maui.

Isn't that a horribly awesome story?! I actually felt a little bit like a rockstar stopping the flight from leaving the gate and then having them allow me onto the plane after they had already read all of the safety instructions. Plus, I was wearing this jacket:

You cannot do anything incognito in this jacket. The flight attendant actually said to me as we were walking onto the plane "Oh, it's you, I was wondering where you and that jacket went." 50 minutes later we had landed in Maui and spent the entire drive to our hotel laughing our asses off about what had just happened.

Me On: Training A Puppy

2011-06-17T15:50:00.003-05:00

A few months ago, Michael and I got a puppy. I knew a little bit about training a puppy and still felt under prepared for the task we took on. I'm hoping these tips will help anyone out there thinking about purchasing an adorable little rascal like the one above.

Research the breed. You might want to do this before, especially if you have specific things you want or things you don't want. I don't think you have to, though. I do think researching the breed after you get the little pup is important so that you can have a better understanding of what their strengths and weaknesses are and also what kind of care they need.

Puppy proof an isolation area. We didn't do this right away. When we were gone, Kirby was in his kennel, but when we were home, Kirby was roaming free. Purchasing a baby gate and giving Kirby an isolation area saved us. You see, puppies, much like babies, act up when they are overly tired. When their behavior gets so bad that you can't stand it anymore, put them in the isolation, put up the baby gate, grab a stiff drink and ignore them.

Establish a schedule. The minute Kirby stepped foot in our house, he was on a schedule. I think this helps the puppies get some structure to their day so they know when to nap, when to poop, when to play, when to eat.

Sign up for a training class. I can honestly say that I don't know what I would have done without Kirby's training classes. And I kind of knew how to train him. The best part about the training classes are that they really tire the dog out, so you get this awesome hour of training and then you get a sleeping dog.

Work on training everyday. This might sound like overkill, but once we started the training classes, we did at least two 15-minute training sessions at home everyday. Anytime Kirby would start really acting up, we would go get a handful of his kibble and do some training. After doing this for a few weeks, we were able to do less training, but in the first few weeks of having him at home, the training worked to both teach the dog that he had to do what we told him and also gave us some peace of mind that the dog could actually be trained.

Make your own dog toys. Dog toys are expensive and a lot of dogs can chew through them quickly. A friend had gotten a puppy a few weeks before we got Kirby and she told me about several different DIY dog toys. It was a real money saver and Kirby liked the homemade toys better than the store bought ones. For us, the best was the empty plastic water bottle. Although we had to put the bottle in a sock because Kirby is terrified of plastic. That's not a joke. He is terrified of plastic items.

Take time away from the dog. I have a hard time with this one. But, I remind myself that dogs don't need constant attention and toilets won't clean themselves. I have a lot of guilt that I work during the day and Kirby has to be alone that whole time. I often tried to overcompensate by never putting him in isolation when we were home. That only left me tired and frustrated. It's always healthy to take some time away from the dog. They honestly won't remember it. They are noodle heads.

Kirby has been so much fun and so frustrating at the same time. The other night I had gotten really mad at him for nipping me too hard when we were playing. I put him in isolation. When I let him and went back to sit on the couch, Kirby jumped up next to me and laid down with his head in my lap and fell asleep cuddled against me. He's sweet like that and it melts away all of his annoying little habits.

Fashion Files: Offensive Footwear

2011-06-16T15:44:00.003-05:00

I think I've made it pretty clear on this blog how I feel about Crocs. In case you are a new reader, I'll break it down. I think Crocs are the creation of Satan. You know how people talk about world dictators and they always say "You think that dictator is bad, you should meet his son." World dictators always have crazier sons...ALWAYS.

Anyhow, so if Satan made the Croc, then his crazier son made the above shoe. And yes, people, that is a shoe that someone was wearing out in public. I know you can't see the person's face, but you can tell that he's an assclown by his shoes. Because who would wear those.

Does he have an intense and sadistic desire to humiliate his feet?

I can't imagine that they are comfortable either. I would think that having all of that stuff in between your toes would create major chafing. Or worse, toe sweat.

Blech, those shoes make me sick. I have to excuse myself to vomit.

Space Mountain

2011-06-09T11:15:00.003-05:00

I think Space Mountain is truly the quintessential Disney ride. Anytime you are on the monorail, watch what happens to people when the see the Space Mountain building. Excitement mixed with fear. The true fear is that the line will be an hour long.

Space Mountain had a face lift recently and the changes were definitely positive. They added some interactive things in the queue so that the wait, if it's long, will at least be entertaining. I think they did something as well so that they can get more cars on the track because there was never a wait when we were there this last November. I mean, not even a five minute wait. So, they definitely did something.

Anyhow, Space Mountain has this bizarre way of giving me the giggles. I get on the thing and the moment we "take-off" I am laughing and can't stop until we safely return to Earth. It's just funny to me how you can't even see your hand in front of your face.

