Thursday, July 29, 2010

That's Unfortunate...

When I first saw this sign, you can imagine the funny things swimming around in my head. I just hope the hump isn't too speedy for everyone's sake.

Friday, July 23, 2010


No, that title is not a description of my weekends in my early 20's...well...actually...

Never mind, I'm digressing. Manhunt is a novel. I guess it's technical title is Manhunt: The 12 Day Chase for Lincoln's Killer. And it's about just that. Lincoln's killer.

So, this book gets into nitty gritty details and most of it is stuff that I had never heard before. We all know that Lincoln was shot at Ford's Theatre. He was there watching a play and his wife was with him and then he was carried across the street to a house where he later died. The story of John Wilkes Booth pursuit and capture actually makes the story a thousand times more interesting.

For instance, Booth planned the whole thing out to the most minute detail and he probably would have made a much more impressive escape if not for the fact that when he jumped from Lincoln's theatre box to the stage he broke his leg. For the rest of the book he's literally moving like the injured asshole that he is and the cops just keep missing him. There are times when he's literally in the same house as them and they're just like "Damn Booth! Where could he have gone".

The best is how the author describes Booth as being really vain about his crime. He wants to become this national hero and thinks that everyone is going to treat him as such. Then he goes to these "southern gentleman's" homes and they're all like "Bitch, we do not want you in the house. Go stay in the barn. With the pigs." And he makes like Stephanie Tanner and is all "How rude."

But, the last scene is pretty awesome. He's in the barn of this farmhouse and they find him and there's a standoff. Booth's killed in the end...or is he? I wikipedia'd this shit and found out that conspiracy theorists don't think he actually died. I don't know, he had a severely injured leg and had been living in squalor for days so I'm sure that shit was infected. Then I think maybe he was shot and I think the barn was on fire at some point. So, I'm pretty sure he's died, but I haven't read this other literature that thinks otherwise.

This book is good if a bit detaily for my taste. The author has a knack for research, but reading through it was at times like wading through molasses in January.

4/5 or 7/10 stars.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Random Acts of Douchebaggery

Wasn't it really nice of someone to write "bitch" on the sidewalk in some kind of a substance that is impervious to any kind of removal. I don't know if that's the right way to use impervious. But seriously, this graffito has survived multiple rain storms and foot traffic. It doesn't even make sense. Was a rogue hoodrat so mad at the sidewalk that he thought he would tattoo her indefinitely? Is it a cryptic message to all female dogs being walked down the sidewalk? I have no idea, but it is dbaggery at its finest.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

SSAD - Summer Seasonal Affective Disorder

I love the gorgeous summer sun. Even when it's hot, I still just love being outside in the sun. I know people talk about being depressed in the winter because you are not getting enough sunlight, but I actually think it's worse in the summer. At least in the winter even if you were outside, you still wouldn't be getting any sun, so you might as well stay indoors. But sitting in an office for 8+ hours a day staring at the gorgeous sunlight that my skin is currently not absorbing is so depressing.

Here's to longer weekends.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Swiss Family Robinson Tree

I always used to avoid this ride, it just seemed really dumb. But in the name of reviewing every Disney ride on my blog, I decided I needed to try it. This attraction (cause it's not really a ride) is good for 2 things. Exercise and gorgeous views of the Magic Kingdom park. Behold:
So, it's definitely worth it to go up the tree once. As for what's inside...well...meh, blah is really all I have to say. They just have these rooms set up with the Swiss Family Robinson's kitchen and library and bedrooms. And that's about it. So, you walk up a tree to look at stuff that isn't really historical or funny or exciting.

The real bonus, as I said before, is the exercise. I typically stuff my face at Disneyworld... cheeseburgers, french fries at least once a day, ice cream at least once a day, cookies, candy. I don't even look at a vegetable or piece of fruit the whole time I'm there, so my ass truly appreciates any opportunity to work some of that fat off before I go back home.

I stayed off this ride for years and never missed it. But now I'll probably go back on it. If you have any physical ailment at all I would stay off of it. There's a lot of climbing involved and it's actually pretty long.

So, 2/5 stars. But my ass gives it 4/5.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Pretty Pink Prosecco

It's totally Friday. And I really want a tall glass of pink prosecco.

That's all.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Me On...Lindsay Lohan

I don't really want to give this media whore the satisfaction of knowing that anyone cares. But I do have to comment on what happened yesterday. I guess Lohan was on probation, for what I have no idea. But it doesn't matter because diva that she is, she did nothing on probation and was slapped with a probation violation. Then yesterday she got 90 days in jail and 90 days inpatient. Shazam.

The reason why I'm particularly interested in this is because she deserved it. No matter what Dina Lohan says, Lindsay deserved this sentence. Here's why...

I would say that 80% of criminal cases are given probation. And about half of those completely screw it up and are violated. When these peeps screw it up, they screw it up big. As in, they do nothing that they are required to do. The real kick in the ass is that basically all these people have to do is lay low (stop committing crimes), have a chemical assessment and comply with recommendations (which usually means take a class) and keep in contact with your probation officer. Do these things and after 3-6 months your probation officer will completely forget about you and probably never look at the file for the rest of your probation.

But, the ones that screw up just don't give a flying f!@# and they don't do anything and then they come in for a violation and say that their mother's sick or they couldn't find their PO's phone number or they were too busy trying to find a job. They are all excuses.

Probation is a privilege. It's a gift you are given by the judicial system that says: show us you care and we won't throw your ass in jail. Lohan showed the judicial system exactly what she thought of them. And apparently it's not much. If you have no respect for the courts, then you should serve time.

And btw, I've heard Lohan's excuses everyday, it's the same shit that common criminals say at their own PV hearings. BTW #2, typically a first time PV gets a slap on the wrist, unless something really egregious happened. Lohan basically got a 180 day sentence on what appears to be a first time do the math.