Monday, March 28, 2011

March On March

I have to keep telling myself that I will be as hot as I was in the above photo again. Because don't I look hot as in warm? Well, I was. And I will be that way again someday. In the meantime, I'm just going to say what is on every one's mind...This Spring (all eight days of it so far) has been the shits! I always try to stay really positive about the warm weather coming, but right now I'm a negative nelly. Here's some reasons why I'm about to go off of the deep end:

  1. My socks. I wind down the sock/tight wearing around April 1. The weather is usually just nice enough to justify it. But not this year. I'm betting I will be in my socks and tights through that first full week of April. Problem is that most of my tights have holes and for some odd reason I have very few matching socks left. They must have fled for warmer climates themselves. I'm refusing to buy new socks or tights because I won't need them in a couple of weeks, but these interim weeks are going to be problematic.

  2. My weight. Lord, the winter has not been good to my love handles. I decided that I was going to be really productive after the holidays about shedding some pounds and then got tendinitis in my knee and could barely walk for two weeks. Now, I want to go walking but either the temperatures are too cold or the sidewalks are too treacherous to go. Normally by this time I'm in a pretty good walking groove. But now my stomach is starting to bust out of my clothes. Oy Vey!

  3. My coats. They need to be dry cleaned and put away until next year. Plus, does anyone else hate driving with a coat on? I HATE it, always have. But I put up with it for awhile because I understand it's necessity. In late March, I want to shed myself from the wintery layer of hell, but I can't because I don't want to get a cold.

  4. My sidewalks. I never knew what a luxury it was to just walk up to the passenger seat of a car parked outside your house and jump on in. Because there's been a constant snow bank between me and the car, I've had to walk around the snowbank and either squeeze myself in between the bank and the car to get in or just wait for my ride to pull out a little bit and pick me up. It sounds so trivial, but it really is becoming a pain in the ass.

  5. My winter boots. I have been wearing the same pair of shoes everyday since mid-November. They are standard, low heel, knee high black boots. Perfect for tromping around in the snow and ice, but also boring and plain. However, every time I put on a pair of heels or flats thinking they will be safe to wear, we have a snowstorm. I feel like I'm in a marriage from hell with these boots.

  6. My hair/skin/nails/lips. The dryness of all of these things is at an all-time high. I've been moisturizing like crazy, but to no avail. I need some true air moisture to turn the tide. Mother nature, help a girl out!

I could go on and on, but I won't. Mostly because I've got work to do. That's another thing that I'm not doing, going on a spring vacation.

Friday, March 25, 2011

My Ass Hurts

When I was a little girl, I used to lament about getting older and getting "Secretary Ass". It's a real thing. Look at women who have spent their careers sitting in chairs. Them's some flat asses. So, I really used to worry about that and think that when I had a career, I was going to make sure my ass wasn't in a chair every hour of every day.

Well, then the internets happened.

Anyhow, the last week I have been sitting a lot. I've had a lot of writing stuff to do for work and there hasn't been much of anything else going on. There's only so many times you can fake an errand or go to the bathroom just to get out of your seat.

All of this sitting has lead to a sore spot on my bum. Does anyone else ever get this? It's right where my tailbone would meet the seat and it's super sore. Like, I can't effing sit down anymore sore. What is that? I look at other women that I work with and they love being lazy POS' and sitting down for the majority of the day. Do their asses not hurt?

But my biggest problem right now is I'm starting to get the fear back. You guys, I might be getting a serious case of Secretary Ass. Help!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

My Underwear Could Be Anywhere

You guys, I am having a shipping problem. Here's the story.

A few days ago I was at work and having one of those days where I was just annoyed at my outfit choice. I was wearing this shift dress and true to it's name it was shifting. Although, shifting in places I didn't need it to be shifting. I was super uncomfortable and totally stuck in the dress because I couldn't go home to change. Finally, I had this moment come over me where I realized what would help this situation...a new bra.

Women will probably be able to understand where I'm coming from, but, having a good bra is everything. And the real problem with my dress was not the dress, but the bra. The straps were falling and things weren't hanging where they should to speak.

In my complete impatience, I decided that I needed to online shop for a new bra right at that moment. I logged onto Nordstrom and found a bra to buy. I also found a couple of pairs of underwear. I quickly (and hastily) hit the "SUBMIT ORDER" button and beamed at the thought of getting the bra sent to me quickly via mail.

However, my moment of glee was cut short as I saw that I hadn't ordered anything from Nordstrom in a couple of years and the shipping address was 3 houses ago! Horrors. I immediately hit the "CHAT WITH AN ONLINE CUSTOMER SERVICE REP" button and began an online chat to explain the problem.