The ride itself is a little bit herky-jerky. You are in the pitch dark and going around corners at lightning speeds. Since you can't see, you can't really anticipate any of the turns or drops, so they all come out of nowhere. Your neck usually can't catch up. But, it's fun. One minute you are propelling up then on a loop to the left, then going down a fast little decline. Are you laughing with me?

This is not my favorite roller coaster at Disneyworld, but it's nostalgic and fun.

4/5 or 7/10 stars.

Ulysses

2011-05-27T11:17:00.003-05:00

Ulysses made me feel dumb. Maybe if I read it a few times I would have a clue as to what is going on, but it took me a long ass time to read. So, I might not ever read it a few times. Does anyone understand what this book is about?

Luckily there is wikipedia and so that helped somewhat, but often I found myself reading and re-reading a page multiple times just because I had no idea what it was even saying. Like this passage: "But tomorrow is a new day will be. Past was is today. What now is will then morrow as now was be past yester." Can you understand that in one read through?

And the book is filled with these kinds of paragraphs. It's really confusing. So, I'm not going to talk so much about what the book is about because I couldn't really explain it. And yes, I feel dumb.

However, I also feel accomplished because Ulysses was a challenge I really wanted to take on. And I definitely thought the writing was beautiful and poetic and it made me feel scholarly just for reading it. If I had mountains of time to do nothing but read and analyze, I would have taken it on this book. But, there are so many books that I want to read and I also have to work, clean, socialize, that I just couldn't take the time necessary to really get into Ulysses with a fine tooth comb.

Should you read it? Yes, if you love literature and want a challenging book. If you understand it, teach me.

5/5 stars, because I have to give James Joyce mad props and because he used a "lexicon" (that's wikipedia's words) of 30,030 words and that's something to give stars to.

Quote of the Day

2011-05-25T21:16:00.002-05:00

"I apologized to her personally through facebook."
-An American youth explaining how she smoothed over a fight with a peer.

Summer Books

2011-05-20T14:43:00.009-05:00

I'm thinking I can read five books this summer. I've sort of got a list going and finding it hard to pick what I should tackle in the warmer months. Here's what I'm thinking so far. Anyone else have suggestions.
In the Garden of Beasts. Truth be told I did not like The Devil in the White City, I reviewed it somewhere on the blog. But I didn't hate it either. I read it thinking it would be one thing and it was very different and I was disappointed by the difference. The story was pretty interesting, though. Although super detail oriented. With all that being said, I'm totally intrigued by this book.

Everything is Illuminated is on my all time favorite list. I have mad love for it. MAD LOVE. I've been wanting to tackle Foer's Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close for a long ass time, but never gotten around to it. However, now there's a movie being made and my need to read has skyrocketed. This is one of those where I could not watch the movie before reading the book.

Nobel Prize Winner. I actually know nothing about it (which is just how I like to go into reading books...if I know too much, I'm usually disappointed by what the book isn't instead of loving what it is). It's that cover that gets me. I can't ignore a cover like that.

I keep reading about how people have peed their pants reading this book. Today I read an excerpt from a prayer that Tina Fey wrote about raising a daughter. Here it is: "And when she one day turns on me and calls me a bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that shit. I will not have it." And this made me almost pee in my pants. I have to read this. I have to piss my pants at least once this summer.

Then there's this book. The Fear. I love this title. Awhile back I read a book for book club When A Crocodile Eats the Sun, written by Peter Godwin. It was amazeballs. If you haven't read it, put it on your list. Zimbabwe has a complicated political situation. I actually don't know a ton about it, but am hoping this book will help me out. I would read anything by Peter Godwin, he has that beautiful way of writing about tragedy. I can't wait to get my pudgy little baby hands all over this book. I may even have to buy the book so that I can mark it up like a textbook. I only do that with the books I truly love.

***************
Anyone else reading awesome things that should not be ignored this summer?

Social Media Killed the Dating Star, Part Three

2011-05-20T10:42:00.003-05:00

There's a really good book that's set in the future and describes how young people will basically be screwed because of social media. I'm talking about Super Sad True Love Story. After I read it, I took a scan through my younger brother's facebook and realized that the author of the above book may actually be onto something.

Has anyone ever known someone who is constantly telling you how pretty you look and you come to realize that the sole reason that they are doing this is so that they get a compliment back? I knew a few people like this in college. Anytime you would part your hair differently (no matter how bad you actually looked), these people would say that the LOVED your new hairstyle. Then you would watch their face and realize that they were waiting for the return compliment.

This is how young people today are, times a billion. Go and look at any 16-year-old girl's facebook page. A majority of the profile pictures are just them, hand on hip, chest puffed out pose. A majority of those pictures were self-taken. Almost all of them have a trail of comments telling the person how attractive they are. "OMG.....sooooooo hott!" "Girl, you are beautiful." "Sexy thang!" "You are too cute, I love you." This constant feeding of compliments is probably leading us to an overly confident and overly entitled youth. It's also leading us to a youth that's compliment needy. (Also, what is up with the misspellings? Hot has one "t" and thang is not a word)

In the book Super Sad True Love Story, there are these things called Onion Skin jeans. They are translucent pants. Women wear them in the book to get compliments on their lady bits. Does it really seem that unbelievable that people who are so used to getting multiple daily compliments on their appearance would have to keep upping the ante on sex appeal? I mean, have you seen how teenagers dress? Onion skin jeans may not be too far in the future.

