Sunday, January 31, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
I had never been on this ride before. There was always a long line and the whole go kart concept didn't really appeal to me. I had a bad experience on bumper boats as a child and even though it's not the same thing, I have this irrational aversion to bumper boats, cars and go karts. However, in my quest to rate all the rides at Disney, I decided to give this a whirl.
Well, that was a mistake.
Here's how my experience went: Stand in line for ride, discuss with my mother who will drive the car, I lose discussion and end up in driver's seat, realize that there's a complicated procedure for when and how you can start your car, realize that pushing the pedal will take both my foot and my mother's foot on top of my own, realize that the car's steering is incredibly finicky, realize that anytime the car is steered slightly off course it will hit the track and bounce you off the other side which results in a chain reaction of whiplash, realize that the whiplash causes you to take your concentration off the pedal and then cars behind you bump into you giving you more whiplash, realize that the grandpa in front of us has let his 7 year old granddaughter drive, 7 year old can't push the pedal down hard enough and so she keeps starting and stopping, this means I have to start and stop, people behind keep bumping into me....
Are you tired of reading yet? Well, about midway through the ride, I was so sick of the nonsense I wanted to just get up and walk off the track. Apparently this is frowned upon.
I certainly frown upon taking any part in this ride. 0/5 stars. Hated it.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Honestly I think leashing your kid is one of the laziest things you can do as a parent. I mean I know kids can be fast, but youre an adult. You should definitely be able to outrun a kid and at the very least overpower them. If not, it's probably time to hit the gym.
I understand that some chillin's are quite squirrely and in a crowded place could easily get lost, but just watch them carefully. Isn't that what parenting is all about? I mean 90% of the other parents are able to watch their children and not lose them without having to resort to putting their kid on a leash. So, what's wrong with those other parents?
Plus, think about the kid. Having to walk around on a leash must be humiliating and demoralizing. Can you imagine having to watch hundreds of other kids roam free and you're stuck on a leash? Let's take a closer look at what being on a leash really looks like:
Sadness! This little tyke wants to run free!
Parents, please take your kids off leashes. It's cruel and unusual punishment and we just don't stand for that in America.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Q: So, what did the guy with the gun look like?
A: Ah...I don't...I don't...okay, he's probably like me, same. Most Asians the same size, man. Same height, man. Same features, man.
Asians must be really screwed in a police lineup.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
One problem...it takes a fricking year to get on it. Although, there's a fastpass, which helps. Here is my advice to you. Get to HS before it opens and stand in the massive group that gathers down Hollywood Boulevard. Then when they open those gates, don't heed their warnings, RUN DON'T WALK to the Toy Story fastpass line. Push down anyone who dares get in your way, babies, elderly, handicapped. It don't matter, this is imperative. Then, get to the fastpass line and wait. Once you get your fastpass go to the actual ride line and wait the probably 20 minutes, it will be the fastest wait for this ride all day. It's that popular.
Ed. Sidenote: I usually don't condone the super aggressive fastpass behavior, but in this case I do. You want to go on this ride as many times as possible and that can only happen by being a complete beeyotch.
Once inside the building, you will be brought into a world where toys are larger than life. Behold this Candyland game:
So, it's kind of fun, but still you're in a queue, which is never that fun. Then you get your 3D glasses and you wait in line some more. But then you encounter this:
It's basically a vehicle to fun. If you can see it in this picture, you sit 2 by 2 in a car that has a little video game gun with a pull string. You put the 3D glasses on and travel inside. It's basically a huge video game with carnival games. It's awesome. They have balloon pop, plate break, the ring game, etc. And everything is worth points. So, you try to get as many points as you can and at the end they tally up the points to see who the winners are! I always like validation from video games telling me that I am, in fact, a winner.
It doesn't sound like much, but it's super interactive and amazingly fun. This is my new favorite ride at all of Disneyworld. I mean, I would mow down a grandma on oxygen in a wheelchair holding a premature infant to get on this ride.
5/5, 10/10, 100/100, 1,000/1,000 stars. Loves. It.