Basically she said that she could fix the problem as to the underwears, but that the bra order had already been sent to the store, so she might not be able to fix it. Of course, the thing that I actually really wanted. Also, WTF? I had literally ordered it maybe 2 minutes prior to the conversation.

So, today I get an email saying that the order has been shipped. But the shipping address is to my old address. I again chatted with someone online who told me that the new address wouldn't show up on the forms they send out and since it was already sent he can't change the address it's sent to. He assured me that if someone had previously told me the address was changed, then it would be. I don't know that I buy it.

So, basically, my underwear could be anywhere. And I'm sure that the new owner of a house that I lived in over two years ago will be really happy to receive a Nordstrom box with two pairs of underwear and a bra inside. The best laid plans...

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

9, Noon, 3 Dressing

Springtime often leads to confusion for me as to what I should wear to work. Today, for instance, I decided on a sleeveless dress with a heavier cardigan sweater, tights and knee high boots. I was freezing in the morning, am at a reasonable temperature now after lunch, but guarantee I will be sweating hot by the time I leave. I try to dress in layers, but work clothes don't often leave us a lot of room for layering.

I usually struggle until mid-May with the solution. I know that I will be cold in the morning and will need a jacket. I also know that the heat is turned down and there will be no sun in the office windows until 11:00. So, I need a jacket and a sweater and probably tights. But, once the sun starts blazing through the windows and I start moving around a lot, the sweater is maybe too much. So are the tights, but that's a whole other ball game. However, when I take the sweater off, I'm too cold. So, I put it back on. Oh, wait, now I'm sweating into my silk/cashmere blend. Okay, off it goes. Now I'm shivering. It's a vicious cycle.

I just want it to be consistently warmer so I can just bust out my summer work clothes and go from there.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Finding Nemo: The Musical

Here, at the Theater In The Wild, is a charming staged rendition of Finding Nemo. There's singing and dancing and awesome fish puppets. It's basically a Broadway play, except at the Animal Kingdom.

The theater show follows the movie almost exactly. The story is so adorable and they don't leave anything out. Nemo goes to school and gets lost. Then he is in a dentist office fish tank, but he makes a daring bust out back to the ocean. He meets sharks, turtles and seagulls before finally finding his dad. So heartwarming.

The visuals are also pretty amazing. The show is filled with elaborate puppets and costumes. It's almost as if you believe that the fish are swimming around you...and talking and singing.

Here's the downside. This shit is L-O-N-G. It's forty-five minutes to be exact, which is a really long time to hold the attention of young toddlers and middle-aged fathers. The other bad part is the theater only has stadium seating. So, you are sitting for forty-five minutes with no back support. They definitely don't advertise that either. I'm a young buck and it's a long time for my back to go without any support.

Long story short, Finding Nemo is a cute show, but be prepared to sit for awhile. And warn your husbands about it. Many of them may want to go take a bench nap instead of sitting in the theater.

I'm giving this one 3/5 stars. Maybe 7/10. It would be higher if not for the length.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Oh, Wisconsin and another RAD

I have a general dislike for Wisconsin. Perhaps it's that whole Minnesota-Wisconsin rivalry. Or perhaps it's the fact that I sometimes drive in Woodbury and the complete disregard for all driving norms goes out the window with Wisconsin drivers. I mean, honestly, either learn to drive or stay off of our roads.

Okay, that rant is over. But, now I will rant about the situation that is happening for them politically.

Here's the skinny, I am, technically, a worker of the government. But, I am not in a government union. Therefore, I think I can see the situation from both sides of the coin. You guys, local governments are financially drying up. You can blame this on whoever you want to politically (I blame dems, but that's because I'm a fiscal conservative), but it's not going to solve the problem that we don't have enough money to continue paying government workers the way that we are paying them. This isn't just the case in Wisconsin, but I'd be willing to guess it's the case all over the country.

I don't think this is just because of the economic downturn, but I also think that baby boomer problem that people have been warning us about for years is starting to rear it's ugly little baby booming head. The working world is top heavy. People are retiring at a later age, working less days of the year, producing less work at a later age in life and yet being paid more for it. That's a problem in both the government and the private sector.

The thing with the government is that a lot of government employees are unionized, which allows them to hold onto their salary raises and yearly inflation increases even though their employer can't really afford it.

All I am saying is that government employees, much like employees in the private sector, may need to make some sacrifices in order to help get our economy back on track.