How does all of this fit into dating? Well, can you imagine dating someone who is so compliment needy. I'd imagine a dinner conversation to go something like this:
Girl: John Doe, you look hot. I love your hair. Did you gel it? Haha.
Boy: Yeah, gel. You look hot too. Haha.
Girl: I got a new dress. Do you like my hair? Your hair looks so hot gelled and spiky. Haha.
Boy: Haha. Your hair looks hot. I love you. I love that dress on you, I can see your tits.
Girl: Do you like them? I sent my girlfriend a picture on facebook and she said I looked sexy.
Boy: Haha. You do look sexy and hot.

Not exactly the building blocks of a great relationship. Also, the haha thing slays me. I think it's the "like" for the new generation.

I feel bad for youth. They really don't stand a chance for healthy, normal relationships until they become less dependent on social media for communication.

Quote of the Day

2011-05-16T11:04:00.004-05:00

Mike: I totally got trapped into a 10 minute conversation by him. It sucked.

Me: He never does that to me. Sometimes I'm really happy that I'm so awkward to talk to.

On another note, I have a TON of blog posts swirling in my head. And they are good too. But, work is when I usually do my posting and work is so busy that I don't have the time right now. Stay tuned because I'm going to try to crank them out ASAP.

Popcorn and Zen

2011-05-09T14:46:00.002-05:00

The picture above really has nothing at all to do with this story, only that it's kind of zenful. Minus the power lines.

Anyhow, I am a clarisentient. I am extraordinarily tuned into emotions. Emotional people get to me because I absorb what they are feeling and in turn feel it as well. When someone is stressed out or sad or mad, I have a hard time being around them because it upsets my chi.

I'm talking about this today because I have been having a hard time at work lately. The short story is that a year ago I started a new assignment and it requires me to be in a different building around a whole new set of people. It was just today that I realized why it bothers me so much, it's because the energy of these people is so terrible, that it knocks me down. Things in this place are always harried, there are too many cooks in the kitchen and everyone is scheming to figure out how they can get their way. It's a terrible environment and I can't leave the emotions at the door. I carry them with me and bring them home, which makes some days unbearable.

Anyhow, thinking about this reminded me of a funny story about my bizarre struggle for inner balance.

In college, one of my greatest friends and I lived in the same apartment building but at opposite ends of a U-shaped hallway. My friend, Kara, is really good at manipulating energies. She can melt stress away simply by changing the lighting of a room.

Well, one night, she was stressed, like frenzied stressed. She had called me to come over and when I walked into her apartment, I told her that she was stressed and the whole apartment was stressed. So, we began her destressing by lighting at least 15 candles all around her room to create a calm environment.

Then she said "I need some popcorn" and left the room to put a bag in the microwave.

When she came back, we were chatting and I told her that I didn't think the calming environment was helping because she was still frantic. As she was starting to tell me all that she was feeling, I interrupted her and said "Something's wrong with the microwave."

I don't know why I knew it. I don't know if it was a feeling in the air or a smell or what, but I knew that something was wrong. Kara had gone out into the kitchen to see the popcorn bag on fire. The microwave was still running and Kara pushed the button to open the door. A huge plume of smoke came out of the microwave. This is when my adrenaline kicked in. I immediately began flapping my arms trying to billow down the smoke. I had grabbed a kitchen towel and was using that to push the smoke away from the fire detector. I had also managed to open two windows, blow out all 15 candles and hide them (we weren't allowed to have candles in our apartment) and run out the door yelling "FIRE". I had taken all of that frenzied energy and put it to use in an emergency.

I made it all the way into my apartment and announced to my roommates to put their shoes on because there was a fire alarm. Then the alarms actually started ringing. I had put my own shoes on and ran out the door, down three flights of stairs and safely away from the building. I finally stopped to notice that no one was really following me. There were only a few people who had made it out of the building and the alarms were no longer ringing. I had to stop and take a few deep breaths in an attempt to gain my composure.

Why was I stressed? I wasn't stressed before seeing my friend, I hadn't made the popcorn, it wasn't my apartment and there was no actual fire. But I couldn't shake it. I held onto the stress of that moment for a good two days. When I got back into the building and back to my friend's apartment, she was like "You were moving so fast, it was incredible."

That's what stress does to me, makes me a whirlwind of frenetic energy. I hate it.

Could You Resist...

2011-05-06T21:44:00.002-05:00

...this cuteness. This was when Ramsey first met Kirby. And in typical Ramsey fashion, he just had to be up in Kirby's business every minute. I'm not sure how Kirby felt about it, but hopefully one day they will be best buds.

I haven't been posting as much lately, which is not by pure choice. Work has been so insane. And then there's that little puppy. That little angel who wakes up at 5:00 A.M. and doesn't stop moving until 9:00 P.M. He brings so much joy and so much annoyance at the same time.

Puppy training is going great, but it's a constant job and it's taken a lot out of me. I'm hoping that next week I can bring a lot more material to the Internet world. A lot more material that no one will read.

I Don't Get It

2011-04-29T11:39:00.003-05:00

Has anyone here read The Hunger Games trilogy? I have, but I will save my review for when it comes up in the lineup. Right when I was in the middle of the series was when they started talking about the movies being cast. I was really excited because the books are good, but I think the movies will be awesome. There's a lot of visuals going on in the books and it will translate well to film.

My excitement, however, has faded. Have you guys been watching the casting news for the movies? There's a facebook page or something dedicated to this. That fact alone makes me think the movies are going to be lame. Also lame is that the first movie is supposed to come out on March 23, 2012 (less than 11 months away) and they haven't even started production yet. This worries me. Please don't crap out a stinky movie just because you want to capitalize while the books are still hot.

Anyhow, back to the casting. The cast is not at all who I expected it to be. Jennifer Lawrence in the lead role...fine...she'll probably do great. Then there's this little douche that they cast as Peeta. PEETA! Little and douchey and emo are not words that I would use to describe Peeta. Peeta is literally all wrong and I'm so pissed about it. Then they cast Miley Cyrus' ex as Gale. So, Peeta is short and dark haired and not buff and Gale is tall, blond and totally buff. No, no, no....casting directors you are getting it all wrong.

I just can't support this movie. This movie is going to make billions of dollars. This movie could be like the Harry Potter movies where they are just really well done. But it's not going to be. Hollywood is going to eff this up.

In a side note, did anyone else see the new HP trailer? I cannot wait for this summer. HP will be all I'm thinking about.

Sun, Hit Me With Your Rays

2011-04-26T10:05:00.002-05:00

This is not a Disney post. I'm posting this picture because it's the last memory I have of being outside and hot. When my mom and I went to Florida last November we left 24 hours before the first of many large snow storms hit Minnesota this winter. Florida was unseasonably hot and I remember sitting in Epcot the last day of our trip thinking that I needed to hold onto this heat because I wouldn't be feeling it for awhile. Fast forward to today and I'm needing to remember this more than ever.

Today is a friend's birthday...Happy Birthday Ro! A few years back we were celebrating her birthday with a casual dinner in a Northeast pub. It was pouring rain outside, windy and chilly. I remember her saying that the weather is never good on her birthday. It sucks that she's right.

Last year we were spoiled with this amazing spring. This year is back to reality. I'm hoping that I only have to hold onto the memory of warmth for a few more weeks. Because that memory is slowly slipping through my fingers.

Fashion Files: Church

2011-04-25T14:49:00.003-05:00

Has anyone ever been sitting in church and while you should be praying instead are looking at a fellow church-goer thinking "What in God's name are you wearing?" I think this all the time. Never more than at Easter Sunday mass.

I get that people aren't going to be all dressy dressy for mass anymore. Honestly, I think that's okay. We don't need to fancy ourselves up every Sunday for mass. If you want to great, but if you want to wear your jeans...I don't care.

However, some women believe that being fancy fancy means dressing skanky skanky. T & A has no business in the Lord's house. Leave those mini-skirts, low-cut tops and barely there dresses for the clubs. Let's show some class. On Easter, the skanky factor is amped up. I think it's the spring fever thing.

This Easter was no different. I just really can't imagine showing up for church with my boobs hanging out for everyone to see. Nor can I imagine wearing a mini-skirt and having to shift uncomfortably every time I sit down. You don't have to dress like a nun to go to church (I saw one woman who was wearing a Polly Flanders dress circa 1984), but you are in a space of worship and should treat it accordingly. That means dress with respect. Not dress like you are trying to become a walking Cialis prescription.

Last year, my brother was confirmed and I was his sponsor. At the confirmation, I literally could not believe the outfits that these young girls were wearing on the day they became a true Catholic. One girl (and by girl, I mean 16-year-old) was wearing a lace mini-dress that had a sheer, lace back cut all the way down to her ass crack. Just the way I'd want the archbishop to view me as he's welcoming me to the church.

Look, I'm not a prude when it comes to dressing, but there is a time and place. Church ain't it.

The American Adventure

2011-04-19T10:53:00.002-05:00

I'm sort of a sucker for American history, so this one gets me every time. Literally. I usually cry at some point. This is one of the more well done attractions in all of Disneyworld. There are a lot of really good things, but this is an excellent show of American history.

First things first, get to the place a little bit before the show will actually start and walk through the bottom portion of the building. There's usually a really good display or artwork and artifacts to peruse. There's also a singing group that will perform while you are waiting. Dopey singing groups are not my thing, but this dopey singing group is pretty darn good. They sing the classic American songs circa the 1800's and it's really gorgeous music. Plus they are in awesome costumes.

Once the show is ready to start you can crowd into the line and either take the escalators or the stairs to the theatre. Here's a tip, the theatre is effing huge. Every seat offers a good view. You don't need to be the first one in there. Relax. Stop trampling the kids.