So, let's get back to Wisconsin. What appalled me in Wisconsin was those elected officials who chose to hide like little babies instead of fighting for their constituents. Even if you feel like you are on the losing side, the least you could do is stick around so that your voice is heard. That's what we elect you for. And I know a lot of people who have applauded their civil disobedience, but come on that's not really civil disobedience. Civil disobedience is when Washington DC decided to chop down a bunch of cherry trees in order to build the Jefferson Memorial and ladies chained themselves to the trees in protest. They were arrested and the trees were still chopped down, but their voice was heard. Now, that is civil disobedience.

Civil disobedience is not hiding with your tail between your legs because you don't like what the government is going to do. Thoreau would laugh in their faces.

And I would RAD them on my blog. So, there you go, my second RAD of the month is to the elected Wisconsin officials in hiding for their total Random Acts of Douchebaggery.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

The Monster of Florence

I was reading this book at work one day and a coworker said to me "My, that's a titillating cover." Comments like that make me really glad for my kindle.

Here's what I will say after reading this book, don't even think about crime if you are in Italy. And, should you find yourself even near a crime whilst in Italy, you should probably get the hell out of dodge. The Italian court system is not what we are used to here in the good old U.S. of A.

Let's get to brass tacks. The book is interesting. It involves a series of murders that takes place in and around Florence from the late 60's to the 80's. It was apparently big news in Italy and everyone was freaked out about this Monster of Florence. There were also multiple people arrested for the crimes and eventually there were charges and convictions. However, the book casts some serious doubt on the people who were actually convicted. Like, serious in, the Monster could still be out there.

Where the plot thickens is when an American author (Douglas Preston) moves his family to Florence to write a book. He becomes involved with Mario Spezi, who was a journalist involved in the Monster of Florence case, and the two begin writing articles about the case. The articles were critical of the Italian justice system and eventually caused the two to be under investigation for being accomplices to the murders. No joke, either. What happens to the two of them provides really great insight into a different country's justice system. Let me just tell you guys that the rules are a wee bit different in other countries.

I loved this book, but had new found love for it when I read the Afterward. Normally I ignore both Prefaces and Afterwards, but in this case I didn't. The Afterward talks about another situation in which an American has recently been charged with brutal crimes in Italy, I'm talking about Amanda Knox. The author gives some interesting details and similarities between his situation and experiences in Italy and what happened to her. Many of the same people are involved and he suggests that perhaps there is more to look into there. I can't wait for a similar book to come out on her...and no, I'm not talking about the Lifetime movie. That'll be the shits.

So, 4/5 or 8/10 stars for this one. If you're into this type of thing you will love it.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Fashion Smashion

Crocs with bows are not fashion. Just because you make them girlier does not make them acceptable. I really don't understand Crocs.

Anyhow, I am bored with fashion. Anyone else feeling this way? Usually at this time of year I am seriously craving a shopping spree. I am so bored and tired of all of my wintery clothes and just want to rejuvenate my wardrobe. I was starting to move some stuff around in my closet so that some of my more wintery things would be outta sight, outta mind, but the weather isn't good enough even to begin wearing some of my spring things.

Even though I'm jonesing to spend money, I just perused the websites of some of my favorite fashion retailers and I am underwhelmed. Boring colors, too many ruffles and far too few dresses and skirts. I guess I'm just not into this floraly, safari romper style that people are selling. I guess it's good on my pocketbook, but definitely doesn't cure my boredom.

I wish I could say I was above being entertained by buying a new shirt or skirt or something, but one of the few joys of the working world is going into work wearing something new. It kind of gives you a new outlook to a cubicle filled existence. I'm hoping the warmer temperatures will bring us some cuter options in clothing.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Random Acts of Douchebaggery

This car assaults my senses. There are flames and tigers, which I don't think actually go together because as powerful as a tiger is, flames would kill him the same as you and me. Let's get another look-see.
That is still pretty offensive. I mean, what did the car do to deserve this kind of treatment?
I really do believe this is an act of douchebaggery to all on the roads. Not only do we have to look at this atrocity, but it will also distract people which could cause huge accidents. Thanks asshole.
This animal sanctuary tiger is also offended. Grrrrr.

Friday, March 4, 2011

March, You Are Wrong

This dog is coming for you March. And he is pissed. March, you have sucked hard and we are only on day four. March is supposed to bring the promise or spring. It's supposed to bring a small glimpse of April and May. I don't need to see February and January. I just saw them. And I spit on them.

There is not one day in the ten-day forecast that gives us temperatures of greater than 39 degrees. NOT ONE DAY! Horrible.

So, I am a cranky bitch and it's all because of the weather. I'm actually not asking for much. Just a couple of sunny days with temperatures of 42 degrees, maybe 45. But, I don't want to be greedy.

In other news...I achieved my February resolution and read two whole books. I celebrated March's Eve with the David Gray concert and it was just as awesome as you would think it was. I have also made a March resolution to clean my car.