Then the show begins. It's a mix of audio-animatronics and video and really presents a spectacular lesson on the history of America. The parts that really get me weeping are the Revolutionary War, anytime Lincoln "speaks" and when they start showing the video montage of things like the Miracle on Ice hockey team, walking on the moon and 9/11. With the video montage there's some really corny believe in yourself type of music. It uplifts your soul and you will leave the theatre with renewed vision and a bounce in your step. Don't worry, that will be sucked out of you the minute you step foot in the next line.

A great show, 5/5 or 9/10 stars.

Corn Syrup Free

2011-04-14T11:16:00.004-05:00

If you have not seen the above movie, I will tell you to proceed with caution. Not that the movie isn't informative and well done. It is. It could possibly make you never want to actually eat food again. Which would be a health problem.

I watched the movie a couple of months ago. I've also read Michael Pollan's In Defense of Food. He is featured in the movie. The movie is all about how we have turned farming into a business and business isn't always focused on what is good for the consumer. But I don't think that's always bad. We need food to be affordable and accessible and nonperishable, which business does. Honestly, who doesn't love a Twinkie every so often?

One thing that struck me in the movie and also in Michale Pollan's book is how much more seed and corn we are consuming than we did maybe 30 years ago. Because corn is literally in everything that we eat. Not to get graphic, but corn is also incredibly hard to digest. Who hasn't gotten some floaties after eating a couple of cobs? That's right, your body actually excretes it whole because it can't process it. So, can you imagine what's happened to our little tummies after years of over consumption?

I decided to cut back on my corn intake. This has proven to be an extremely difficult and expensive task. There are plenty of organic snacks available at the super market, but $5 for 4 packets of fruit snacks is a lot of green. But I went for it. I did not overhaul my entire diet, I just bought a few options for snacks and cereal. I'm not going to say it has revolutionized my life, but I actually have noticed that the organic snacks leave me feeling more satisfied than say a Twinkie would. I mean, if I'm hungry and I eat a Twinkie, I ain't stopping at one. Overall, however, I think my tummy is thanking me for cutting back on my corn intake.

Side note, the best organic food I've found is the Annie's brand cereals. You can leave these suckers sit in milk for hours and they are still crispy and crunchy.

Me On: Bravo TV

2011-04-13T11:50:00.001-05:00

Last week I did something that I rarely do, which is force Mike to watch something on television. It was the Real Housewives of NYC. Look, I am not super proud that I am totally obsessed with Bravo, but that doesn't change the bare fact that I am super obsessed. You cannot look away. Or, at least, I can't. It's definitely television crack. I'm going to breakdown my favorite shows for you.

Real Housewives Franchise: The NYC one is probably my favorite, although last week's premiere seemed much more obnoxious than normal. And not funny obnoxious, but just obnoxious. I get it, you guys have expensive shoes, but do we really need to keep talking about them? Then there's the newer Beverly Hills one. It was definitely one of the better casts. I found them to be interesting and you cannot beat the whole Camille thing. The New Jersey housewives are a personal fave mostly because of the ridiculousness of their so-called wealth and the fights. You cannot beat the fights. Sing it with me Countess, "Money Can't Buy You Class." I will occasionally watch the Orange County show, but mostly it's to laugh about how dumb they are. I have never seen an episode of the Atlanta show, small snippets here and there, but I find that one to be the absolute worst of the bunch. The new Miami show was alright, but it was a little bit too "we are supposed to be fighting, right?" for me. Just read that they cancelled the DC show, which is a shame because that first season was television gold. Apparently no one watched it.

NYC Prep: This was possibly the best of the absolute worst people I have ever seen. There is nothing more ridiculous than entitled, snotty and completely clueless rich kids. My favorite character was Jessie (if you didn't see it, you will have no idea what I'm talking about, but trust that she was awesome). Jessie was not attractive, but thought her shit didn't stink and would walk around like Miss Bossy Boots who knows so much at eighteen. It was really awesome to watch. These kids literally had no clue about the world, but thought that they ran it. A quick perusal of wikipedia told me that in the NYC Prep scene, the schools that these kids went to were pretty low on the scale.

Kell on Earth: I want Kelly Cutrone to make me cry so badly. I mean she can be brutally mean. I love when they have an intern who is all "I want to work in fashion", but they don't really want to work and she makes them pay. Brilliant! This show makes me want to work in a job where I need two cell phones and my email inbox is always full and I always have people to call. But I'm like those interns who would be fired in a few days, I don't really want to do the work, I just want to have the lifestyle.

The Rachel Zoe Project: Does anyone else watch this and think "For how stressed they are all of the time, it doesn't seem like they do much work?" And honestly, how can everything go down to the last minute? What I find fascinating about this show is seeing how things go from the stylist to the photo shoot or red carpet in minutes. The other awesome thing is Roger (or is it Rodger?) I live for Roger totally not caring and then flipping his glorious hair like he totally cares.

So, these are my faves. I watch the repeats, I save them on my Tivo, I'm constantly bummed when comcast on demand doesn't have them. I know it's probably the worst television ever created, but this is my one thing. I don't read glossy mags, I don't look at gossip websites, I don't watch much reality television (or much television at all). This is my one guilty and embarrassing pleasure. And I absolutely relish it. Judge me, I know you want to.

Stumbling on Happiness

2011-04-11T09:52:00.005-05:00

More like Stumbling on Crappiness. This book was the shits. Pardon mon francais. I almost never set a book down in the middle of it. I have OCD about finishing things, but when I was in the middle of this book I thought of something that I had read on the happiness project blog which was: if you are reading a book you hate, stop reading it. There are far too many books in the world and you are wasting your time. So, I stopped reading it and didn't look back. Surprisingly I stumbled into happiness by not reading this book.

Here's the thing that I hated about it. Over-generalizations and no explanations. I thought the book would be more, here's the problem and here's a solution to find your happiness. Instead, I found the book to be all our minds will make us forget what makes us happy or unhappy and why. So, it's virtually impossible to actually try to be happy because our minds aren't built that way. Ummmmmmmmm, thanks.

I don't buy it. Our minds may not be able to predict future happiness, but that doesn't make us unhappy. And I think there is a good purpose for our minds forgetting things. Like right now, with my new puppy, I forget that he can be a nipping little monster while I am away from him and only remember him cuddling against my lap last night. But that helps me to miss him and helps me to be excited to see him. Which does in fact make me happy. So suck it Daniel Gilbert and your dumb science experiments.

I also didn't like the writing. It was all here's what we think will happen, here's a science experiment to refute it and here's the doom and gloom of how we will always be wrong. It didn't flow and felt like the exact same thing being said over and over again.

This was the worst book I have read in a long ass time. Possibly the worst book that I have read ever. 0 stars both because I hated it and because I did not finish it. If I could give the book negative stars I would.

Quote of the Day

2011-04-06T16:07:00.004-05:00

Since I have been a bad blogger, I'll throw a quote of the day out there for good measure. "When I was a teenager, my parents were so worried that I was going to get myself pregnant. So, every summer they forced me to go to Iowa for the entire summer." This sums up what my dad always says. Idiots Out Walking Around.

Busy Little Bee

2011-04-06T16:00:00.004-05:00

I have been delinquent on posting. But, it's for good reason. You guys, I AM TIRED. And busy. This past Saturday, Mike and I were being pretty lazy. I was catching up on Real Housewives of Orange County and Mike was playing video games. I finally needed to get outside so told Mike, can we run to Hoodbury to look at new tennis shoes. Absolutely was his answer. Then he said, let's stop at The Humane Society out there and see the dogs. Little did I know that we would come home with this:

He is precious. But, he's also a puppy and although his training is going well, I'm still following him all around the house worried that at any moment he could squat. It's way more exhausting than I would have thought. It's also way more fun.

In other April busyness...work has been nuts (no pun intended), I've got birthdays galore this month, I'm working on some house projects and doing some major spring cleaning. I can't even tell you guys how happy I am that spring is finally showing itself. The weather has been beautiful and my tulips are even starting to come up. Color me excited!

Good One April!

2011-04-01T09:47:00.003-05:00

April Fool's. You will have one more month of winter. Resolution of the month: Create a cleaning schedule. I've been a lazy mofo these last few weeks and need to get my rear in gear to open the house up for spring. I wish my resolution could be to create sunshine out of puppies farts or something like that. But, that violates one of my rules for resolution making.

March On March

2011-03-28T14:34:00.003-05:00

I have to keep telling myself that I will be as hot as I was in the above photo again. Because don't I look hot as in warm? Well, I was. And I will be that way again someday. In the meantime, I'm just going to say what is on every one's mind...This Spring (all eight days of it so far) has been the shits! I always try to stay really positive about the warm weather coming, but right now I'm a negative nelly. Here's some reasons why I'm about to go off of the deep end:

My socks. I wind down the sock/tight wearing around April 1. The weather is usually just nice enough to justify it. But not this year. I'm betting I will be in my socks and tights through that first full week of April. Problem is that most of my tights have holes and for some odd reason I have very few matching socks left. They must have fled for warmer climates themselves. I'm refusing to buy new socks or tights because I won't need them in a couple of weeks, but these interim weeks are going to be problematic.

My weight. Lord, the winter has not been good to my love handles. I decided that I was going to be really productive after the holidays about shedding some pounds and then got tendinitis in my knee and could barely walk for two weeks. Now, I want to go walking but either the temperatures are too cold or the sidewalks are too treacherous to go. Normally by this time I'm in a pretty good walking groove. But now my stomach is starting to bust out of my clothes. Oy Vey!

My coats. They need to be dry cleaned and put away until next year. Plus, does anyone else hate driving with a coat on? I HATE it, always have. But I put up with it for awhile because I understand it's necessity. In late March, I want to shed myself from the wintery layer of hell, but I can't because I don't want to get a cold.

My sidewalks. I never knew what a luxury it was to just walk up to the passenger seat of a car parked outside your house and jump on in. Because there's been a constant snow bank between me and the car, I've had to walk around the snowbank and either squeeze myself in between the bank and the car to get in or just wait for my ride to pull out a little bit and pick me up. It sounds so trivial, but it really is becoming a pain in the ass.

My winter boots. I have been wearing the same pair of shoes everyday since mid-November. They are standard, low heel, knee high black boots. Perfect for tromping around in the snow and ice, but also boring and plain. However, every time I put on a pair of heels or flats thinking they will be safe to wear, we have a snowstorm. I feel like I'm in a marriage from hell with these boots.

My hair/skin/nails/lips. The dryness of all of these things is at an all-time high. I've been moisturizing like crazy, but to no avail. I need some true air moisture to turn the tide. Mother nature, help a girl out!

I could go on and on, but I won't. Mostly because I've got work to do. That's another thing that I'm not doing, going on a spring vacation.

My Ass Hurts

2011-03-25T11:58:00.002-05:00

When I was a little girl, I used to lament about getting older and getting "Secretary Ass". It's a real thing. Look at women who have spent their careers sitting in chairs. Them's some flat asses. So, I really used to worry about that and think that when I had a career, I was going to make sure my ass wasn't in a chair every hour of every day.

Well, then the internets happened.

Anyhow, the last week I have been sitting a lot. I've had a lot of writing stuff to do for work and there hasn't been much of anything else going on. There's only so many times you can fake an errand or go to the bathroom just to get out of your seat.

All of this sitting has lead to a sore spot on my bum. Does anyone else ever get this? It's right where my tailbone would meet the seat and it's super sore. Like, I can't effing sit down anymore sore. What is that? I look at other women that I work with and they love being lazy POS' and sitting down for the majority of the day. Do their asses not hurt?

But my biggest problem right now is I'm starting to get the fear back. You guys, I might be getting a serious case of Secretary Ass. Help!

My Underwear Could Be Anywhere

2011-03-17T14:13:00.002-05:00

You guys, I am having a shipping problem. Here's the story.

A few days ago I was at work and having one of those days where I was just annoyed at my outfit choice. I was wearing this shift dress and true to it's name it was shifting. Although, shifting in places I didn't need it to be shifting. I was super uncomfortable and totally stuck in the dress because I couldn't go home to change. Finally, I had this moment come over me where I realized what would help this situation...a new bra.

Women will probably be able to understand where I'm coming from, but, having a good bra is everything. And the real problem with my dress was not the dress, but the bra. The straps were falling and things weren't hanging where they should be...so to speak.

In my complete impatience, I decided that I needed to online shop for a new bra right at that moment. I logged onto Nordstrom and found a bra to buy. I also found a couple of pairs of underwear. I quickly (and hastily) hit the "SUBMIT ORDER" button and beamed at the thought of getting the bra sent to me quickly via mail.

However, my moment of glee was cut short as I saw that I hadn't ordered anything from Nordstrom in a couple of years and the shipping address was 3 houses ago! Horrors. I immediately hit the "CHAT WITH AN ONLINE CUSTOMER SERVICE REP" button and began an online chat to explain the problem.

Basically she said that she could fix the problem as to the underwears, but that the bra order had already been sent to the store, so she might not be able to fix it. Of course, the thing that I actually really wanted. Also, WTF? I had literally ordered it maybe 2 minutes prior to the conversation.

So, today I get an email saying that the order has been shipped. But the shipping address is to my old address. I again chatted with someone online who told me that the new address wouldn't show up on the forms they send out and since it was already sent he can't change the address it's sent to. He assured me that if someone had previously told me the address was changed, then it would be. I don't know that I buy it.

So, basically, my underwear could be anywhere. And I'm sure that the new owner of a house that I lived in over two years ago will be really happy to receive a Nordstrom box with two pairs of underwear and a bra inside. The best laid plans...

9, Noon, 3 Dressing

2011-03-15T12:58:00.002-05:00

Springtime often leads to confusion for me as to what I should wear to work. Today, for instance, I decided on a sleeveless dress with a heavier cardigan sweater, tights and knee high boots. I was freezing in the morning, am at a reasonable temperature now after lunch, but guarantee I will be sweating hot by the time I leave. I try to dress in layers, but work clothes don't often leave us a lot of room for layering.

I usually struggle until mid-May with the solution. I know that I will be cold in the morning and will need a jacket. I also know that the heat is turned down and there will be no sun in the office windows until 11:00. So, I need a jacket and a sweater and probably tights. But, once the sun starts blazing through the windows and I start moving around a lot, the sweater is maybe too much. So are the tights, but that's a whole other ball game. However, when I take the sweater off, I'm too cold. So, I put it back on. Oh, wait, now I'm sweating into my silk/cashmere blend. Okay, off it goes. Now I'm shivering. It's a vicious cycle.

I just want it to be consistently warmer so I can just bust out my summer work clothes and go from there.

Finding Nemo: The Musical

2011-03-14T14:46:00.003-05:00

Here, at the Theater In The Wild, is a charming staged rendition of Finding Nemo. There's singing and dancing and awesome fish puppets. It's basically a Broadway play, except at the Animal Kingdom.

The theater show follows the movie almost exactly. The story is so adorable and they don't leave anything out. Nemo goes to school and gets lost. Then he is in a dentist office fish tank, but he makes a daring bust out back to the ocean. He meets sharks, turtles and seagulls before finally finding his dad. So heartwarming.

The visuals are also pretty amazing. The show is filled with elaborate puppets and costumes. It's almost as if you believe that the fish are swimming around you...and talking and singing.

Here's the downside. This shit is L-O-N-G. It's forty-five minutes to be exact, which is a really long time to hold the attention of young toddlers and middle-aged fathers. The other bad part is the theater only has stadium seating. So, you are sitting for forty-five minutes with no back support. They definitely don't advertise that either. I'm a young buck and it's a long time for my back to go without any support.

Long story short, Finding Nemo is a cute show, but be prepared to sit for awhile. And warn your husbands about it. Many of them may want to go take a bench nap instead of sitting in the theater.

I'm giving this one 3/5 stars. Maybe 7/10. It would be higher if not for the length.

Oh, Wisconsin and another RAD

2011-03-11T10:10:00.003-06:00

I have a general dislike for Wisconsin. Perhaps it's that whole Minnesota-Wisconsin rivalry. Or perhaps it's the fact that I sometimes drive in Woodbury and the complete disregard for all driving norms goes out the window with Wisconsin drivers. I mean, honestly, either learn to drive or stay off of our roads.

Okay, that rant is over. But, now I will rant about the situation that is happening for them politically.

Here's the skinny, I am, technically, a worker of the government. But, I am not in a government union. Therefore, I think I can see the situation from both sides of the coin. You guys, local governments are financially drying up. You can blame this on whoever you want to politically (I blame dems, but that's because I'm a fiscal conservative), but it's not going to solve the problem that we don't have enough money to continue paying government workers the way that we are paying them. This isn't just the case in Wisconsin, but I'd be willing to guess it's the case all over the country.

I don't think this is just because of the economic downturn, but I also think that baby boomer problem that people have been warning us about for years is starting to rear it's ugly little baby booming head. The working world is top heavy. People are retiring at a later age, working less days of the year, producing less work at a later age in life and yet being paid more for it. That's a problem in both the government and the private sector.

The thing with the government is that a lot of government employees are unionized, which allows them to hold onto their salary raises and yearly inflation increases even though their employer can't really afford it.

All I am saying is that government employees, much like employees in the private sector, may need to make some sacrifices in order to help get our economy back on track.

So, let's get back to Wisconsin. What appalled me in Wisconsin was those elected officials who chose to hide like little babies instead of fighting for their constituents. Even if you feel like you are on the losing side, the least you could do is stick around so that your voice is heard. That's what we elect you for. And I know a lot of people who have applauded their civil disobedience, but come on that's not really civil disobedience. Civil disobedience is when Washington DC decided to chop down a bunch of cherry trees in order to build the Jefferson Memorial and ladies chained themselves to the trees in protest. They were arrested and the trees were still chopped down, but their voice was heard. Now, that is civil disobedience.

Civil disobedience is not hiding with your tail between your legs because you don't like what the government is going to do. Thoreau would laugh in their faces.

And I would RAD them on my blog. So, there you go, my second RAD of the month is to the elected Wisconsin officials in hiding for their total Random Acts of Douchebaggery.

The Monster of Florence

2011-03-09T15:11:00.002-06:00

I was reading this book at work one day and a coworker said to me "My, that's a titillating cover." Comments like that make me really glad for my kindle.

Here's what I will say after reading this book, don't even think about crime if you are in Italy. And, should you find yourself even near a crime whilst in Italy, you should probably get the hell out of dodge. The Italian court system is not what we are used to here in the good old U.S. of A.

Let's get to brass tacks. The book is interesting. It involves a series of murders that takes place in and around Florence from the late 60's to the 80's. It was apparently big news in Italy and everyone was freaked out about this Monster of Florence. There were also multiple people arrested for the crimes and eventually there were charges and convictions. However, the book casts some serious doubt on the people who were actually convicted. Like, serious doubt...as in, the Monster could still be out there.

Where the plot thickens is when an American author (Douglas Preston) moves his family to Florence to write a book. He becomes involved with Mario Spezi, who was a journalist involved in the Monster of Florence case, and the two begin writing articles about the case. The articles were critical of the Italian justice system and eventually caused the two to be under investigation for being accomplices to the murders. No joke, either. What happens to the two of them provides really great insight into a different country's justice system. Let me just tell you guys that the rules are a wee bit different in other countries.

I loved this book, but had new found love for it when I read the Afterward. Normally I ignore both Prefaces and Afterwards, but in this case I didn't. The Afterward talks about another situation in which an American has recently been charged with brutal crimes in Italy, I'm talking about Amanda Knox. The author gives some interesting details and similarities between his situation and experiences in Italy and what happened to her. Many of the same people are involved and he suggests that perhaps there is more to look into there. I can't wait for a similar book to come out on her...and no, I'm not talking about the Lifetime movie. That'll be the shits.

So, 4/5 or 8/10 stars for this one. If you're into this type of thing you will love it.